Jackie Chan welcomes the New Year
Wu Chucai, a thinker of the Qing Dynasty, once pointed out: "All favorite sons are arrogant, and all arrogant sons are invincible." This quote reveals the fact that children who grow up in an overly pampered environment tend to become arrogant and arrogant, and such children will eventually achieve nothing.
In modern society, many children have become the center of the family, enjoying the unlimited care and resources of their parents. Parents go to great lengths for their children's future, but this can also lead to *** making children selfish and headstrong.
In the family, if everything revolves around the child, they may take everything they get for granted and form a self-centered worldview. When they find that their parents are unable to meet their own requirements, they may become dissatisfied with their parents and think that they are incompetent.
The ancients said: "A loving mother has many defeated children", which is not unreasonable. The more you spoil your child, the more likely you are to raise an indulgent offspring; The more unconditionally satisfied the child, the more likely it is to educate the rebellious offspring.
We interviewed Ms. Wei Hua from Button Family Education, who has dealt with similar cases in which a child became irritable and even had a physical altercation with his parents because of their parents' excessive pampering. Under the guidance of Ms. Wei Hua, parents realized the problem of their own education style, and their children also underwent significant changes. Below we will share how she handled this case.
Impressive case
This child is from Binzhou, Shandong Province, and is a first-year university freshman. By the time the parents came for consultation, there had already been a violent conflict with the child, and the parents had visible scars on their bodies. Through communication with parents, we found that the lack of family education concept is the root cause of the problem. Children are reluctant to go to school and often have conflicts with their parents, causing them to be afraid to go home. After signing up, parents were eager to solve the problem, and we immediately provided guidance on parent-child relationship, such as how to communicate with the child, how to calm the child's emotions, etc. After guidance, parents gradually master the skills of communicating with their children.
Why are parents so afraid of their children?
From childhood to adulthood, the parents of the child have always been obedient to the child, and even if the child is ignorant or has a tantrum, the parents will back down. Therefore, parents lack principles and bottom lines when educating their children, and are more concerned about meeting their children's needs. But when a child enters college and the needs increase, if the parents cannot meet them, the child will develop hatred. Due to their excellent academic performance, parents neglect to educate their children in aspects of how to behave and do things, such as respecting elders and communicating with parents. Once, the child asked to go out and play and asked his parents for money, and after being refused, the child could not accept it and began to use violent means to achieve his goals.
Help for the family
In the process of counseling, we mainly adjusted the parents' cognition and enhanced their psychological quality. We found that they didn't really know their children. They think that as long as they explain it to their child, they will accept it, but they find that the child's temper is getting more and more irritable. We guide parents on how to communicate and get along with their children correctly and adjust the parent-child relationship. On the one hand, we recommend courses that are suitable for parents, mainly focusing on how to communicate with children, respect children, listen to children, etc. On the other hand, we guide parents to manage the process and avoid losing control when communicating with their children. Throughout the coaching process, we responded to parents' questions in a timely and effective manner. After about 20 days of in-depth instruction, the child has undergone a significant transformation, communication with parents has become smoother, and emotions have become more controllable.
Why do many parents find out that they don't know their children at all when their children are adults?
From a parent's point of view, they are more concerned about their child's academic performance. Children with excellent grades are recognized and praised by those around them as they grow up. But once such a child enters college, various problems will arise, such as relationships with teachers, classmates, etc. It's really a matter of the child's socialization. This is mainly because parents neglect the cultivation of basic abilities such as children's adaptability and emotional management ability in the early development of children. In collective life, these problems manifest themselves.
The problem that the child was facing at that time
After going to college, the child has many difficulties in adapting. In the dormitory, he felt that his classmates were disgusting him, and he couldn't fit in. He found that his classmates got along well with the teacher, but he couldn't do it himself. He doesn't think it's his own problem, he thinks it's someone else's problem.
Now the child's situation
Children are no longer excluded from school. He reached out to the counselor and prepared to return to school to continue his studies when school started. During the mentoring period, the child also asked friends to go on a trip together, which I think can increase the life experience and experience of the young person, so I encourage parents to support their child to "go out". The child has also taken the initiative to participate in social practice and has already found an internship. Whether it is mental or physical state, children are getting better and better.
Why did you choose the counseling industry?
When I graduated from college, counseling was a new industry. I have a strong desire to learn, so I graduated from university and obtained the National Psychological Counselor** certificate. Two years later, I took the Level 2 Certificate. All of this laid the foundation for me to enter the industry. I really got into this industry because of my kids. When my child was in the third grade of elementary school, we had problems getting along with each other. This made me more intellectually curious in psychology and homeschooling. In the process of solving the problem, I found that many of my perceptions were wrong. I thought it was my child's problem, but later I found out that it was my own problem. After learning to change, my relationship with my children got better and better, and slowly, my relationship with my husband also got better.
Which counseling technique do you prefer?
When I first started in the counseling industry, I thought that cognitive behavior** was easier to use. But then I think psychoanalysis is a very important foundation for psychological counseling, which allows us to understand children and parents better. Now, I prefer to use counseling techniques such as OH cards, hypnosis, and sand tables. In fact, there are many psychological counseling techniques, and I think all of them are good and useful. When using technology, it is necessary to combine the family, and it is best to choose the appropriate psychological counseling technology according to different families. And after getting to know the family in depth, we can also try more technical methods.
Homeschooling experience shared
Only when parents learn to love themselves can they truly listen to their children, understand their children, enter their children's hearts, and lead their children to make progress together.