This year,It seems that as long as you act alone, you will be labeled as "lonely".
This feeling that others think you are lonely is especially obvious for single middle-aged women.
But God knows how difficult it is for a middle-aged woman with a family to want such happiness.
There was a joke circulating on the Internet:
Middle-aged men like to sit in the car for a while when they come home from work, why?
Because only this time is completely your own.
As a middle-aged woman, when I saw this paragraph, I was quite unconvinced.
The joy of being alone is not only known to men, but also to women.
But this kind of solitude is not the same as lonelinessLoneliness can make you panic and even make you fidget, while loneliness is full.
It is an abundance of quiet, and I have my own joy.
A person can have a happy birthday as much as he wants
Who understands?
I still remember when I was in my 20s, I would invite a lot of friends to celebrate every birthday and make a big fuss about KTV.
After getting married, I often celebrate with my husband, children, and family, and it is lively.
But this year,I'm 38 years old, and I suddenly want to celebrate my birthday alone, quietly.
It was my first birthday on my own, but it was one of my favoritesYou don't have to smile at anyone, and you don't have to accommodate anyone.
Morning,After arranging the children's meals and pick-up, I pushed open the door and greeted the sun on my face, as if the whole world was celebrating my birthday.
In the afternoon,I went to a quiet book bar, plunged headlong into the text, and looked at it like an afternoon.
Wear a newly bought dress in the eveningVisit the coveted shop, cut a piece of cake for yourself, and savor the silky and sweet flavor of tiramisu.
Open a bottle of red wine, watch the red wine flow slowly down the wall of the glass, smell the mellow aroma of the wine, and say to yourself:
Happy birthday! You have worked hard, thank you, you deserve all the good.
That feeling is too a**.
I was completely immersed in the quality of my dealings with myself.
Looking back now, I used to be afraid of lonelinessSo every birthday, I hope that there is a large group of people around me, so that I can seem to be favored.
I hope to receive a surprise gift, and if I don't pinch some blessings, I will feel a little lost.
Now I prefer to pamper myself and no longer stubbornly need everyone around me to remember my birthday.
This change of mood may have something to do with me learning to accept myself.
Underneath this silence made me realize that I have the ability to take care of myself whenever and wherever I am.
The most precious gift I received this year is:The gift of love and care for oneself will never wither.
The happiness you get from others will always make you feel uneasy.
And when you learn to enjoy solitude, that slow pleasure can continue to grow.
The old mother let herself go,
It's so cool to wave alone!
I am a mother of two.
At the beginning, the whole family was very supportive, and I chose to give birth to Erbao.
But I didn't expect that after giving birth for a few months, my husband's work became busier, and he couldn't take care of taking care of the baby.
In addition to working during the day, I have to cook when I go home at night, take Dabao and coax Xiaobao.
In this way, the fragments of life have been overwhelmed.
Finally, one time, because of too much pressure, I quarreled with my husband, and I felt that I was in a particularly bad state that day.
At that moment, I suddenly realized that I was bound by the identity of "mother".
Thinking of before getting married, I longed for the "trip" of a single girlfriend who said he would go, but he didn't muster up the courage once.
After becoming a mother, time is cut into extremely fragments, and it is even more impossible.
The only trip was also with children and a family, old and young, exhausted.
This time, I need to "run away" for myself, otherwise I will be overwhelmed by anxiety and depression!
In this way, I simply packed a few clothes and came on a trip of "abandoning my husband and children".
At first, I was worried about the two children, and I was afraid that Dabao would be unhappy.
But I didn't expect the two babies to be in **, and when I heard that I would bring them delicious food back, I was so happy!
In the next few days, it was completely released, and being a "hands-off shopkeeper" also made my husband experience the difficulty of bringing a baby.
I find that walking alone is more calming and the whole focus is on myself.
Wake up every morning and ask yourself: Where do you want to go today?
It feels like taking care of a child, and it's really happy.
Stepping into an unfamiliar city, the senses will also be infinitely magnified, the waves crashing, passers-by smiling, the sun setting, completely immersed in the local culture, there is a kind of delight from the inside out.
Traveling alone can be regarded as a "blood recovery weapon" after becoming a mother.
When I chose to "recharge" on my own, I knew very wellOnly then can I put aside my other roles for a while.
There are no housework that must be done, there is no family that must be taken care of, and you can enjoy the freedom of not being disturbed.
That particular sense of loneliness is actually a sense of self-loveIt's as if there's room to talk to yourself.
During the trip, the dissatisfaction with her husband was also diluted.
In the end, when I went home, my husband understood my hard work with the baby better.
And the short separation from the child also allowed Erbao to successfully get through the separation anxiety period.
In fact, the most difficult part of the old mother's solo trip is to unload the burden of thought:
What about the child? What do the family think?
And all you have to do is get back to your identity, pack up your emotions and energy, and get back into your family again.
To be a happy mother is to be a happy mother.
Divorced without a baby, alone but not lonely
I, 41 years old, divorced for four years, childless, family-free, debt-free.
Over the years, many friends around me have expressed deep sympathy for me, and I should find another one.
Even if you don't find one, you must have children as companions, otherwise it is sad to be alone and die alone.
To be honest, compared to before the divorce, dealing with the tension brought about by the relationship between husband and wife, losing oneself,Loneliness after divorce is freedom.
It was only at the moment of divorce that I realized that sentence:
I once thought that the worst thing in the world was to die alone.
Actually, no, the worst thing is to grow old with people who make you feel lonely.
And you have to believe thatWhen a woman decides to love herself bravely, the long-suppressed power of "living for herself" will explode.
It turned out that it wasn't that he had a problem, but that person didn't know how to appreciate.
One morning after the divorce, I opened the window and stood on the balcony, and I suddenly realized that this is not the kind of life that has given me one more option.
I'm free, oh my God, I'm free, what else can ** me?
At that moment, I felt that the qi that I had been doing for so many years was smooth all of a sudden.
As for children, if I had, the greatest blessing I could give would be, let go! Life will have to be faced by one person in the end.
After leaving my ex-husband, I went to school, exercised, baked, studied, and arranged all the things I liked to do.
It's so wonderful to have a lot of extra time to live yourself!
You don't have to look at your mother-in-law's face anymore, you don't have to endure your partner's cold violence, you can earn your own money and spend it yourself, and you will be comfortable.
Beauvoir once said:
We always say that loneliness is sad for a woman, but I think she will be happier when she has time to calm herself down after the workday than when she has to serve four cubs and her husband.
Therefore, I believe that women should always maintain a certain range of freedom and solitude. ”
I no longer covet the morning and twilight of low-quality relationships, I yearn for the other side of loneliness, which represents rebirth and independence.
Self-pleassuring
Feminine wisdom at its highest level
A middle-aged female friend who is single all year round once told me in privateThey have a group, and every once in a while, someone will buy a sex toy and share their feelings after using it.
Some people may be surprised, how embarrassed to discuss sex toys, or women?
There are also people who will snort:
No matter how easy this thing is, how can it compare to a real person?
Besides, if you feel lonely, go find a boyfriend, that's called real sex. ”
In fact, it is no longer a private matter for women to visit sex toy stores and buy sex toys.
This is also what women are beginning to realizeYou have absolute control over your body, and you are not lonely.
Women began to break free from the subordination of the sexes and enjoy the pleasures that came naturally to them.
Every middle-aged woman has desires, and there is nothing to be shy about.
Sometimes when you are alone at home, you order a fragrance you like, put a gentle **, and touch yourself, that feeling is really magical.
Such as the touch of **, at the moment of contact, the two become one, comfortable to the legs.
What's more, in the exploration and connection of the body, you can better understand your own sexual response, and it can also bring new attempts for intimacy between two people in the future.
As Sophie said in "Sisters of Bankruptcy": No one knows how to caress myself better than I do. （no one does me better than me.）
Running alone
Be yourself immersively
I am 50 years old this year, and many hobbies are gradually disappearing in the trivialities of life.
But the only thing that insists is the thunderous morning jog after waking up every day.
Because my friends don't like sports very much, most of the time I am alone.
Running alone, seemingly lonely, is actually enjoyable.
When life is about to get out of control, put on running shoes and run, as if you can regain a sense of control in life.
At first, it was because I wanted to **, but I didn't expect to run, and I slowly started a self-talk in the running.
I was not disturbed by others, only the sound of the wind blowing the leaves and the chirping of birds, as if they were greeting me and interacting with each other.
In the exhale and breath of exercise, I fell into a deep silence and felt peace in my heart.
Miraculously, I feel joy more and more often in my daily life.
The previous pattern of internal friction in interpersonal relationships is slowly fading, and the power of transformation into nourishment is returning to me.
I often think,If I hadn't given myself such a "lonely" moment, how could I have been more and more comfortable!
Running 10 kilometers is a sour feeling, and the joy of pinching the watch will make me feel:
There is nothing in life that cannot be solved by 10 kilometers!
The famous writer Haruki Murakami also likes to run, he once said:
As long as I run, I'm happy.
Running is like life, chasing cadence, don't chase speed, in your own frequency, you can run easily and for a long time.
Loneliness is meant to be enjoyed
Zhang Ailing said:When people reach middle age, they often feel lonely.
But the word loneliness is the word that some people are afraid of when they hear itBut there are also many people who enjoy it and enjoy the gift of loneliness.
What kind of people are they?
You will find that they have let go of too many expectations of the outside world to varying degrees, put aside their social identities, and return to their hearts more often, always maintaining a kind of self-awareness
How can I love myself better?
How to use the opportunity of "loneliness" to have a good dialogue with yourself, so that loneliness becomes a kind of enjoyment, recommendedTeacher Lu YilingBased on more than ten years of experience, the course "Be Brave and Be Yourself" has been developed with great concentration, leading you to know yourself and bloom your life step by step.
Slowly, you will form a stable core of self, and in the daily coexistence with "loneliness", you will breed stronger strength.
Finally, even if it is lonely, we are no longer afraid.
On the contrary, it is sweet and sweet, and everything is just right.
So, be bold and give permission to allow yourself to enjoy solitudeStart with everything you're in, even if it's half an hour or an hour.
At first, you may feel a little uncomfortable and want to be surrounded by someone or divert your attention, but this is when you need to keep yourself going.
Look inside yourselfWhat is repressed, or feared, is actually the "shadow" that we cannot face on our own.
The famous esthetician Jiang Xun once said:
Loneliness is not the beginning of loneliness.
When you are afraid of loneliness and are driven by loneliness to find the reason why you are not lonely, it is the loneliest time.
Comfort her well, stay with this feeling for a while, and slowly, the time alone can be increased a little more.
And when our feelings are clear enough, we can let this feeling of being alone and not alone guide us.
Writer Zhou Guoping also said:
Solitude is a kind of inner calmness, in the time at your disposal, constantly getting closer to your ideal self.
When a person can begin to enjoy solitude, the blessings that come with life will begin to flow.
This article is co-created by Scorpion's pupil and Zhang Defen Space's main writing group, if you need **, please contact for authorization.
Planning丨Li Xuanyan.
Editor丨Yifan.