Publish a collection of dragon cards to share millions of cash
Text: 360-degree psychology understands love and understands you better.
Hello Teacher!
I want to talk to you about my marriage.
You said:"Once you lack help for your loved ones, the sense of responsibility for raising your children is the most terrible thing in marriage. ”What a hit the nail on the head.
My husband and I are a glamorous family. My husband is a civil servant, and I am a white-collar executive. My husband is obsessed with **, and more than 10 years ago, he even raised funds and secretly mortgaged a house loan to speculate, and also ran a number of credit card revolving loans, demolished the east wall to make up the west wall, and lost a lot. It was hidden from me for a long time, and when I learned later, I owed more than 1 million debts.
Thinking of his kindness, the child is still young, and after he confessed bitterly, I helped him pay off his debts and tide over the difficulties. After asking him to hand over his salary to me for management (before each of them was in charge of their own, my salary has always been much higher than his, never use him, I am also more big in this regard, I don't care about money).
Later, although he was restrained, his nature was difficult to change. There was also a case of borrowing money from his parents and stealing his salary card to invest in **. This was only discovered by my repeated questioning and investigation, and it took a lot of effort. I don't know anything else. He didn't let me see his ** and accounts, and he never took the initiative to tell me about all economic aspects. The beautiful name says: "It is meaningless to know more, and it is unnecessary to worry about yourself......".
Although he didn't have much money to toss, he was extremely dishonest and tried his best to hide money, which filled me with great insecurity.
I wanted to divorce many times, but I couldn't bear it. He always said, "Aren't I also trying to make more money?" Or "you don't have to worry about it, you don't have to worry about it so much", "you can't believe me so much" and so ......onIndeed, if you don't think too much, it seems to be calm, but the irresponsibility, the penchant for speculation, and the huge economic insecurity of his nature often make me panic when I think about it, and I don't know if there will be any big holes waiting for me to ......The thought of this makes me breathless.
I have a high salary in Kochi, my children are already in high school, and I basically rely on me to support my family and education every day. If I didn't have his original debts, I would have been rich and free enough on my own, at least to support my children's future study abroad expenses. But I have been paying off my debts for many years, and I still haven't saved much.
The time for the child to take the college entrance examination next year and need money is coming. The current situation can only depend on me, and I hope that he will not conjure up any big deficits for me, thank God. Sometimes when I think about it, I often feel a lot of pressure.
Can I get a divorce? As if there was no obvious fault, he would not have agreed. He is still pure and good-natured, and he will also take on life responsibilities such as grocery shopping and pick-up, and he is grateful and respectful to me. My in-laws are also very nice, kind and capable, and the elderly on both sides also have a good relationship. It seems difficult to rush to insist on a divorce.
Don't leave? Sometimes I think about it, especially when the pressure of the child's career and economy is on my shoulders, I feel deeply sad and worthless. I often dream back at midnight, I hope there is a man, I don't expect him to support me on his shoulders, at least he can share the ups and downs with me, support each other, mature and responsible, and create a better life for the family and children together....Instead of leaving me alone and terrified in the stressful days of midlife. As a woman, it's really not easy.
I remember you said that if there is a warm and happy marital relationship, who would choose an emotional entanglement outside of marriage? But life is really hard, just like the line "is life always this hard?... in "This Killer Is Not Too Cold".yes，always like this……”
In this life, I want to enjoy a normal married life of mutual support and mutual support, rather than absorbing a little warmth in the cracks outside of marriage. Is this still possible?
What should I do? This question has been bothering me for years.
Life is too short, and I want to make my life easier. But breaking the existing is not easy to say. I sincerely want to ask everyone to help me come up with ideas, is it to get by, or do you have the courage not to break and not stand?
My reply: This is not the most serious of yours, because his own income and yours are not bad, and he has some confidence to fill in the holes.
You said that he made you feel that this man was not bad in many behaviors, such as taking care of the children, buying vegetables and cooking, in addition to hiding it from you, because this brought you a lot of insecurity, especially with the previous experience of owing a million in debt. There is really no good reason for this problem if you get divorced, and if you don't get divorced, you will live in fear all the time.
What to do, if you feel that this man is good-natured and has a lot of motivation to live on, then don't solve all the problems yourself, don't carry it yourself, you can let his parents come forward to talk, if there is an effect, of course it is better, and then there is no effect, and then you let his account and finances be transparent to you.
If you can't do this, you let him accept the formal psychology, for example, **'s money is controlled within a range, give him 200,000 yuan a year and the like, of course, this requires him not to touch online loans and the like. Human behavior is the most difficult to control.
If you want to keep this thing under your control, you need him to be financially transparent with you. If he can do that, you won't get a divorce.
I think it's like an addiction, some people have an addiction to gambling and a mentality, they just want to winWhat he said, I don't want your life to be better, is just an excuseAfter so many years, do you see that he has made your life better, that is, a gambling addiction, constantly putting himself in.
If he can honestly admit that it's an addiction, that's the beginning of improvement, and if he always has a mentality that I don't want to make more money, then he thinks he's always right. And the reason why he dared to do this is because he knows that there are you and his parents in the pocketWhen he knows that he will be left to his own demise without you and his parents, he will also think about the consequences.
Human addiction also requires a sense of security to achieve. Just like many men who are addicted to **, he knows that his bottom line is that the marriage will not be dissolved, and his wife will not divorce because of this, so the addiction can be released all the time, and if he knows that this will cost a lot, he will also quit.
About author:360-degree view of psychology, psychological supervisor, counselor, psychology lecturer, gender relationship research scholar, emotional writer, deeply engaged in the field of psychology for more than 20 years, focusing on the improvement of women's wisdom, gender cognitive cultivation and intimate relationship building, to improve the modern man and woman's sense of belief and cooperation in love and marriage for the concept, based on improving the quality of marriage between Chinese men and women, is committed to making China's marriage and family relationship more stable, so that the modern society can be more healthy and long-term development.