Why is it an obligation for grandma to bring the baby, but grandma has to charge?
Some time ago, I saw an expert say: the average life expectancy of women is 90 years old, so the retirement age for women should be postponed to 60 years old. Seeing this, I suddenly realized what netizens said:"Now, the advice of the experts only needs to be reversed. "In fact, that's it, every time I go for a walk in the community, it's basically the elderly who help take care of the children.
Nowadays, helping the elderly with children is becoming an option for more and more families. The same is true of Lili's family: since the second child, the mother-in-law has been helping them take care of the child. However, during the Chinese New Year, my father-in-law accidentally broke his leg.
Without the help of the elderly, Lili's family looks very messy, Erbao is only more than ten months old, and the eldest has not yet gone to school, so he is completely inseparable from people. Lili's husband and wife take turns taking leave to take care of the children at home, but this is not a long-term solution, Lili said, "If this continues, my husband and I may not be able to keep our jobs."
Lili's husband offered to let the child's grandmother help take care of the child, and Lili said that her mother could help take care of the child, but she had to give her 3,000 yuan of pocket money every month. Lili's husband was reluctant to hear this. "He asked"Why is my mom obligated to take care of the child, while the child's grandma is obligated to pay?
Lili doesn't like that:"How can it be the same? Although my mom is retired, she is still working and has an extra income every month to support the family. Now that she has come so far to help, she is not familiar with life, and if we don't give her some money, my sister-in-law will not be able to say it. What's more, the child will take your family name, and he will have to go to your house for the holidays in the future. What's more, when your mother is old and sick, she has to rely on us to take care of her, and my mother has to rely on my brother and sister-in-law when she is sick.
Lili's words are not unreasonable, in fact, in traditional Chinese culture, there is still a difference between a grandson and a great-grandson. Grandparents take care of their grandchildren as a continuation of the family and are sometimes considered an obligation and responsibility, while grandmothers take care of their grandchildren mostly as helpers.
There is an old man in the family, if there is a treasure"In today's society, for young people, whether it is a grandmother or a grandfather to help, it is a kind of luck, after all, this is one of the basic guarantees that many working parents can work at will. However, while bringing convenience, there will also be some intergenerational contradictions between parents, so what should we pay attention to when there are elderly people who help bring this family around?
The old man's job is to take care of the children, it is not his job.
As a mother of two, I used to ask myself if I would like to raise their children when I was old. Don't say it, my first reaction was a hundred unwilling. I've taken care of my own children and don't know how tired I am. Anyone who has ever taken a child doesn't know how tired it is!
Old, too old to be any older, plus the age and energy at that time, it's scary to think about it! "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you"。Nowadays, many elderly people come to help their children take care of their children, not so much out of their own responsibilities and obligations, but out of a kind of family affection.
Therefore, in order to do a good job in intergenerational upbringing, we must first correct our mentality, realize that it is not easy to intergenerational upbringing, find problems, communicate more, and blame less, which will naturally reduce family conflicts!
Lead by example and allow yourself to have the greatest impact on your child.
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the problem of intergenerational parenting are sometimes like an old knot that cannot be cured. We see a lot of problems with intergenerational parenting: pampered children, lack of rules, bad behavior...
But is it the problem of the elderly behind these problems? Why children can only learn from the elderly"Bad"and not learn from you"Okay"？Shouldn't we reflect?
It was with the help of the old man that he did it"Shake off the shopkeeper", usually busy at work, addicted to mobile phones at home. There is little or no time to spend with the child"False"The child is not close to you at all, let alone listening to you.
John Bobby, the founder of attachment theory, believes that a person's attachment to their parents may be strongest during childhood.
However, if the child is completely handed over to the elders, the children will transfer this attachment to the elders, and will naturally be closer to the elders and more willing"Listen"Words from elders.
Parents are the first teachers of their children, and they are also the most influential people on the road of children's growth, no matter how busy they are, they must also find a fixed time, put down their mobile phones to work, accompany their children wholeheartedly, and influence their children with their own concepts!
Disagreements between parents and how to reduce conflict through communication.
No matter how harmonious the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and mother-daughter is, there will always be some contradictions in the process of raising children. So, how do we communicate with the elderly when they encounter these problems? First of all, we must adhere to one principle: turn a blind eye to small problems, and never tolerate big problems. The second is to pay attention to the form of communication.
If it's a mother-in-law, let your husband say it, after all, people are for their sons, and the old man is more willing to listen, and he is less likely to get angry.
Second, have a good attitude and don't come with accusations. Appreciate the old man a little more, and talk about your own mistakes when appropriate.
What's more, we can"Consult a professional"For example, if the child has a feeding problem, you can relay the doctor's words to the elderly. Or show the elderly some authoritative and professional parenting knowledge, and subtly influence the concept of the elderly.
Write at the end. Whether it's the help of the elderly or raising the children themselves, our children can only be better, not perfect. You must know that a happy and harmonious family environment is the best parenting plan for children to grow up, and it is also the guarantee for children's healthy growth!
web images, infringement, contact, removal).