Do you always think that others are very bitter and not easy, but you have a sense of responsibility and don't consciously pick things up and do them?
Are you always tired to the point that you can't do it, but you still don't consciously pay for others and consume yourself?
Do you always put other people's affairs first, ignoring your own feelings and needs?
Xiao Ying is such a person, she always regards other people's affairs as her own responsibility, like burning a candle to illuminate others. In the company, as the team leader, she is responsible for coordinating and assigning tasks and checking the work progress of team members. However, whenever a team member encounters difficulties or behaves negatively, she can't help but take back her work and take on tasks that don't belong to her. This often forced her to bring home work and stay up until dawn. February** Dynamic Incentive Program
When she returned home, she would help take care of her nephews and nieces in order to ease the burden on her brother and sister-in-law. However, when she wants to date her boyfriend, she is often complained about not caring for her family and accused of being selfish. And when she neglects her boyfriend because she is busy with work or taking care of the children, she will be blamed by her boyfriend and fall into deep self-blame.
Xiao Ying felt very aggrieved, no one seemed to see her efforts, and her efforts seemed to sink into the sea. Is it really so difficult to balance life that you can only choose to take care of one or the other?
Why did Xiao Ying fall into such a predicament?
Because Xiaoying builds her sense of worth on contributing to others, she is always busy for others, and other people's things are always more important than herself, she is busy fulfilling other people's expectations, but she forgets to take care of her own feelings and needs, and occasionally blames herself for being complained about when she does what she wants to do, and then leaves time for others to ......
What Xiao Ying doesn't realize is that when she doesn't value herself and doesn't love herself, others won't pay attention to her either. They will treat her the way she treats herself, and they will call her. Her efforts are often taken for granted and not valued. And because Xiao Ying is too eager to be seen and affirmed, she falls into a vicious circle that constantly consumes herself.
In fact, if you want to illuminate others, you can not only burn yourself, you can illuminate yourself and others at the same time, and learn to be a light that takes care of yourself and others, rather than a candle that burns out and disappears.
Here are some places you can start:
1.Take responsibility for taking care of yourself
Be aware of and take care of your own emotions and needs, take responsibility for taking care of yourself, and aim to take responsibility for your own life, rather than always taking care of others and helping others.
Before you want to give warmth to others, make sure that you are warm and not cold.
Think about what percentage of your life is for yourself and what percentage of your life is busy with others, and please maintain at least 60% of them doing what they really want to do and taking care of their emotions and needs.
2.Assess willingness and expression limitations
When facing the request of others, first think about your own willingness and ability, including the time arrangement, whether you will be reluctant and embarrassed, and if you want to do it, how far you want to do it, and then respond, when there is a possibility of burning yourself, bravely say no, express restrictions and establish boundaries, and return the responsibility to the other party.
PS: It's not just two options: say yes and say no completely, you can show your restrictions and show kindness, such as: I have important things to do right now, and I can help when I can. 」
3.Self-respect and self-soothing
You may feel uneasy when you begin to learn to say no and set boundaries, and when the person you have benefited from criticizes and belittles you, you are likely to be pressured to say yes again. At this time, please respect your own wishes and tell yourself: before taking care of others, I have to pay attention to myself and take care of myself, I am not obliged to meet all the expectations of the other person, I do not need to pay infinitely, I do not have to agree to his request.
In addition, you can always tell yourself that my needs and feelings are important, and I can take care of and meet my needs first
I can keep my time to myself and I can do what I want to do on my own
I can trust others to have the ability to deal with their own problems without having to jump in and help all the time