The vast majority of the love and pain we have between people is related to the basic fact that the psychological level of many adults is actually the level of infants. In our daily life and work, if we encounter such a person: he always wants to control and manipulate others, they are perfect for themselves, although they can't do it themselves, but you are not perfect, he will immediately become angry. As long as you don't fit his imagination, he will do anything from complaining to being angry. When you meet such a person, you can pop up an extremely concise word in your heart, and you silently smile at him in your heart, this person is a "giant baby".
A giant baby is a kind of adult who is still stuck at the level of a baby even if it has grown up, it should face the society by itself, but it still relies on its parents or others, and it is a veritable adult whose heart is still stuck at the level of a baby. Giant babies have a lot of terrible psychology, their hearts are strong on the one hand, and fragile on the other hand, and the strength of their hearts is to protect their fragile side, so they can't accept doubts, and once they are questioned, they will strongly resist. They also can't accept treatment that they don't expect, and when they encounter it, they fall into a state of depression. They also can't accept setbacks, and when they do, their hearts will be broken.
The common characteristics of giant babies are dependence, selfishness, temper, lack of responsibility, and lack of assertiveness. He always believed that the world should revolve around him. Although he has reached adulthood, his mind is still in the early childhood stage. The giant baby thinks that if he is unhappy, then there is something wrong with the world - his evaluation of the world depends entirely on whether the world around him makes him happy. If someone disagrees with him, he suffers exceedingly, and he cannot bear any ...... that disagrees with hisThere are only two ways for giant babies to know the world - good or bad, demons or angels. The self-perception is that either I am God, or I am dust.
An important representative phenomenon of giant babies is the "Ma Bao Man". A dignified man, in his twenties and thirties, has even married a daughter-in-law, is with his mother every day, listens to his mother's words, takes a bath and asks his mother to wipe his back, and even does not sleep with his wife, but sleeps with his mother ......I think everyone has heard of such an example. When I ran a small company a few years ago, a little intern came, this little boy was very handsome and sunny, very strong in business, and he could laugh and laugh. But that night, his mother actually called me a **, all kinds of please, the child is still young and ignorant, you should scold, you should beat. I said Auntie, this boy has grown so big, it's not your turn to say such things to me, he will tell me anything. Later, the internship period ended, and sure enough, his mother said that he couldn't develop in Dalian, and I had already found you a good job in my hometown, so hurry back to my hometown, and then transfer him back. If the boy can't get rid of this unhealthy mother-child symbiotic relationship, the regret medicine of life may have him to eat.
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also another very important phenomenon of giant babies. There is a joke that says, it's not easy to be a mother, it took years to teach my son to wear pants, and as soon as you came, the little goblin, let him take off his pants in a second. The original mother-son symbiotic relationship was suddenly broken, and I couldn't stand it anymore, and the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law naturally came.
There is a phenomenon called "nagging" in many families. What is nagging? Nagging is not a lot of words, but a controlling spell that transcends boundaries. A friend once told me a story about the family, saying that as long as I do one thing, my mother will definitely say it, for example, when I go out, my mother will say: put on your shoes. When I walked in the door, my mother would say, "Go wash your hands." When something falls to the ground, my mother will say pick it up. When something is broken, my mother will say "Eh, why is it broken again", hurry up and clean up ......I'm going to do these things right away, why do you say that? It stands to reason that mothers are not very malicious, which is too common in many families. But what do you think, what is it essentially? It's that there is no boundary between me and you, we are symbiotic, you are an organ of mine, and I command you to use this language. Actually, it's a spell, and mom uses a spell to command you. You don't believe that you go out and do an experiment, and somebody is walking there, and you shout one-two-one, one-two-one. He's sure he won't be able to walk for a while. This is the kind of helplessness that control brings to the other party, and many people have to bear the nagging of this giant baby in the family.
I often see news that there are many old people who are knocked down on the street and you have to help him, and he will lie to you when he wakes up. In the past, we all thought that these old people were morally corrupt and were seeking money from others. Later, many psychologists analyzed that this phenomenon is a psychological expression of the elderly. Because those old men are giant babies, after he fell down because of his body out of control, he must subconsciously find an external malicious devil, and then move his anger to the past. It's like a dog burps itself, startles itself, and then starts barking because it thinks there must be an external force that makes it lose control. So a lot of old people wake up and grab you, young man, why did you knock me down? This is the expression of the psychology of the giant baby. He must find an external malicious devil, and then move his anger to the past, so that his own psychology can be adjusted. There are many similar examples, such as the subway grabbing seats, square dance aunts occupying basketball courts, ......Wait, wait, that's too much.
There will be a lot of unnecessary disputes in society, and it is normal for a society to have some disputes, because the resources are limited, and you want it too, so it will be a quarrel or a fight. But in the world of giant babies, the origin of strife is different, as long as it doesn't meet my imagination, I will have a dispute with you, in the world of giant babies, he can't figure out the difference between imagination and reality. I suddenly remembered an argument with a colleague in the office the other day. Just because I said something against Chinese medicine, it caused an afternoon of controversy about Chinese medicine. Because the opinions I expressed were different from what he imagined in his heart, he launched a very irrational attack on me. Let's not talk about the rights and wrongs of my opinion, you must at least allow my opinion to exist, right? This is the most basic respect for others. It's a bit like walking down the street, I look at you, and you say what are you doing looking at me? I said, what do I look at you? And then it took a fight. This kind of strife is a typical giant baby strife.
A lot of people are very reasonable, but their ability to act is very poor. This phenomenon is also common in our daily life, why? Because in the world of the giant baby, it is made of imagination, and the world imagined by the giant baby is perfect. As soon as you dare to take a step forward, that imaginary perfection is immediately lost. There may be flaws in everything you do, so you see that some people can't write articles and can't draw pictures there. Why didn't he write it, you ask? He'll say, I'm waiting for inspiration. His implication was that God had better touch my head, and I would be able to write an article or a picture and kill everybody in an instant. It's a perfect state, and I can't even write a word as long as I can't get it perfect. Some people are unable to start writing and drawing normally for the rest of their lives because of this knot. In fact, there is nothing difficult about writing and drawing, just normal expression, do you really think that you will win the Nobel Prize in Literature immediately for writing an article? Do you really think you can surpass Van Gogh by painting a single painting? Stop dreaming, those are imaginary worlds.
I often have students ask me such questions in school, saying that the school I was admitted to is not very good, the major I studied is not very good, I haven't read any books in the past few years, my family has no money, and I don't have any background myself, but I just want to get ahead, I still want to be very rich, what do you think I should do? This kind of problem comes almost every year, and you say that I am just as one of your teachers, how can I know what to do? You've blocked all the roads in your own imaginary world, and what you mean by that is that you don't act on your own, you're like a giant baby, and then wait for your mom to put that bottle in your mouth? Is this your most perfect world? This giant baby is extremely incapacitated.
In the modern social environment, as long as you reflect on yourself, each of us has more or less had the psychological structure of a giant baby. So how should we deal with the psychological problems of giant babies?
The first method is love, which is an ability that we can spend our lives chasing. Our Chinese parents often say, "I'm doing this for you", which is not called love, this is called manipulation and control. What is love? It is the opposite of it, which is called understanding and acceptance. "Understanding and acceptance" can only be understood, not spoken. Through our own lifelong learning, we continue to understand, we are always on the road.
The second way is to use intellectual cognition and liberalism to ** our "pathological symbiosis". Through reading and studying, our cognition continues to spiral.
The third method is called "awareness." For example, as a giant baby, what others say or do is not in line with our imagination, what should we do with the inexplicable giant baby-like anger in our hearts? We need to be a little slower before we speak, that is, when we express any dissatisfaction, we have to be slow to express it. It is similar to teaching a child how to control anger, that is, teaching him to read one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and the baby is not angry or angry. After he read this passage, he really didn't get angry. Because of people's awareness and awareness of their own emotions, this process is disintegrating this emotion.
The fourth way is action. The most terrifying cage of a giant baby is to live in your own mind forever, once you start to act, no matter what kind of action, as long as you take a step to start acting, you will immediately get out of that imaginary world, because you will constantly face mistakes, face corrections, face to cooperate with others, face to persuade others, face to accept your own imperfections, step by step, you will leave the giant baby in your body behind you.
Work hard to act, to grow, and get rid of that giant baby in our body! If you are poor, you will be good alone, and if you are good, you will help the world. Ji Xianwei.