Text|Tian Tian
Before dawn, on the increasingly dilapidated bus under the old willow tree at the head of the village, I ran towards the train station with a surging heart. On the winter solstice of 1971, in my family's traditional and barren village, I opened my arms as if I could embrace the whole world. At that time, I was just a young man who had just learned about the world.
You understand the situation at home. My mother was busy in front of the fire that morning, baking the most mellow sweet potato cake in the house, decorated with her own eggs. The fragrance can only be smelled once during the Chinese New Year.
I felt a warm current running down my throat to my heart, and at the same time, cold tears wet the corners of my eyes. The vows in my chest seem to have turned into blood, wandering around every corner of my body - I must work hard to change my destiny and change the lives of my family!
As the eldest son in the family, two younger brothers and a younger sister who is seven years younger than me, their simple and childish faces always linger in dreams. The stupidity of the third brother and the simplicity of the fourth sister; Her shoes were used by the third brother, the tips were worn out, the numbers were bigger, and she walked with a little childish embarrassment. It would be great that one day, they would be able to change into new clothes and shoes that truly belong to them.
I remember it was the winter of my 19th year, the day of conscription. For those of us from a family, the only way to change our fate is to join the army!
At that time, I had a deep affection for Lin Shuiqing in the village, and in terms of appearance, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, shy and generous. However, Shui Qing always put on a attitude that was neither cold nor too warm towards me, as if he was always keeping an appropriate distance. The mother always sighed: "Our family is poor, and it is understandable that Shui Qing will wait and see you, son, if you can break out of the world, naturally there are girls who are willing to follow you." "I know that only when I stand on even the slightest height in the corner of this world will she truly open her heart to me.
mentioned that the night before, Shui Qing's father and mother came to visit, and Shui Qing's mother said with an arrogant and firm look in her eyes: "Look at your temperament, you are still an ambitious person." "The news that I was about to leave was already an open secret in the village, and Shuiqing's family actually agreed to let us meet back and forth.
In order to let me have a good home in the future, my parents were overjoyed when they learned the news, and immediately made an agreement. On the day I left, my father held my hand tightly, with tears in his eyes, and only told me to do a good job in the army and not to disappoint the Shui Qing family.
But my life in the boot camp was far less colorful than I imagined. Farming, manure picking, running, ......Dry food, high-intensity training. Every meal is a simple big pot dish, and occasionally even the chief is soft-hearted and wants to add a good meal, that is, cabbage and carrots are put into the pot together, and even the oil residue has not been seen at all.
However, just as the training camp was completed, the company commander announced the slaughter of a pig and the addition of food for everyone. Everyone ate so much that I swallowed the last bite of the delicious pork, as if I had swallowed the fruits of victory on the battlefield.
Shortly after the training, I was assigned to the infantry company and officially began my military career. I was reluctant to spend the fixed monthly allowance, so I sent most of it to my family, hoping that my family's life would get better day by day. I squeezed the toothpaste to the size of a sesame seed, and a tube of toothpaste was enough to last half a year.
I'm probably the most diligent and hard-working person in my class. Never gossip, always do things more attentively than other comrades-in-arms. Before I knew it, the company commander and the instructor looked at me more and more differently, and I was promoted to squad leader after less than two years of enlistment.
I often write letters to my family, especially after I am promoted to the head of office, and my family's replies are filled with indescribable happiness. What's more, there are more letters from Shui Qing. She never cared too much about my body, but every time I received hundreds of words of encouragement and encouragement from her, I always felt that my heart was filled with new hope and warmth.
Four years later, in the spring of 1975, I was promoted to platoon commander. The company commander's praise seemed to be ringing in his ears: "This is just the first step of your military career, come on, it's not a dream to step over the next and the next one." ”
However, when I learned that my friend Yunfei broke up with him because he couldn't marry the woman he loved because he was short of money, I completely changed my mind - I decided not to go home as a platoon commander, I wanted to go to find out Shui Qing's true heart as an ordinary soldier. If it is affectionate, it does not matter the return date; If it is shallow, then do goodbye.
So, my platoon commander's uniform, which represents honor and respect, was put into my backpack at the bottom, and on the train home, I silently read every letter Shui Qing gave me. In the past, I never doubted her feelings, because it was a rare and beautiful thing to find a wife. Now, everything is different. What I want is the sincerity of your love and my willingness, not the false affection of a piece of fame to make her bow to me.
The day before I returned home, I deliberately wore a normal military uniform. At that moment, my third brother pounced on me like a fawn and shouted excitedly: "Big brother, you are back, I want to kill you!" "I brought a lot of things to my family, especially the fourth sister, who had the most gifts, carefully selected a pair of well-fitting red shoes, a few bright new clothes, and a cute hair tie. The fourth sister took the gift, her face was full of innocent happiness, and her little mouth was so happy that she couldn't close it.
I wrapped the gift for Shui Qing solemnly, but when I came to her house with the gift, the door was tightly closed. It's just that the little boy next door looked at me with a puzzled face: "Big brother, why don't you have a red collar badge?" I replied lightly: "These are floating clouds, I am discharged." "The implication is that the collar has nothing to do with me. Soon after the child left, I still went to Shuiqing's house with a gift, but was indifferently refused. Through the door, Shuiqing's father and mother told me categorically: "If you haven't mentioned it, the previous family affairs will be gone!" ”
With an indescribable feeling, I sat silently in front of her door and waited, not knowing what Shui Qing thought. When she finally appeared in front of her, she ruthlessly tore up the letter I sent, and threw down a sentence in a mean tone: "I thought you could become a platoon commander, but after waiting for you for four years, it was in vain!" With that, he turned away without any nostalgia.
That night, in my room, I tossed and turned, and my thoughts were so full that I couldn't fall asleep. Early in the morning, I told my parents the truth about my etigan. My mother scolded me for not hiding it, but my father just silently patted me on the shoulder. I leaned against the window and watched the sky gradually whiten, and my thoughts slowly became clear like the dawn of dawn.
I don't regret the attempt, it's all necessary. On the way back, I finally put on the military uniform of "four pockets". The letter told me that after I left, Shui Qing was full of remorse and cried at my house, saying that I was "scheming" and that I looked down on her, so I found an excuse to turn off this family business.
I eventually wrote a letter to Shui Qing to express my thoughts to her. I told her that love should not be based on the level of position, and that if she really loves me, she should be willing to share my ups and downs. When she rejects me, it is her choice; Now, it is also my right to choose to leave. I hope that we can both find happiness that is truly our own. And this emotional memory, I am willing to bury it in the past years.
At the end of the story, there is no sadness, no nostalgia, only relief and moving forward. Dressed in a brand new uniform, I strotted back to the unit with my head held high, turning the compassion in my heart into strength to forge ahead in battle. After all, life is not only about love, but also about pursuits and ideals. I looked at my superiors, experienced one indifferent day and night change of guard after another, and I knew that my story had just begun.
After experiencing this homecoming, I can't describe my feelings in a few simple words. It is disappointment, relief, sadness, and a new hope for the future. I reintegrated into the life of the army with mixed feelings, with more responsibilities on my shoulders and a much lighter heart.
On me, the military uniform marked with four pockets looked extremely heavy, and every step was extremely heavy. It not only represents honor and identity, but also a kind of responsibility and responsibility. I know that from this moment on, I will no longer be a man who only fights for my own small family, but a soldier who shoulders the responsibility of leading my comrades-in-arms forward and protecting the peace of my family and country.
This experience has made me more convinced of one thing: true love will not be shaken by the beauty and prosperity on the surface. If a person chooses you just because of your momentary glory, then this relationship is not destined to go long. This world is full of ** and choices, and only by always sticking to the most sincere emotions and beliefs in our hearts can we resist all the disturbances of the outside world.
Shui Qing's choice is undoubtedly cruel, but at the same time clear. Her rejection was a temporary blow to me, but it also gave me the opportunity to re-examine myself and clarify my life goals. I can't help but reflect, what is my love, my happiness? What I am looking for is not only love, but also a broader family and country feelings and life ideals?
In my career, I have seen all kinds of people and things, some people bend their waists for five buckets of rice, and some people are loyal and loyal. All this has made me understand a truth: whether it is a relationship or a career, what is really worth pursuing and cherishing must be those people and things that can share weal and woe with you and never give up. If you are fighting with an army, you need comrades who are willing to walk through the difficulties side by side and arm in hand in times of crisis.
In the days to come, I will continue to use my fiery and firm heart to shoulder every challenge and face every new morning and night. Because I know that there is still so much beauty in my life waiting for me to defend and realize with my own hands. Whether it is the longing for my family, the emotion of Shui Qing, or the prospect of my military career, it has become the driving force for me to keep moving forward.
Love, although it has a place in my life, is by no means the whole story. In the army, among my comrades-in-arms, in those days of cold guns and hot guns, I learned to shoulder more responsibilities and missions as a middle-class person. When the country needs me, I will not hesitate to step up. This sense of responsibility and mission is deeper and more lasting to me than any form of love.
In any case, after experiencing this incident, I firmly believe that the happiness that truly belongs to me is still waiting for me, it is not the glory that can be obtained by virtue of fame, but through continuous efforts and struggles, one day in the future, quietly blooming. And I, Zhang Jiaxing, will definitely live up to my youth and youth.
Narrator: A struggling old platoon leader; Text: The Shadow of the Heart.Create and share a variety of military stories, and the articles are written in the first person for easy reading by readers.
*It has nothing to do with this article, if there is any infringement, please contact me to delete.