As we get older, the challenges of life seem unavoidable, and we want to enjoy our old age without worries, but we are often plagued by unexpected troubles. Getting along with our children may be one of them, and despite our efforts to communicate and understand each other, generational gaps and differences in perceptions often create barriers. In this case, giving in has become the norm for parents, who would rather be wronged in their hearts than let their children suffer any harm. This phenomenon is poignant, so it is especially important to learn to communicate effectively with children, both parents and children, need to learn to compromise and respect, so as to avoid further escalation of conflicts and ultimately hurt each other's feelings.
Recently, I heard a 60-year-old retiree named Aunt Wang share the troubles of her later life. It is not so much the contradictions brought about by living with children, but the foreshadowing of all kinds of contradictions that have been planted before the incident, which eventually leads to the gradual estrangement of the relationship, and even evolves into a more serious problem. Her heart was full of dissatisfaction and grievances, and she couldn't let go of it when she returned home, and said bluntly: "I will never easily open this door again!" ”
Aunt Wang confided in me: "I have entered the ranks of 60 years old, and it has been five or six years since I retired. My old age is satisfying because my partner and I are still able to stay together and support each other. Although there were quarrels and disagreements between us, all these years have passed, and we have become accustomed to this kind of life. Love has gradually turned into a bond of affection, and it has become our common expectation to walk hand in hand for the rest of our lives. ”
We have a son and a daughter, and we have worked hard to raise them. Whether it's taking care of their daily life or educating them to grow, we do our best. Even after they get married and have children, we are willing to do our best to help them and take care of the growth of our grandchildren. However, what we can give is not always what they need, and sometimes even what they refuse.
I remember when my daughter-in-law got pregnant, my heart was filled with joy and anticipation. I even considered quitting my job and dedicating myself to helping them take care of their children. However, before I could actually put it into action, my son and daughter-in-law rejected my kindness. They worry that I will be overworked, that it will be inconvenient for me to take care of the children when I am older, and that our different living habits will lead to conflicts. In the end, I failed to fulfill my wish, and my wife comforted me and said, "It's okay not to go, it's more worry-free." Helping them with their children is very hard, and when the time comes, they will not get the respect they deserve, but they will be troublesome. ”
It was my wife's support that kept me from being too depressed, but the regret of not being able to participate in the growth of my grandchildren often haunted me.
This time they did not object to me going and acquiesced in my decision. So, I moved into their home and lived with them. However, after I moved in, there was still some friction in my life. Although there is still enough space in the home for us, after all, there will be some inconveniences in living together. I once smiled and said to my mother-in-law, "Now that I am retired, I will take care of the children." You've been helping them with their children for a few years, so you should take a good break and go on a trip with your in-laws to relax. ”
However, the mother-in-law just smiled and did not say anything. Afterwards, I learned from my son about the real situation of my mother's family. It turned out that my father-in-law now works in the provincial capital, and his food and accommodation are in the unit. My mother-in-law would occasionally come over, and there were more opportunities for the two of them to see each other. Because it was not very convenient before, my father-in-law rarely came to our house. Moreover, the couple also plan to spend their old age in the provincial capital and be closer to their daughter-in-law, so that their pension is more secure.
After listening to my son's words, it dawned on me. It turns out that my mother's family is now reunited, closer than the distance between us and our son. I was both happy and sad to learn of this. After all, they are closer to my child, which means that my relationship with my child may not be as strong. If it weren't for my wife's job, if we hadn't lived in my hometown for the rest of my life, I would have wanted to move in with my wife and live with them. Unfortunately, it's too late now, and I can only accept this fact.
During that time, I didn't get along with my children well, and I didn't feel wronged, except that occasionally I felt closer to each other, and I sometimes felt like an outsider, and I felt quite uncomfortable.
Later, I moved back to live in my heart, and I could only complain to my wife about my dissatisfaction, which was the most difficult hurdle for me in all these years.
Some time ago, my grandson had a birthday, and according to the practice of previous years, my wife and I had to go, but my wife couldn't get out because of work, so I had to go alone. I spent a three-hour drive buying my grandson's favorite food and big red envelopes. When they arrived, it was already past six o'clock in the evening, and they found that they had already had their birthday dinner, the family was together, the birthday cake had been cut, and the candles had been blown out. I was a little angry, and although I forced a smile to give my grandson a gift, when I sat down, I saw that the dishes on the table were all spicy, and I was even more dissatisfied. I asked my son why he didn't cook non-spicy dishes, but my daughter-in-law replied that she didn't wait for me to cook, saying that I didn't use it. She handed me a stir-fried greens, and I angrily stood up and declared that I was not welcome, and left in a rage.
My son chased me out, my daughter-in-law apologized verbally, and my mother-in-law persuaded me, but I couldn't stand it anymore. As a grandmother of my children, I was like an outsider, not getting the respect and love I deserved. It was very chilling for me, especially to see how close they were to me and my parents-in-law. Although my wife has been comforting me, the grievances in my heart are still the same. It's getting harder and harder, and I don't know what to do.