Blind date", to put it bluntly, is a channel to expand the circle.
For outsiders like us who work in first-tier cities, one of the most troublesome things is that if there are no "connections" in big cities, they can't expand their circles.
The information gap is really reflected in all aspects.
For example, when I bought this house, because I didn't know a few locals at all, I relied on an agent to take me everywhere, and I had limited money, so I finally bought the current house.
There is no business district around, and the counterpart dishes are small.
Every time I take a taxi and meet Shanghai locals, those who know a little bit about this area say: Why did you buy here? The same ** can go to a better location to buy.
But I didn't know that!
The biggest problem I encounter now is: the baby has to go to school, and the school here is really a bit poor.
This year, Shanghai has opened the restriction on single people buying houses, and my brother is ready to look at the house after the holiday.
I have been moving to this district for more than three years, and I am also working here, and the bosses and leaders of the company are all natives and are very familiar with this district.
Our boss also recommended a real estate agent to me.
I went to see a few suites a few years ago, and there is a corresponding school in that community, which is one of the best schools in this district, and the ** of the community is not much different from my current community.
Therefore, my brother is going to buy a house this year, so I will let him buy that community, which will be more convenient for children to go to school in the future, and there will be business districts and subways around.
Poor information can help us make more accurate decisions.
It's the same with blind dates.
Observe the phenomenon of the people around you, those who have entered into marriage:
Either they are lovers in college or graduate school, or alumni are in the same big city, or they are introduced by acquaintances.
Why are high-quality women easy to be left behind in first-tier cities, while men with slightly better quality can be digested by the blind date market?
Because at the end of the day, this society is still a patriarchal society.
Out-of-town women have jobs in first-tier cities and can find their own sense of worth, but if they go back to their hometown, they have to marry and then have cubs and babies.
If you don't want to live like this, you have to stay in the big city!
But the man from other places is different, the family will always prepare something for him, even if he goes back to his hometown, he marries a wife and has children, and the life of his wife and children is also very good.
There are several categories of men in first-tier cities:
1. Local unmarried men of school age.
This kind of person, as long as he has a little ability, ability, ideas, and a normal personality, he will not marry an ordinary foreign girl.
Local men are generally matched with local women or out-of-town girls who are very good at making money.
A foreign girl with a monthly salary of 10,000 yuan is actually not within the scope of local men's mate selection.
Even if this man is initially interested in you, once the marriage is discussed, his family will jump out against it.
At this time, whether this relationship can continue depends on how much the woman can swallow her anger.
You have to lower your posture and show that you are not aggressive, so that the man can't bear it.
A man generally does not take the initiative to find trouble to break up, but he will avoid it in the face of pressure.
His evasion will anger the woman, and the woman will feel unhappy, find trouble, quarrel, and have an emotional breakdown.
Man: Why have you become so unreasonable now?
Well, in his swing, the scales will be tilted in favor of his original family, and he will break up.
I've seen too many examples of this.
The kind of girl who has very high emotional intelligence and strong means is not within the scope of our discussion.
In short, ordinary girls, especially girls like me, who have a bigger temper than their abilities, I knew when I first started a blind date:
The locals are not for me, and I can't hold back my anger.
At that time, there was a ** businessman in our company, when I was 25 years old, he was 36 years old, a local.
Once I gave a PPT on stage in the company, and he asked our colleague if I had a boyfriend, and then asked for my WeChat.
My colleague came to ask me, and I said: I'm single, OK, let's talk about WeChat first, it's good to be a friend, haha, thank you Brother Li for your introduction.
I always like older men, and the reason is that I am indeed more mature than my peers.
Moreover, my desire is written on my face, and the vitality of climbing upwards will be seen by the old men who "have never met talents", gain their appreciation, and then be accosted.
Poof, just like I'm an old woman now, and I see that kind of positive little young, I will also have a good feeling.
This person is a little twisted, obviously he took the initiative to ask for WeChat, but he didn't take the initiative too much.
My attitude at that time was that I didn't want to live too closed in this big city, so as long as it was introduced by an acquaintance, I would give it to anyone who wanted my WeChat.
However, I never take the initiative to talk to others, I live my life.
If he takes the initiative to look for me, I will reply a few words, and if he does not take the initiative to find me, I will not reply.
Occasionally, he would call me **, and he would say: I am eating here in my hometown now, and this area has been demolished, horn horn.
In fact, a person, when you first come into contact with him, you know that you have a basic favor for this person, and if you don't have a basic favor, you don't need to think about his family conditions at all.
It's none of your business. If you don't like people, you will feel wronged when you get along, so why bother
I had a few calls with him at the time, and I chatted occasionally on WeChat, and I thought this person was a bit exaggerated.
I don't like it, I don't hate it.
Then one weekend, he sent me a location and asked me to meet him.
It was the first time that the two of us met separately outside the company, and I looked at the positioning, it was a xx hotel.
Of course, perhaps, he asked me out at the café on the first floor, right?
But, I think this person doesn't pay attention to details, and he sends the girl a hotel location when they meet for the first time?
Is he okay? I told him directly: I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well today, so I won't come.
This is the only local person I have come into contact with.
There will be a working relationship, there will be business contacts, business affairs, but there will be no private conversations.
2. Another type of boy in the first-tier cities is: the petty bourgeoisie at home, who is not ready to stay in Shanghai for a long time, but just comes to gild.
This kind of boy just goes to work every day and plays games after work.
As a person, I have been determined since I was a child: I will never find a man like my father.
I play cards, billiards, and read idle books, but I don't care about home.
I think that a capable and beautiful woman like my mother has had such a hard time in this life because the man has not been found well.
Men who play cards and games, I really hate it when I see it.
But in fact, in this era, ordinary boys at home who have a little foundation just like to play games!
Some are indeed kind.
I met a boy from Jiangsu Province in Jiayuan.
After adding my WeChat, I haven't chatted.
During that time, I found a new job and was ready to move.
I have to move from Xujing Town in Qingpu District to Baoshan District, which is sixty or seventy kilometers away, and I have a lot of luggage and a long way.
I called the Blue Rhinoceros, but the master said that he would only wait for me downstairs and not carry his luggage up and down the stairs.
At that time, I was really tired of moving as a little girl.
Coincidentally, this person took the initiative to chat with me on Friday and asked me: **People?
I said I'm from Hunan.
He said, "Then you eat spicy food over there, right?" Are you still used to it in Shanghai?
I said: It's okay, I have always cooked by myself, rarely go out to eat, and the chili peppers in the vegetable market are no different from our Hunan.
He said: You can also cook, I have been eating takeout since I came to Shanghai, and I haven't eaten home-cooked food for a long time.
I said: I'm moving tomorrow, no one will help me move, I have a lot of things, you come to help me move, I'll cook for you, okay?
Him: Okay. He really came the next day.
I stir-fried the food, cooked for him, and then began to call him and carry the things downstairs one by one.
The kind of rural villa I stayed in, on the third floor, without an elevator.
He went up and down the stairs.
My stuff filled the whole car, leaving only the co-pilot and no room for two people.
I said to him: I'm going to Baoshan, it's the second floor, can you still help me move upstairs?
He said, "Okay, you go first, I'll take the subway, if you arrive first, just wait for me downstairs."
Now that I think about it, it's good that others are weird.
It's also some warm memories of the big city.
The driver chatted with me along the way and asked me: What is your boyfriend?
I said: No, a blind date, meeting for the first time today.
The master said: The first time we met, it was so good? You really have a lot of this stuff, this young man has a good heart, don't pick it, just him.
I said, "Haha, master, listen to you, I'll think about him."
I'm actually quite defensive, after all, I'm alone in the field.
The reason I asked a stranger to help me move was because I was sharing a room with a colleague from my new company.
Moreover, the house is a share house, with 7 people living in a three-bedroom apartment.
I felt that I was sharing a house with someone else, and there were a lot of people in the house, so it was relatively safe here, so even if I asked a stranger to help me move, it was not a high risk.
If I rent a room by myself, no matter how tired I am, I will move by myself, safety first.
I arrived first, waited downstairs for half an hour, and then he came and helped me carry my things upstairs one by one.
When it was over, I said, "Let's go, I'll invite you to dinner, thank you so much today, you helped me a lot."
Him: No, I'm going back, and I have to play games at night.
I said: Okay, then next time you come to Baoshan to play, I will invite you to dinner, this person, I have never contacted him again.
Hey, this is the kind of person I don't have the purpose of "finding a partner" to communicate, but I can feel the tolerance and warmth of the city of Shanghai.
Two strange outsiders, who met on a blind date, he may think that it is not easy for me to be a little girl, but he happened to meet me to move, and he was enthusiastic to help by the way.
I can call a blind date so without any psychological burden.
Because at that moment, I was already in an open and relaxed state of mind about "blind dates" and "getting along with the opposite sex".
I thought: Hey, it's okay to deal with the object, some boys are easier to deal with than girls, and it's good to know more people and make more friends.
Knowing more people of the opposite sex is not to get along with them, but to get to know more friends and one more way.
Before that, I wasn't like that.
I'm very conservative!
Later, I figured out a principle.
Love is an illusion.
You can have love with anyone, but why is that person "him"?
It is you who give meaning to yourself.
For example, people who have little contact with the opposite sex and are single in their motherhood will cherish their first time
For the first time, I walked alone, watched a movie, went shopping, and ate with the opposite sex.
In fact, it's just that at that moment, the person who accompanies you happens to be "him".
However, because you give meaning to your "first", these many "firsts" make you feel "it's good to have him".
Well, love happens.
If you try to complete your own different first time with different members of the opposite sex, you can maximize the filter of your ideal love and make yourself calm and objective.
Because, in essence, I am not pursuing love, I am pursuing my own growth, and I want to become better.
Hey, I'm really going to praise myself here, I really do everything I do, I'm figuring out what the principle behind it is. 
I was 25 years old at the time, and although I had been in a relationship twice briefly, it was all in passing at work, and I had never seen a movie with the opposite sex.
So, I asked a male colleague in the office: Do you have time to accompany me to the movies on the weekend?
He was very cheerful and said, "Okay."
After watching the movie, he also accompanied me to the outlets.
It's like watching a movie with a female friend and going shopping, there's no difference.
After this time, I knew, it turned out: watching movies≠ falling in love, eating alone, drinking coffee, ≠ falling in love.
Haha, haha, I see!
Later, I would occasionally go out to dinner with another male colleague at noon, and listen to him complain about his fiancée's high bride price and his original family.
Later, gossip is told, regardless of gender.
I also ask male colleagues to help me analyze my blind dates.
I thought: Hey, it's so easy to get along with the opposite sex!
Slowly, I became very bold.
You have to know that in the workplace, it's either a man or a woman.
Especially in the Internet industry, I am much more likely to encounter male leaders than female leaders.
In the process of blind date, I solved: how to get along with the opposite sex and communicate with the opposite sex.
It's good for my career development.
Through one sample after another, I gradually learned about the male species.
In the end, I found out that sometimes it's easier to get along with a man than with a woman.
I've always been good at working with women, and this time I'm hereMen and women all!
My job has always been on the business side, I need to deal with different customers, communication skills, this blind date experience has helped me a lot.
I have a good relationship with both male and female colleagues in the company, and I can joke.
Later, I left my job twice, and in those two companies, male colleagues invited me to have a casual meal.
It shows that my popularity is still good.
Why am I talking about this experience?
Because, at least for people like me, getting along and communicating with the opposite sex, I didn't know how to do it from the beginning.
When I was in school, we were there, and as long as I said a word to my male classmates, there would be gossip.
Being pointed at by other classmates.
Growing up, I never had friends of the opposite sex!
When dealing with the opposite sex, I need to train deliberately to understand what is going on.
When my husband and I first met, I had the same mentality: let's talk and make more friends.
Later, he was too active, and he could talk to thieves, and it would take 1 hour to hit **.
I'm embarrassed to hang up on him.
Moreover, I really don't like to make ** porridge very much, why do I have to talk for an hour or two when I have something to say?
I don't understand. I thought: this young man, warm, polite, can talk or master's degree, everywhere.
I've been chatting with him for so long, if I don't deal with him, then why am I wasting that time?
So, both of us, I tore the window paper first.
I said, "I'm telling you, I'm just hoping to find a boyfriend and talk about love." I don't play ambiguous, and I've been talking to you for almost a month, what is your attitude towards me? Everywhere? Let's continue, if not, I don't think there is any need for the two of us to talk.
He said, "Ah, is that straightforward?" It's my fault for letting you say this as a girl.
I said, "I'm sorry, I'm more direct, not romantic."
My husband belongs to the third category of men in first-tier cities.
The original family is as ordinary as me, there are no resources, returning to his hometown is equivalent to unemployment, he can only work hard and build a nest in the first-tier cities, and he has no choice.
This kind of man will also have a little bit of ruthlessness, the kind of fighting energy that wants to go up.
It's what I like.
Finally, a metaphysics that I observed: I believe in the "Law of Attraction", but I don't think this thing is meant to be used to make a wish, and it is not something that you can say about it.
Rather, you have to have it before you can attract something like that.
To use an inappropriate analogy: it's like a dog smelling something.
For example, if you want a partner, you first have to put yourself in touch with a man, and you have to get into the game yourself to get rid of the perennial singleness in yourself.
The right marriage is likely to smell the smell.
Otherwise, you close the door of your heart, don't want to contact the outside world, and don't take the initiative to look for it.
Marriage can't find you!
Isn't there some truth to this statement?
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