In the midst of the distractions of life, children's emotional management is often regarded as a difficult problem in family education.
For example, a young boy who is usually energetic and chattering comes home from school one day and is overwhelmed by a defeat in a ball game. Parents, what is the usual first reaction in the face of such a scene? Do you comfort them right away, or do you let your child calm down on their own?
In other words, how to use appropriate words to help children understand and control their emotions when they are out of control?
Returning to our story, the little boy sits on the couch with disappointment in his eyes. Parents may say, "Don't be sad, just try harder next time." But can such words really touch a child's heart?
Li Meijin mentioned in her book that the key is not what you say, but how you say it. She emphasized the importance of empathy for parents when dealing with their children's emotions. In a different way, parents can say, "I can see that you're sad, and it must be uncomfortable to lose." ”
This way of expression can make children feel understood and accepted, thus relieving their emotions.
The logic is simple, but it's also profound.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said that true understanding and acceptance are the best manifestations of love. When we communicate with children in an empathetic way, we are actually teaching them how to recognize and express their emotions.
For example, when a child cries because he or she can't get a toy, parents may ask, "Why do you want this toy so much?" This kind of inquiry not only gives children the opportunity to express their needs, but also teaches them how to withdraw from emotional fluctuations and turn to rational thinking.
And when dealing with your child's negative emotions, there is another key point to pay attention to: give your child enough space and time.
When a child is emotionally out of control, parents often rush to solve the problem and ignore the time when the child needs to self-regulate. Li Xue mentioned in "Limited Responsibility Family" that parents should learn to take a step back in time and give their children a space for "self-comfort". For example, when your child is angry, you could ask him, "Do you need a moment to be quiet?" ”
Such questions not only respect children's emotions, but also encourage their ability to deal with emotions independently.
Finally, when a child is scared or upset, the transmission of parental support and a sense of security is crucial.
For example, when a child is afraid to sleep alone, parents can gently say, "Don't be afraid, I'm here." This kind of companionship and assurance can help children build a sense of inner security, which in turn stimulates their courage to face difficulties and challenges.
Through these specific examples, we can see that children's emotional management is not only a skill, but also an emotional communication and a touch of the heart.
Every word and action of parents has the potential to become a catalyst for children's emotional growth. As Kishimi Ichiro said, building a good relationship with your child is a prerequisite for effective education.
When a child is emotionally out of control, the words and actions of parents are especially crucial.
It can be seen that sailing in the sea of children's emotions, we need not only a ticket of love, but also a compass of wisdom.
This is the key when we face our children's emotional out-of-control.
First, we need to recognize that a child's emotional outbursts are not untraceable. Behind every "little devil" is an angel who longs to be understood and supported.
When a child has an emotional breakdown, the first sentence "Mom (Dad) understands you" is particularly important. It's not just a word, it's a bridge of communication that makes children feel loved and supported. When Xiao Jun loses his temper because he doesn't have time to build Lego, the parents' empathy is not conniving, but an emotional companionship, so that the child feels that his emotions are accepted, which plays a key role in the regulation of their emotions.
Let's look at the second sentence: "Can you tell mom (dad) what you want?" ”
It's actually a process that leads children to self-exploration and expression. Just like a child in a mall, when they cry because they want a new toy, this word from parents can help them sort out their thoughts and needs.
This is not only a guide to the child's behavior, but also a kind of respect and understanding of his inner world. In this process, children shift from emotional venting to rational thinking, and this transformation is crucial to the management of their emotions.
The third sentence, "Do you want to be by yourself for a while?" "It's a respect for the child's independent space.
Sometimes, what children need is not an immediate solution, but a period of solitude to understand and digest their emotions. Just like Xiaoxing's emotions after losing a basketball game, the excessive comfort of his parents only made him more irritable. At this time, giving children the space to be independent and let them handle their emotions on their own is actually developing their ability to deal with problems independently.
Finally, the fourth sentence: "Don't be afraid, there is a father (or mother)." The power of this sentence is enormous. It not only gives children a sense of security, but also helps them build the courage to face difficulties and fears. Just like when Kobayashi is reluctant to sleep alone, the presence and reassurance of his parents gives him the necessary sense of security, which is essential for children to overcome their fears and develop independence.
Behind these four sentences is the deep understanding and support of parents for their children.
This is not only a guide to children's emotions, but also a practice of emotional education. In this process, children learn to recognize and express their emotions and learn to face difficulties and challenges.
And these are an indispensable part of their growth.
When dealing with children's emotional problems, we need to understand and cope on a deeper level, rather than just superficial comfort and guidance.
We need to recognise that emotional education is not just about how to soothe children, but about how to teach them to recognize, express and manage their emotions.
First of all, it is not for nothing that a child's emotions are out of control.
They may be a child's reaction to the environment, or they may be trying to express feelings that they are not yet able to put into words. Therefore, when a child is emotionally out of control, the first task of parents is not to stop their behavior immediately, but to try to understand the reasons behind it.
This requires us to go deep into the child's inner world and listen patiently to their thoughts and feelings.
Through such communication, children can not only feel understood and accepted, but also gradually learn to express their emotions in a more mature way.
Second, effective emotional education also includes teaching children how to self-regulate.
It's not a one-time process, but it takes time and practice. Parents can guide their children to take deep breaths, engage in relaxation activities, or guide them to express their emotions by drawing or writing in a journal. All of these methods can help your child learn how to find peace when emotions are high.
In addition, the management of parents' own emotions is also crucial.
Children often imitate the behavior of adults, so the way parents deal with their emotions is an example for children to learn. Children are also more likely to learn to do so if parents are able to handle their emotions in a calm and rational way.
In addition, it is equally important to create a stable and supportive environment for your child.
Children grow up in a loving and secure environment, and their ability to deal with emotions will be stronger. This means that, in addition to helping in times of emotional outbursts, stable care and support in daily life are also essential.
Finally, it's important to recognize that every child deals with emotions differently. Therefore, parents need to take different approaches to help their children according to their personality and needs. It may take a lot of time and effort from the parents, but it's all worth it for the sake of the child's healthy development.
In conclusion, in the face of a child's emotional out-of-control moment, parents' words and actions are crucial.
What we need to do is not simple correction or guidance, but deep understanding, acceptance and communication. Through such interactions, children not only learn how to deal with their emotions, but also feel unconditional love and support from their parents.
This kind of education is not only a soothing for children's emotional world, but also an important impact on the formation of their personality.