**There is a character in the hit TV series "If It's My Life That Runs" that makes a deep impression and has some questions to think about. She is Ruohua's mother Zhao Xiuli. There are also Anxin's mother Zhao Xiufang in the play, as well as Lu Feng's mother, Zhou Kaize's mother, Li Zhong's mother and other mothers, all of whom have distinct personalities and have their own characteristics. But Zhao Xiuli is the most, she is a mother with a strong desire to control. 
Zhao Xiuli has a son and a daughter. daughter Ruohua, son Ruoxuan. Zhao Xiuli has everything for her children, but she is patriarchal. When her son was alive, she used almost all of her so-called love on her son Ruoxuan. Her controlling love overwhelmed her son, so much so that he had thoughts of misanthropy and suicide. To satisfy her vanity, her son made up a fake transcript for her. But she believed it and showed it off everywhere. In order to escape her, the son followed his cousin to his aunt's house. In a car accident on the road, he and his cousin, one was killed and the other was disabled. Without a son, she gave all the so-called love for her son to her daughter Ruohua. She used her kind of love to tie Ruohua to death, and didn't give her daughter a little freedom. Her eyes are like surveillance, monitoring her daughter's every move. She stalks and secretly investigates her daughter's boyfriend, causing a misunderstanding that puts her daughter in embarrassment and embarrassment. As the daughter of a top student, she could have stayed in Beijing to develop with a high level of professionalism. But under her strong persecution, he had to return to his original place with her. After she went back, she forced her daughter to go on blind dates everywhere. In order to get rid of her, her daughter was almost deceived into marrying a scumbag. Fortunately, in the end, Zhao Xiuli woke up after seeing the ** left by her son and understood that her so-called love is a kind of ** love. This so-called love is under the sign of "I'm all for your good", but it is actually to put the child with his own vanity and interests without respecting the child. This kind of love not only makes children not feel warm, but also makes them miserable, suffocated, and even has thoughts of escaping or committing suicide. Because she realized that her so-called love was a kind of harm to the child, depriving the child of freedom and autonomy, restricting the progress and development of the child, and alienating the mother-child relationship between her and the child. That's why with the help of her friends, she wore a wedding dress and pretended to be her daughter to get into the wedding car and save her daughter from the fire. This can be regarded as her real love for her daughter Ruohua, and it is also the return of true selfless maternal love in her. Contrary to Zhao Xiuli, her sister Zhao Xiufang's love for her daughter Cheng Anxin is much more real, patient, rational and gentle. In order to motivate her daughter, who lost her legs, to stand up, she insisted on exercising, running, and gym training, and she lost more than 80 pounds of weight from 200 pounds. Tell her daughter that as long as she persists, she can make the impossible possible. She always patiently counseled her daughter psychologically, helped her relieve her troubles, built up confidence, helped him contact coaches, raised funds for treatment, and installed prostheses. In order to protect his daughter's interests from being violated and to fight for her daughter's livelihood security for the rest of her life, he fought with his son-in-law and in-laws. After her daughter's divorce, she helped her find new friends. In all this, he did everything he could, without considering his own interests at all. Her love is sometimes inappropriate, but she knows how to make concessions, knows how to improve, knows how to respect children, and leaves room for children. Therefore, she and her daughter Cheng An'an are affectionate, tolerant and understanding, harmonious and happy. 
It's the same as being a mother. One succeeds, one fails; One and his daughter are heart-to-heart, and the other is incompatible with his daughter; One is happy, the other is unhappy. Why? This is something we should all think about seriously. I think the key is whether there is respect and trust for children, and whether they can understand and tolerate each other. You can't have a desire to control your children, and you can put love with your own face. It is necessary to know how to leave room for children, let go and fly in a timely manner, so that children can exercise and grow in practical life. In the process of their growth, they should be good at guiding, rather than rigidly pushing, and truly understand all aspects of the child. And you can't blindly shape, according to your own ideas, design a path that does not meet the actual conditions of the child, and force the child to take the road he is not willing to take. Another point, Zhao Xiufang has done a good job as a mother, that is, she must know that words and teachings are not as good as examples, and she must set an example and demonstration for her children. From the plot in the play, it can be perceived that her determination and success, as well as the hard work and efforts she has paid for it, are obvious and irreplaceable for Cheng Anxin to be able to stand up, walk, and dance later. Therefore, when a mother wants to learn from Zhao Xiufang, she can't always control and restrict her children like Zhao Xiuli, without respecting her children and not considering her children's feelings.
About the Author: Qiuyue Hanjiang, formerly known as Wang Huawen, a native of Chengcheng, Shaanxi, has been engaged in school management for many years, and has long insisted on amateur writing. 
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Huashan LiteratureCool Breeze to White Frost FallOrganizer: Weinan Federation of Literary and Art Circles.
Editor-in-chief: Zhao Fenrong.
Editor of this issue: Yu Ruihuan.
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