I, a graduate student born in the 80s, divorced after marrying Germany for 7 years, and I can only s

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My name is Cheng Xuelian, born in the 80s, when I was a graduate student in Malaysia, I was pursued by the rich second generation who was 7 years younger, but after getting along for a year, I proposed to break up.

Later, I dated a German who was two years older than me online, and gave birth to a mixed-race baby after a flash marriage. But seven years later, our marriage ended without a hitch.

Later, I just wanted to follow my heart, live freely and happily, and no longer have any extravagant desires for marriage.

But one day, a man approached me, pursued me, and traveled with me to more than 20 cities. We have a lot in common, but I still don't know where to go.

I am a native of Dangshan County, Anhui Province, and I have lived in an ordinary intellectual family since I was a child, my father is a lawyer, my mother is an ordinary civil servant, and I have an older brother. Since childhood, my parents have been strict with us and attach great importance to our education. When my brother was 25 years old, he went to the United States to study.

After I graduated from college, my parents also wanted me to study in the United States, but my brother had already spent a lot of money to study abroad, and my tuition fee was 30 to 400,000 yuan a year, which was unaffordable for ordinary families, so I gave up studying in the United States.

Settle for the next best thingIn 2009, I came to Malaysia for graduate school, and here, I met my first boyfriend.

At that time, there was an event at the school, and we met unexpectedly. Not long after they stayed with each other, he confessed to me. At first I didn't agree because he was 3 years younger than me and I don't like younger ones. Later, he said to me very seriously: "Don't mind your age, the important thing is that I like you." ”

shoveling snow in Germany).

Slowly I felt his sincerity and agreed to the relationship. He is Pakistani and his parents are businessmen and very rich.

Later, he took me to meet his family, and they were very happy with me, especially his mother, who was very kind to me and often bought me food and gifts.

But after getting along for a long time, I realized that he was 7 years younger than me. At that time, I was angry and proposed to break up with him.

It's not because he's not telling the truth, it's that I clearly recognize the gap between us. My family is very ordinary, and his parents are very rich, he is a real rich second generation, not only is there a big age difference, but also the family is not right, so I choose to end this relationship.

My lovely son).

I graduated from graduate school in 2012, but when I went back, I found that I could not adapt to life in China. Because I have been in Malaysia for 3 years, I have never returned to China, and I have not been able to adapt to the domestic workplace.

In the two years since I returned to China, I have changed several jobs, and later worked in the Propaganda Department of Sanya City College. When I was working in Sanya, I met my Fa Xiao, and when I saw that her children were about to enter primary school, I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. At the age of 30, I am alone, and I long for a stable relationship.

My parents also urged me to find a boyfriend, and one night, I was lying in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. I swiped my phone aimlessly, and accidentally saw a marriage proposal**, browsed for a while, and then logged my information on it.

When I first came to Germany, I liked to take pictures).

At that time, I didn't have much hope for marriage**, but what I didn't expect was that when I logged in to the marriage application again**, I found that someone left me a message.

Are you an Asian girl? ”

Yes". I'm German, a software engineer, unmarried."

After chatting for a while, I offered to meet, and he readily agreed.

On the day we met, I came to the airport early to pick him up. He was tall, very fair, and looked very honest, probably just met, and didn't talk much.

After being together for a while, we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

Later, I told my parents that I had a boyfriend, who was German, and my parents were very surprised and worried that we would have conflicts due to cultural differences in the future, and some did not agree.

Mom and Dad came to Nuremberg, Germany).

But at my insistence, my parents relented, but they had to meet him first. Within a few days, I brought him home to meet my parents. After meeting, my parents didn't express their opinions, but just said to me: "He looks quite stable, if you want, continue to have a look, after all, it's not small!" ”

Half a year later, we registered our marriage in Hong Kong, and I went to Germany with him.

In order to communicate better with him, I studied German before and after I went to Germany, and in a total of one year, I got the German B1 level certificate and successfully obtained the German green card. In this way, I have no barriers to daily communication with him and his family in my married life.

When I first came to Germany, everything was new, and the quiet towns, the vast pastures, and the unique houses were completely different from what I had seen in China and Malaysia.

Because of curiosity, I often go to take pictures, and I especially like to photograph the houses here. One time when I went out to play, I saw a house with a beautiful color, so I took a picture of it, but the owner found out, and he yelled at me. Later, my husband told me that German houses cannot be photographed casually, and they pay great attention to privacy.

Hotels in Sanya).

I didn't look for a job when I came to Germany because a month later, I got pregnant. Our son was born in February 2016. During this period, we had a good relationship with my husband and wife, and I got along very well with my husband's family.

But it didn't take long for me to get seasonal depression because I couldn't adapt to the German climate. Before, I only knew that it was cold in Germany, but I didn't know that the winters in Germany were so long. More than half of the year is winter, with hail in April, snow in May, and only in June when it warms up. In summer, it is only a dozen degrees in the morning and evening.

In addition to the fact that the winter is very long and there is no sunshine, about 200 days a year without sunshine, I feel that Germany is too cold.

Not only did I not get used to the weather here, but I also couldn't get used to the way my neighbors got along here.

Sometimes I want to go to the door, but I have to make an appointment. There is very little contact between neighbors here, and if you want to go to someone's house to play for a while and talk to them for a while, you have to tell them in advance before you can go. So much so that after more than six years of coming here, I have only met one family, and it is a Shanghai family 20 kilometers away.

A photo with Yu Minhong when he was working in Sanya).

So every year, I go back to China with my husband and children, and I stay for two or three months when I go back. But my husband has to work, my children have to go to kindergarten, and then I have to go back to China to live.

Living in a small circle for a long time makes people like Chekhov's "man in a suit", tightly wrapping himself and falling into loneliness and loneliness.

One day in 2021, my husband and I filed for divorce. My husband was actually very considerate of me, and he agreed to understand my true feelings. In fact, there is no problem with our relationship, there is no contradiction in life, and there is only a dull way in retrospect.

At that time, I was most reluctant to be my son. Before the divorce, my husband told me that I could go to Germany to see my son at any time. Later, I would go to Germany once a year, usually with my son** every week.

Party with relatives of my ex-husband)

After I returned to China, I came to Anhui to live and start a business. I like freedom and I like to share, so I choose to do it myself.

In the year that followed, I didn't have much expectation for a relationship, and I didn't have any extravagant expectations for marriage. I just want to live alone, in the way I like, where I feel comfortable.

But one day, a gentleman came to me. He said he was a fan of mine, had been following me, and had a crush on me.

This sudden confession surprised me that there were still men who liked me, a divorced woman. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I didn't refuse or accept it, only agreeing to get along as friends.

Since then, I have had one more person by my side when I go out. I like to travel, as long as I go out, he accompanies me. He said he also likes to travel, especially with me. He also took good care of me on the way, and when I was thirsty, he would hand me water as soon as possible; When I'm hungry, he will take the initiative to buy food; When I'm excited, he captures my moments.

To ** or love to take pictures).

Since we met him, we have been to more than 20 cities together, climbing mountains, wading through water, and seeing all kinds of scenery.

Not only does he like to travel with me, but he also loves to cook for me. The food I cook is not delicious, so in order to save time and effort, I often order takeout. After work, he would come to the house whenever he had time to cook food for me, and always said that eating outside was unhealthy.

Gradually, I was in a trance, and I wondered if I had been in a relationship before? Looking back on the relationship in those years, no matter which one of them was too turbulent, and I didn't understand what I really wanted, just blindly seeking a marriage that seemed suitable.

I really felt that I had never been "spoiled", I was moved, and I completely fell, so we lived together.

Later I knew that he was 7 years older than me, divorced, and liked me very early. I also learned about his experience and ideological struggle from not daring to confess to me at the beginning, to taking the initiative to come to the door, and I am very grateful to him for taking the initiative.

When in Malaysia).

Although my boyfriend and I are very happy, I still don't know where to go. A few years ago, my parents also settled in the United States to help my brother take care of the children, so I was the only one left in the country, and I didn't know whether to continue living in China or go to the United States to reunite with my family.

Because I couldn't choose, I was always conflicted, so I asked my boyfriend for advice. Unexpectedly, he calmly said to me: "We will go to Yunnan to live in the future, there is no scorching heat in summer, no severe cold in winter, and we go to the United States for two or three months every year, not only can we travel, but also see our families." I readily agreed.

Because the cost of living in the United States is getting higher and higher, the same money will live well at home. In fact, many people who marry abroad, or work abroad, they also want to return to China, but they always can't let go of their children and are still struggling in the "dire straits".

I'm glad that I chose to give up my foreign marriage before, which allowed me to find my true self and find someone who is truly suitable for me.

With the development of the Internet, foreign marriage and love are no longer uncommon, I hope you will not blindly get involved, and consider many aspects to avoid future troubles and regrets.

I often advise my fans and friends to consult that if you are planning to start a relationship in a foreign country, you must experience the environment, lifestyle, etc., more than once, and experience it for a long time. Only then will you know if you can really adapt to living there.

Life is always a multiple-choice question, and so is feelings, on the one hand, there is endure, on the other hand, endurance is endless, and termination is not only a way to get free, but also gives you another chance to meet the right person and harvest true happiness.

Dictation: Cheng Xuelian].

Edit: Warm Tree].

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