**10,000 Fans Incentive Plan
On February 16, a tragedy occurred at the gate of Princeton University in the United States.
A student named James Lee was suspected of committing suicide and died after hitting a train, at the age of 19.
As a student of a prestigious school, he might have had an infinitely bright future, but now all this has come to an abrupt end, which is really embarrassing. But what is even more embarrassing is his other identity - the youngest son of the famous female writer Li Yiyun. 
When people reach middle age, the pain of losing a child is definitely one of the greatest misfortunes. However, it was such a cruel pain that Li Yiyun experienced twice. Just 7 years ago, her eldest son, Vincent Lee, also ended his life by suicide at the age of 16. Two children, one lived for 16 years and the other lived for 19 years, both of them were as brilliant as flowers, but they died one after another, which was almost a fatal blow to a mother. Li Yiyun once wrote that she had read "Don Quixote" on the day of her eldest son's death, and after that, she could no longer face this famous book. 
She also asked her eldest son in a letter: If I am really good enough, why can't I keep you? Under the plain words, there is overflowing sadness and self-blame. After James Lee died, someone found Li Yiyun's social account on the Internet, and the latest one was the two children's childhood frolicking**. 
What a bright smile the child had at that time, but this heartbroken mother could never see this scene again. Under **, she quoted a haiku by the Japanese poet Kobayashi Ichcha: "I know that this world is as short as dew, yet. However. 
The two "however", as if they didn't say anything, seemed to have exhausted the heart-rending static storm in the heart of a mother, and it made people's noses sour. Within seven years, after the loss of two beloved sons, many netizens lamented that fate was too cruel to this woman. But there are also many people who think that the two sons have committed suicide one after another, is it a bit of a problem for Li Yiyun to be a mother? 
Although I think it's cruel to speculate about a broken mother, we can indeed see some clues of this family tragedy from Li Yiyun's past. After reading her story, you may really have a new understanding of the phrase "dragon slayer eventually becomes a dragon". 
What many people don't know is that Li Yiyun himself is a serious victim of his original family. 
Li Yiyun was born in Beijing in 1972, the son of a nuclear physicist and a Chinese teacher. At that time, this seemed to be an enviable scholarly family. However, the problem lies with her mother. Although Li Yiyun's mother is an excellent teacher outside, she is an out-and-out "tyrant" at home. Not only did she often lose her temper and cry inexplicably for no reason, but she also often loudly accused and scolded Li Yiyun and her sister, and in Li Yiyun's words, her mother was "cold and vulnerable." 
Do you want a crazy mom or a dead mom? "You deserve the most cruel death, because you don't know how to be grateful!" "You know, the moment I die, your father will marry someone else......These sentences, full of violence and negative emotions, filled almost Li Yiyun's entire childhood. In order not to provoke his mother, Li Yiyun had to practice ways to control his emotions. She once said in an interview: "I never allow myself to lose control of my emotions, the more excited and angry I am inside, the more unwavering I appear on the surface." What's even worse is the mother's desire to control, eager to monitor the words and deeds of her two daughters at all times, even the diary. In such an environment, in order to escape control, Li Yiyun has made a lot of efforts. For example, she writes in a diary with a password, and if she wants to write about a bird, she writes about trees, clouds, and sky, but not what she really wants to record.
After knowing that her mother couldn't read English, she worked hard to learn English and practice English writing. is obviously a biological mother and daughter, but the daughter defends her mother in an almost "guerrilla" way and hides herself, such a relationship is a little pale to say that it is distorted. When he grew up, in order to escape from his mother, Li Yiyun went to the United States. However, her hatred for her mother has not been weakened by the distance. After entering the literary world, she was always reluctant to write in Chinese, and even refused to translate her works into Chinese at first, just because she did not want her mother to see her words. Even when she dreamed of returning to Beijing, the people in her hometown spoke English to her.
Along with the hatred came the painful scars of her childhood, which did not heal even after she became a mother.
She suffered from depression and was so tormented that she even committed suicide twice in 2012 and almost failed to save herself. After that, even her favorite writing** could no longer bring her joy, so she took a full year off before gradually relieving herself. All her life, she has almost been trying to escape from her original family and trying to live as the opposite of her mother. But it is precisely this escape that Li Yiyun has portrayed herself as a character similar to that of her mother. Outside, she is a famous writer who has written many books, won numerous awards, and is even expected to challenge for the Nobel Prize in Literature. But at home, she is depressed and miserable, living every day in a strong hatred of her original family and despair for the future. Her low air pressure also affected everyone around her, even the nanny, who took care of her two children at her house all the year round, committed suicide because of depression.
And the two sons, when they were ignorant of the world, witnessed their mother's two suicides and extreme pain, and grew up in a depressed air all year round. How can such a child grow up peacefully without any psychological problems? There is a saying: "All those who have been hurt by their original family may not be able to get out of the harm after their entire life." ”Those wounds from the family of origin are still difficult to heal over time. suddenly remembered Yang Yuanyuan, a graduate student who committed suicide at the age of 30.
Before her death, her mother had been meddling in her life planning, constantly forcing her to change her will, change her job, hinder her socialization, and even her daughter went to school, she had to go to the dormitory to live with her daughter. Under the control of his mother's deformity, Yang Yuanyuan, who collapsed, finally hanged himself in the bathroom after leaving his last words of "I want to live my own life". How similar is her life to Li Yiyun? It's just that compared with the resolute Yang Yuanyuan, Li Yiyun's greater misfortune is that he not only spent his life getting rid of the original family, but also brought the pain of the original family to the next generation in the process. For a family, a generation of unsound original family can easily become a "curse" for several generations. In the book "Born Otherwise", it is said that abuse is the biggest reason why children are similar to their parents. The story of Li Yiyun and these victims of the original family, "the dragon slayer will eventually become a dragon", is actually the story of the abuse and trauma in the original family. This phenomenon has a proper term in psychology: "intergenerational transmission". It means that those perceptions and behaviors that you are not aware of will be imperceptibly passed on to you from generation to generation.
For example, a child who has been devastated by domestic violence is likely to become a domestic abuser after starting a family on his own. And a mother like Li Yiyun, if she has been traumatized herself, then she will inevitably become a carrier of trauma and pass it on to the next generation. These wounds, once not confronted and repaired, will be passed on from generation to generation like genes, forming a "cycle of fate". As the psychologist Su Hei said: "You are a copy of your parents or a later generation, you will inherit and continue their untied knots, if you ignore or deny your roots, it will be difficult to develop yourself in your life, and you can only repeat the old vicious circle." And this is the most terrible thing about an unhealthy family of origin.
The damage caused by the family of origin is a lifetime, but this does not mean that the "intergenerational trauma" will last forever. There was such a heart-piercing cartoon circulating on the Internet:
The first two were both the little girls who painted, but they both became the same as them because of the verbal suppression from the previous generation. Only this generation of mothers has erected a barrier in those negative words, telling the child that she is really great. The trauma of the generation finally ended in her very different words. Keigo Higashino once said, "Everyone wants to be born into a good family, but we can't choose our parents." Whatever card is dealt to you, you can only try to play it as well as you can. Just like the writer Mai Jia, he was beaten by many fathers when he was a child, and even broke with his father for a time, and then started a life of fleeing from his father for more than ten years. And the son of the Mai family was as rebellious as he was back then, and even locked himself in the house for three years to play games, refusing to communicate. However, the Mai family did not inherit their father's education method, but faced up to their own trauma, learned the lessons of their father, patiently communicated with their son, and finally reconciled with their son.
In fact, each of us has the power to bring an end to intergenerational trauma in our own generation. We are all victims of family of origin and intergenerational transmission, and it is not our fault. But how to get out of the original family, how to get back what they owe, to accept and surpass these, is what we can do, and it is also our responsibility. Don't always complain that your family of origin is not good, and don't forget, you are also someone else's family of origin.