We are well aware of the importance of prescribing the right medicine, so before taking the medicine, whether it is necessary to understand the symptoms first.
How to guide an avoidant girlfriend can also be thought about with a similar logic.
First of all, we have to understand the characteristics of avoidant girlfriends.
1. A strong sense of boundaries
When interacting with others, it is easy to ignore the feelings of others, and the slight behavior of others may stimulate her aggressive posture.
2. Refuse intimacy
After falling in love, avoidant attachment obviously cares about the other party, but cares but says the opposite, does the opposite of what is in the heart, and after intimacy, it is always impossible to believe that someone will really always be good to themselves and will always love themselves. Then they will repeatedly push the other person away and test the other person repeatedly.
3. I like to sulk and let the other party guess my thoughts
In a relationship, if you don't communicate in time, there will be contradictions due to many misunderstandings, serious and even conflicts. But people who tend to have avoidant attachment often don't like to express themselves, and let the other person guess their own thoughts, guess why they are angry, and eventually form cold violence.
4. Don't like to express yourself
I don't like to express, I don't like to talk, I will digest problems by myself, and I will only sulk when I encounter contradictions and leave silently. Even if you choose to disconnect, they will rarely come to you on their own initiative.
5. Rich imagination and making something out of nothing
Avoidant attachment is suspicious, and as long as you don't meet your appetite, you will be suspicious and stressed. For example, if you are busy with work and do not reply to WeChat in time, by the time you remember to reply to them, they have already changed their faces. And what's even more terrifying is that avoidant attachment will make up some non-existent scenes: "Do you have other girls?".Are you looking for a new partner?In order to hurt the other party.
The picture of the brain supplement is like the real thing, but it doesn't exist at all, and there is no evidence of the betrayal of the partner.
6. Lack of love and low self-esteem
You can dig into the background of avoidant attachment. The original family may not be happy enough, the material economy is relatively tight, and the spirit may not have received strong love. When around peers, there is often a feeling of inferiority. If you are short in height and ordinary in appearance, you are more likely to fall into the whirlpool of self-criticism and feel that you should not have come to this world. More severe forms of depression can occur.
7. Haunting the past experience
Usually a bad experience. Avoidant people seem to have automatic filtering devices in their minds, and good experiences are hard to remember, but bad experiences are unforgettable, and even good experiences may be interpreted as bad versions by them.
This is also due to his original family background, which makes him feel that he is not qualified to be loved, and feels that those bad experiences are not accidental, but inevitable, and will continue to be repeated in the future.
8. Excessive self-esteem
Because of low self-esteem, you must keep your last bottom line;Because I already feel looked down upon, I must resolutely resist the "offense" of others. Excessive self-esteem stems from excessive inferiority, and even edges and corners will hurt others by mistake.
This also results in avoidant attachment, which can give people a relatively cold and unapproachable feeling.
9. I don't know how to love others
From a psychological point of view, a person's ability to learn to love others is often mapped from their parents. The avoidant attachment personality has not learned "how to love someone" since childhood, so in future intimate relationships, they will show panic and overwhelmed, and do not know how to love, which leads to them not knowing how to express love.
10. Sudden indifference
Without a particular trigger, avoidant attachment may suddenly become indifferent and unnoticed. One second it's fine, the next second it changes face. It may be because the avoidant suddenly thinks of something, or suddenly observes some detail, which makes him feel that he has been neglected, and then the emotions come up and he can't control it.
How to guide an avoidant girlfriend?
Channeling an avoidant girlfriend requires patience, understanding, and strategy. Here are some tips to help you build a healthy, stable relationship with your avoidant girlfriend.
First, it's important to understand her avoidance behavior patterns. Avoidant girlfriends often choose to avoid stress, anxiety, or emotional issues. Knowing her triggers can help you react and develop coping strategies accordingly.
Second, stay calm and sane. When you realize that your girlfriend is avoiding, don't be overly emotional or put pressure on you. Give her some space and time to process her emotions on her own. At the same time, express your concern and support through positive communication to make her feel safe and understood.
In addition, establishing a healthy communication pattern is key. Respect your girlfriend's boundaries and wishes, and avoid accusations or criticism. Try to communicate openly, honestly, and respectfully, listening to her perspectives and feelings. Through listening and respect, you can gradually build a relationship of trust and understanding.
In addition, cultivating common interests and activities is also an effective way to strengthen relationships. Participating in activities together can help you get to know each other better, reduce your girlfriend's anxiety, and increase your intimacy.
Finally, it is also a wise choice to seek professional help. If your girlfriend's avoidance behavior seriously affects your relationship and life, you can consider seeking help from a psychological counselor or a marriage therapist. Professionals can provide more specific and personalized advice to help you improve your relationship.
In conclusion, it takes patience, understanding, and strategy to guide an avoidant girlfriend. Through positive communication and mutual support, you can build a healthy, stable relationship with her.