February** Dynamic Incentive Program
An old farmer went to the market to buy horses and found that all the horses were marked with a very high ** except for one old horse. He asked the horse seller, "Why is this horse so cheap?" ”
The man who sold the horse replied: "Oh, this horse came from a collective farm, it only understands political slogans, it is not easy to sell, so it is cheap." ”
The old farmer thought it was interesting and bought the old horse. He tried to let the horse go, but no matter how hard he tried, the horse remained motionless. He asked the horse seller what to do, and the horse seller told him: "You have to shout long live Stalin before the horse moves." ”
The old peasant shouted a slogan, and sure enough, the horse began to run, faster and faster, and soon blew to the edge of the cliff. He tried desperately to get the horse to stop, but the horse ignored it, and in desperation, the old peasant cried out "Long live Trotsky!" ”
A miracle happened, and the old horse immediately stopped, right on the edge of the cliff. The old peasant breathed a long sigh of relief and said to himself: "Well, this horse almost made me meet Trotsky." ”
Note: Trotsky was Stalin's political enemy and was assassinated by him).
The Cheka asked Stalin: "The next group will be shot before lunch or after lunch?" ”
Stalin replied: "Before lunch, of course, lunch must be saved for street children." ”
Brezhnev and Gulayev flew together to inspect various places. The plane flew over a city, and Brezhnev looked to the ground and saw a large number of people lining up in front of a house. He asked the navigator Igory, who was sitting in the front: "Igory, look at the ground, what are those people lining up for?" ”
Igory looked at the ground with a telescope and replied: "Comrade General Secretary, it's a butcher's shop, and people are lining up to buy meat. ”
Brezhnev said: "If now I throw the meat down, they will kiss my hands." ”
"If I throw the sausages down, they will kiss my feet," Gulayev said. ”
Igory turned back to them and said, "If I throw you two down, they'll kiss my ass."
Note: Gulayev is the first secretary of the Communist Party of Kazakhstan).
During the Cold War, a Soviet immigrated to the United States. When he arrived at the security check at the airport in the United States, the staff found a poster with Stalin printed on it in his luggage.
The staff asked him, "What are you doing with this poster?" ”
The Soviets replied: "It relieves my homesickness." ”
The staff asked again: "Do you Soviets all worship Stalin so much?" ”
The Soviets said: "No, whenever I feel emotionally disturbed by homesickness and affect my work, I don't want to go back when I look at this poster." ”
What does Brezhnev have on a daily basis these days? ”
Resurrection at 9 a.m., intravenous breakfast at 10 a.m., preparation of working meals at 11 a.m., and eating working meals at 12 p.m. The medallion is removed at 1 p.m., a new medal is awarded at 2 p.m., a break is taken from 3 to 5 p.m., a working meal is prepared at 6 p.m., a working meal is entered at 7 p.m., a clinical death is performed at 8 p.m., and a resurrection ...... is given at 9 a.m. the next day”
A young reporter from Pravda was sent to the countryside to disseminate the party's principles, lines, and policies to the villagers through educational talks.
At the end of the night's conversation, he asked the villagers questions as usual, and as usual, none of the villagers asked questions.
He concluded: "Pravda is for the people, what do you think we should do to improve the newspaper so that it will be more beneficial to you?" ”
A voice came from the back of the hall: "Use less ink." ”
Is it okay to criticize Hitler?
Of course you can, just like criticizing Stalin, but you have to lock yourself in your bedroom, cover yourself with two quilts, preferably three, and finally, you whisper what the ** person in your heart wants to say, and the time is strictly limited to five minutes. ”
The Soviet leaders traveled en masse by train, drove on, the tracks came to an end, and the train had to stop.
With a wave of his hand, Lenin issued a call: "Immediately mobilize the proletarians to work on Saturday, build railways, and go straight to communism!" ”
Stalin held his pipe and ordered: "Send me a million ** prisoners, if you can't build a railway, you will all be shot." ”
Khrushchev knocked on his leather shoes and shouted: "Take the railway behind to the front, and keep moving!" ”
Brezhnev waved his hands and said: "Sit in your seat and shake your body to make it look like the train is still moving." ”
Gorbachev mused: "Dismantle the train, go to a place where there are tracks, and put it back together." ”
And so the USSR collapsed.
When Khrushchev committed the atrocities of Stalin in the CPSU XX***, someone in the audience handed a note up.
Khrushchev read out the contents of the note on the spot: "Comrade Khrushchev, what were you doing at that time? ”。
Then asked: "Who wrote this, please stand up!" ”
I asked three times in a row, but no one in the audience stood up.
So Khrushchev said: "Now let me answer you, I was sitting in your place at that time." ”
When Brezhnev visited Britain, Margaret Thatcher asked him: "What do you think of Churchill?" ”
Who was Churchill? Brezhnev asked rhetorically.
Returning to the Soviet embassy in Britain, the ambassador commented: "Congratulations, Comrade Brezhnev, you have made Margaret Thatcher honest, she will never dare to ask such stupid questions again." ”
Who was Thatcher? Brezhnev asked rhetorically.
An elderly man is filling out a questionnaire, one of which is: "What is your opinion on the current food **?" ”
After pondering for a moment, the old man wrote, "I don't have any opinion on food **. ”
A few days later, he received ** from the KGB: Comrade, we received a response to your questionnaire, but you forgot to leave your name. ”
The old man replied, "Oh, just like I have with food **, I don't have any opinion about my name." ”
The funniest jokes in the former Soviet Union that made people laugh (9) The funniest jokes in the former Soviet Union that made people laugh (8) The funniest jokes in the former Soviet Union that made people laugh (7) The funniest jokes in the former Soviet Union that made people laugh (6) The funniest jokes in the former Soviet Union that made people laugh (5).