In romantic relationships, we sometimes encounter a situation where it feels inappropriate with the other person. At this point, we are faced with a choice:Do you want to continue the run-in, or do you choose to leave? This is a matter that needs to be carefully considered.
First of all, we need to clarify the meaning of "running-in". Running in usually means adjusting your attitude, behavior and communication style to adapt to the other person in order to achieve a better relationship effect. And "leaving" means ending the relationship and finding a partner who is more suitable for you.
When it comes to "running-in", 90% of people will feel tired, which means patience, accommodation, and forced sacrifice. In fact, running-in does not mean bottomless concession and obedience. During the run-in period, it is necessary to maintain a calm mind to face contradictions and differences. We need to understand and accept those differences, but at the same time, we need to respect our own boundaries and principles. Accommodating, on the other hand, means sacrificing one's own interests or needs in order to cater to the other person or maintain the relationship. If you find that you have to change to not be like yourself in order to cater to the other person and keep the relationship going, then breaking up may be a better option.
In the long run, running-in may be more conducive to the healthy development of the relationship. Through running-in, both parties can better understand each other's needs, habits and values, and find a relatively balanced mode of getting along. Such a process helps to strengthen mutual trust and tacit understanding, and lays the foundation for the stability and deepening of the relationship.
In contrast,Accommodation can have some negative consequences. On the one hand, long-term accommodations can make relationships unequal, and one of the partners may feel neglected or taken advantage of. On the other hand, excessive accommodation can also lead to the accumulation of discontent and contradictions, which can eventually lead to bigger problems.
Of course, inIn some specific casesBrief accommodations may be necessary, especially when dealing with urgent or temporary issues. But in the long run, running-in is a healthier and more sustainable way to deal with it.
It doesn't feel right, does it "feel" accurate? Fit doesn't mean 100% fit. Some people say that it is not suitable because it is a different place, and I want to stay in my hometown to take care of my parents, and so do you. None of us can convince anyone, and neither of us wants the other to make sacrifices for us. That's really inappropriate, it's not going to get in.
Whether it is suitable or not depends on whether you are in the same general direction, and no one is born and raised to cooperate with you; In the same way, you don't need to sacrifice your principles to cater to whomever or another.
Find someone who has the same general direction, think clearly before starting, and then there is the possibility of running-in. Run-in is not a unilateral sacrifice of anyone, but a mutual concession, so that they can find a common comfort zone after the collision of contradictions.
Start looking at the pros and look at the disadvantages for a long time. Out of the psychological need for politeness and self-expression, people often show their best side to strangers, so the first meeting is always beautiful. If there is more contact after the first meeting, mutual appreciation gradually develops a good feeling, and the two people who can't help but be attracted may get closer and establish an intimate relationship.
The beginning of a relationship is the honeymoon phase, which usually doesn't last more than three months, but during this period, all you can see is a side of the other person full of strengths. As for the other side, you'll make it up to your imagination. And we know that imagination is always easy to carry a beautification filter.
As the honeymoon period ends and the relationship continues, shortcomings will gradually emerge. Long-term depends on the shortcomings, and whether the other party's shortcomings belong to the part you are willing to tolerate determines how far you can go. Seeing the shortcomings, it is to have an overall understanding of the other party, to complete the other side, and the risk has become controllable from now on. So the relationship smoothly entered the run-in period.
What should come will always come, and the run-in period cannot be bypassed. After the three-month honeymoon period, the hormone secretion gradually stabilized, and the run-in period appeared, and due to the large psychological gap compared with before, the idea of "not suitable" came out.
Therefore, when the relationship reaches a certain stage, it is normal to doubt whether it is suitable or not, which is what every couple will always experience. At this time, the important thing is to face the blandness, accept that the emotional concentration is reduced, and return to daily life. At this time, many people will enter a misunderstanding, that is, they feel that this is not right, we have no freshness, and we have to do something. So after all kinds of tossing and turning, after half the effort, I came to the conclusion that "we can't go back to the past", and then broke up.
That's how everyday life is. There are not so many wind and snow, it is trivial firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar tea. You will have contradictions, you will be emotionally cold, occasionally no one will want to pay attention to anyone, the emotional crisis cannot be avoided, it must be hidden somewhere, after all, you are two different people coming together, there is no 100% fit.
This is where the meaning of running in is that we adjust to each other, each has a compromise, and finally we can find a comfort zone and achieve a balance in the relationship. People who have experienced a quiet period without breaking up can be together for a lifetime.
During the run-in period, you should keep a calm mind to face it, don't treat the other party as an enemy, you don't want to persuade or subdue them, accept that you are two different individuals, and fully expose the contradictions.
Be mentally prepared:Although we are different, the goal is the same, and we hope that we can go on better through running-in, which is a win-win situation. Any one-sided victory, is a loss.
In addition, running-in is not to make you give up your principles, to give in and obey without a bottom line, if you find that you have to change not like yourself in order to cater to the other party so that the relationship can continue, then break up, you are really not suitable. Both sides must back down, evaluate and deal with disputes based on the principle of respect, and only by understanding and accepting those parts of the difference can the intimacy move forward. When you touch the bottom line and can't go on, or you have no way to retreat, the other party is still sitting back and enjoying the success, and when you don't move, breaking up is the right choice to try not to regret it.
Why is it said that there are no two people who are 100% compatible? It's not just a matter of luck and probability, it's because each of us is in flux, and intimacy flows. Five years ago, and now you, the surrounding environment and your own state of mind must have undergone tremendous changes, and you will have completely different requirements for choosing a mate. We need to have patience and determination to run in, rather than giving up or breaking up easily. Of course, if you can't improve the relationship despite all your efforts, then leaving is also the right choice. It's important to create a better future for yourself and the other person, and not to cling to an inappropriate relationship. Marriage and divorce are all for happiness.
But before that, you must think twice and try to communicate and run in. Don't miss the wrong relationship, but don't regret the separation because of regrets.