Some time ago, I heard that my friend Xiao Ye resigned from the stable system, and after a detailed conversation, I learned that she was under tremendous pressure in the system for 3 years, and she was not happy: the absolute authority of the leader, and the laziness of the old fritters in the unit. confides in his family but can't be understood, and will be said that he doesn't know how to cherish the iron rice bowl.
Xiao Ye told me that she found more and more people who wanted to be a bad person in the workplace, because it was too much to think of someone with a soft personality like her.
I asked her how she could suffer less in the workplace. She gave me three very pertinent suggestions.
First, learn to say no and be clear about your own boundaries. People with soft personalities are often the kind of gentle and responsible people, who always put the needs of others above their own. But kindness must have a sharp edge, and gentleness must be guarded by strength, otherwise it will be invaded by strong and unfriendly people, and it will not be able to protect its own rights and interests.
Boundaries are actually what kind of rules others have to follow when dealing with you. Conversely, when your rules become clearer, others will actively adjust themselves to your rules.
For example, some time ago, I had a project cooperation, and this partner was still sending me urgent revision requirements at 1 o'clock in the middle of the night, although I hadn't slept at the time, but I didn't want to deal with any work anymore, so I told him directly, why do you want me to change the document at 1 o'clock in the middle of the night, I feel very bad, don't you think this is very unreasonable? I was a little apprehensive before I sent it out, and I wondered if I was talking too hard, but after I said it, the other party realized, oh, it turns out that I am very problematic like this. He quickly apologized to me, saying that he had disturbed my rest, and offered to postpone the deadline for a few more days.
Therefore, you must not be afraid to lose the favor of others by expressing your discomfort and clarifying the boundaries, because when you express your demands honestly, you will not really lose the people who support you and love you, but you will lose the people who prostitute you and those who do not respect you.
Second, establish your own core strengths, because gentleness requires a strong foundation. When you reject the people and things that consume you, you have more time to use it to develop your strengths and hard power, because this is the confidence that you can take charge of yourself.
For example, why many newcomers in the workplace care about whether their colleagues and leaders like them or not like me when I was in my early 20s, in fact, this is because when we first entered the workplace, we did not get enough information and did not have the ability to do things enough. When a person can't get security from business, he will want to find security from relationships, until one day he realizes that being respected is more important than being liked, and your gentleness needs a strong foundation.
Third, being strong does not mean being strong, and we must cherish our tenderness and sincerity. In fact, in the process of my own pursuit of becoming strong and gentle, I also wanted to play a more aggressive person, for example, I would mercilessly reject all irrelevant people, always be ready to debate with others, do everything in a posture of fighting for me, and even sometimes imitate the aggressive tone of some people, for fear that I would not be shrewd.
But I don't like this kind of self, and it's an inexplicable feeling to lie in bed every day when I go home, and I'm tired. For people who are gentle and friendly by nature, aggressive posture is also a drain on oneself.
If we turn ourselves into someone we don't like in order not to be bullied, isn't that a form of bullying ourselves? Especially as I approach 30, I find that I will become more and more fond of the humble gentleman and the gentle self that the ancients said. I'm also more likely to be attracted to people like this in the crowd.
Later, I slowly understood that a gentle person is not without lethality, but he does not need to determine his value by being aggressive. When dealing with people, I would rather be clumsy and honest, and be the one who shows sincerity first, but instead win more support and peace of mind.
May all gentle people learn to be strong, and may all strong people not forget the original gentle self.