Confessions of a middle aged mother When I learned to act , my son s rebellion was cured

A child's growth is a parent's practice.

And this practice is destined to be a comprehensive psychological and physical test for parents!I used to be a free and open-minded person, but when I faced my son, I fell into hysteria, anxiety and insomnia.

Every time I think back to those days, I always have a mixed emotional ...... of fear and happiness

The aggrieved son has nothing to say, and fights everything with silence

My son is 14 years old this year and is in his second year of junior high school, and in this midterm test, he entered the top 10 of his class, but you must not have imagined that when he first entered junior high school last year, he was a serious scumbag!Since he was a child, his son has been sunny and lively, and he is a very warm man. I never had to worry about studying. But as soon as I went to junior high school, the style of painting changed abruptly!With the increase in subjects,He began to complain about the pressure of studying, too much homework, and the tiring learning of English, and the need to memorize a lot of words.

At first, I didn't think about it, after all, I just started learning English, so I told him not to be afraid of difficulties and spend more time memorizing words. Daddy isSevere criticism："If you feel hard to study, then go out and move bricks!"Since then, I haven't listened to my child's complaints, I thought he had adapted, but as soon as the results of the mid-term exams came out, I realized that something was wrong!The other subjects are okay, but the total score of 150 points in English is only 79 points!The English teacher even came to me alone:"The dictation of the words was not good, the homework was extremely sloppy, and most importantly, there were several ......times when I went straight to sleep in class"Hearing the teacher's series of accusations, I felt like my lungs were going to explode!I kept saying that I was tired, but I was sleeping in class. When this negative emotion took over my brain, I started to get angry. That night, my dad and I decided we wanted to give it to him"Attend classes"！

Dad is the absolute authority, the son has been afraid of his father since he was a child, and as soon as the son arrived home that day, his father called him to him, with a black face:"Do you still want to learn?I actually slept in class, didn't I have a long ability?"The son whispered back:"I don't understand. "As soon as the words fell, Dad's tone became 8 points stronger"You mean you can understand it when you sleep!I don't work hard, and I still make so many excuses to ......"Seeing his father's menacing attitude, the son lowered his head and blushed, but he didn't say a word. In the end, my dad and I unanimously decided to enroll in an English cram school, and in addition to that, I had to memorize words every day. Unexpectedly, in the final test, except for a small improvement in English, all other subjects declined, and the total score fell from the previous 18th to 33rd!My mentality collapsed, and there is no doubt that Dad was another scolding with a scolding on my head and face:"I spent money to register you for classes, demolished the east wall to make up the west wall, and simply went out to work, I see that you are not a piece of study material!"He suddenly became very excited, clenched his fists and shouted"If you don't read it, you won't read it, I'm a waste, you're satisfied!"Then he locked himself in the room with a bang. From that day on, he was always cold and didn't talk to us, except for eating, he stayed in his room almost all the time. Watching the child's grades drop, the relationship is so stiff. I was so anxious that I couldn't sleep, and after two years, my child couldn't go to school, and his whole life was ruined!I suddenly realized that I couldn't let it develop, I had to find a way to solve it!

Desperate, a sudden turnaround

From that day on, I bought a lot of books about adolescent rebellion, knowing that it was my educational methods that were problematic. It was difficult to do, but I decided to give it a try

After analyzing the actual situation with my father, my father and I were like an enlightenment!The book says:

"Children who are often criticized and hit do not become stronger, but have a cowardly personality and lack self-confidence. And children are often biased because of lack of confidence in the subject, and the criticism at this time is almost fatal!"

In many cases, poor academic performance and laziness are superficial factors, but the root of the problem is"Mindset issues"。

I feel that a certain subject is particularly difficult, and I can't learn it. I feel that the teacher is boring and I am tired of studying. ......In fact, these are the imaginary enemies in the child's heart, and it is these imaginary enemies that make the child afraid to pay. Simply blaming laziness in behavior will make them hate the subject more and more, and eventually lose their confidence in learning!Hearing this, we are really remorseful, once his complaint, how can it not be a kind of request for help from him?So what to do?The book says:

"If you want to build your child's confidence in the subject, you need to be able to'Acting', with'Level 2 feedback'ways to make your child think he is good!"

Later, my dad and I rehearsed how to use Level 2 feedback, and made a 3,000-word specific plan for the child's questions, down to how to say each sentence. The whole process is divided into 3 steps:

1.In-depth communication, open up knots, and rebuild trust with children.

2., with"Level 2 feedback"Rebuild your child's confidence.

3.Educate children with respect and guidance.

Rebuild confidence and break through the encirclement

That night, at my repeated invitations, my son finally sat down with us. The child's father spoke:"Son!Dad usually has a bad temper, always criticizes you and accuses you, this is my fault!"I could clearly see a flash of surprise in the child's eyes, but he kept his head down and said nothing. I hastened to say:"In the past, we were too worried about your studies and ignored your thoughtsBlindly think that if you don't learn well, it's because you don't care……"Under our guidance, the child gradually softened and began to pour bitter water, talking about us, being strict, and so on. We didn't interrupt him, and even nodded in agreement, allowing him to vent his frustration. 【If the child is willing to speak his heart, it means that the child is beginning to accept us, and do not refute it at this time

And the son's bitter water is like pouring out all the negative energy in his body. Something unexpected happened, and my son actually began to reflect:"In fact, I didn't do it right, every time you criticized me, I was very angry, and I didn't dare to contradict you, so I deliberately didn't study, I wanted to make you angry and regretful!But I know it's my own ...... that does it"Hearing the child's heartfelt words, we are happy and blame ourselves. Dad was even a little excited:"Son, I am very pleased with what you said just now, I used to underestimate you, and you have been able to distinguish between right and wrong. Mom and Dad promise that we will stop pointing fingers in everything in the future, fully respect your opinions, and at the same time, we also want you to be responsible for your own future!"The son nodded in agreement. That night, we talked until the wee hours of the morning, the first long conversation in my memory, and his father and I were surprised to find that our son was also full of hope for his futureEarly the next morning, my son got up and locked himself in his room after breakfast. To be honest, I really wanted to go into the room and tell him to spend some time studying. But I endured and endured, constantly reminding myself to believe in him!Not long after, he actually came out and asked me to dictate words for him!But it turned out to be a lot wrong, and he was a little discouraged. I hurry up and use it"Level 2 feedback"Acting:"Today's speed of memorizing words has improved a lot compared to before, I remember the last time you memorized for 2 hours, and the result was only more than 20 correct, there is an improvement!"

The son regained his confidence and hurriedly continued to remember. I'm happy to see him working hard, but I'm more worried about him just"3 minutes of heat"。In the second week, the child came back from class and the father started again"Acting"："Today, the English teacher called me and told me that you have made significant progress in your vocabulary recently, and your learning attitude has also changed a lot. She thinks that if she continues, it shouldn't take a semester, and her grades will definitely improve greatly!"The son was skeptical, but when the serious father said this, he couldn't hide his excitement:"Is it?Today, the teacher also praised me in class because I got all the words and dictation right today. "I made an excited face and gave him a big thumbs up![The child would rather choose to believe - he doesn't say it on his lips, but he expects it to happen in his heart, which is also inspiring himself!]】In fact, the fact is that on the first day, I called the teacher **, hoping that the teacher could encourage him more in school. Since then, my son has fallen in love with memorizing words, and he memorizes them every day after waking up and before going to bed. Not only that, but he also summarized some effective ways to memorize words. Sometimes, learning is all the wayIn fact, it is impossible to completely improve English just by memorizing words, but the magic is thatWhen he found it easy to memorize words, learning English became easy as well!My son's English scores continue to break through, from more than 70 points to more than 120 points!At the same time, other subjects have steadily improved, and they have even entered the top 10 in the class in the mid-term test results of the second year of junior high school!

I know that my son is gathered in his heart"Confidence"With this kind of energy, nothing will be able to stop him in the future!And I also learned how to be a qualified mother!

It is a child's luck to have a parent who is willing to learn

Looking back on that torturous time, my biggest feeling is to be gladI'm glad I found the right way to save my son!At the same time, I would like to advise parents from the bottom of my heart:

When encountering educational problems, first of all, start from yourself and seek solutions, which is 100 times stronger than forcing children to learn!