According to the World Health Organization, depression is one of the leading causes of illness and disability in adolescents.
In China, the prevalence of depressive symptoms in 9 to 18-year-old adolescents is 14Around 81%.
Some people even said: "Childhood depression has become a disease of the times." ”
Many parents don't understand:
How can a child we raise with our hearts and lungs be depressed? ”
What does my child want, and why is he just unhappy? ”
We interviewed 3 children who have suffered from depression and you may find the answer you want from their stories:
From small to large
I'm living for the certificate
Growing up, my parents were my supervisors, correcting my every word and deed all the time.
They have a lot of expectations and plans for me, and their favorite quote is: "You have to be obedient, study hard, get 100 points, evaluate the three good students, and get into a prestigious school." ”
Everything that has nothing to do with it is going to be cut off.
For a while, I fell in love with reading comics, and my parents wouldn't let me read them, so I hid in my room and secretly read them.
One day, when I was fascinated by it, my mother suddenly pushed the door in and tore the comic book in my hand to shreds, and she was furious and yelled at me, "You stand up for me." ”
I was so frightened that I trembled, crying and agreed: "Mom, I will study hard in the future, I will be obedient, please don't be angry." ”
My parents often said to me, "The stupid bird flies first, and diligence can make up for it." "It's your weakness. It's okay if you're not smart, work harder. "So, I always felt stupid.
They are happiest when I get the certificate, as if I live for it.
However, they also add: "Don't be proud." ”
Finally, in 2017, I graduated from a well-known double-first-class medical school in China and entered a famous hospital in China.
My parents were so happy, in their eyes: my future is colorful, and I have finally become what they want.
I thought I would be happy too, finally financially free, and finally able to be myself.
But I was very panicked, I couldn't breathe when I thought about the future, I wanted to run away, I was powerless to do anything, and I couldn't say ** uncomfortable.
During the day, I was able to push on my work, but at night, I was on the verge of collapse. Later, soaked in tobacco and alcohol all night, out of control and decadent.
I also fell in love with a man who was full of lies and cheated money everywhere.
Behind the failed love and out-of-control life, only I know the sadness and tears brought by ** life. Those nights of insomnia and nightmares, only my phone stayed with me until dawn.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Don't I already have a job and life that others envy?
What the hell am I doing?
Many times, I lay in bed for a day or two without eating or drinking, motionless like a vegetative person, just to figure out what the meaning of my life really was.
It's easy to think about dying, with your eyes closed, your body stops working, maybe just a few minutes, and then, when you leave, the earth turns the same way.
One day, I couldn't get up from bed, I felt like I was going to be finished, so I didn't want to go to the hospital to delay the patient.
So, with tears streaming down my eyes and trembling hands, I sent my resignation to the leader.
The leader gave me a long vacation.
I looked around for help, and then I met a professional counselor, and I mustered up the courage to ask her, "What the hell is wrong with me?" ”
The teacher lovingly said, "Son, because you have never lived a day as you wished. ”
My heart seemed to be struck by love, and light came in.
After the teacher helped me sort out my life.
I have seen myself held tightly by the high standards and exacting requirements of my parents and teachers for 27 years.
Like a marionette, my every move is controlled by someone else.
From childhood to adulthood, what clothes to wear, what food to eat, what major to study, what work to do, nothing was decided by me.
No one had ever heard of what I wanted, and no one had ever asked me what I was afraid of.
Like, I'm a person without a heart.
How many times have I wanted to deviate from the norm and stop following the rules; I want to run and play like crazy, and stop reading hard; I want to scold and stop being gentle......
But I didn't dare, I was afraid of the disappointment and anger of my parents, I was afraid of the eyes of others, I was afraid that I would become "bad".
I was unwilling, I wanted to live my life too much, the two tore each other, and I began to use indulgence to escape.
When I let go of self-confrontation and consumption, inhale the power into my body under the guidance of the teacher, drive away the darkness, and close my eyes, I see the embodiment of wisdom, which is what I look like!
At the end of the moment, I felt the relaxation of my body, and I realized that deep down, I just wanted to find my long-lost self.
I slashed my palm
Only when the blood comes out can you feel better.
My parents never had a very good relationship, they often quarreled, and they never avoided me.
When I was in sixth grade, in the middle of the night, they quarreled again. Dad burst into my room, grabbed me from my sleep, and shouted, "Look at your mother's face, it's a psychopath!" ”
I woke up in my sleep, too scared to say a word.
My mother told me every day that my father was bad, and the conclusion was always: "Look at how much my father has endured in order to make you suffer less, for the sake of this family." It seems that my mother is so miserable, it's all my fault.
When my father was angry, he would find fault with me and scold me, and many nasty things would be said to me, as if I were his enemy.
The older I get, the more I hate them.
One day at the end of 2019, while the family was having dinner, Dad made a speech about masculinity.
The words were full of prejudice against women, and I could hear my brain buzzing, and I couldn't bear it anymore, so I slapped the table and stood up to retort, calling him "".
Dad was furious and shouted, "How dare you swear at me!" ”
I shouted at him, "That's what happened!" Then he ran to his room, and my father chased after me, kicked the door open, and slapped me hard.
With a slap down, my head was sullen, and when I touched my face, my face was full of tears, and my heart was like a fire burning, "I don't want to live anymore!" "I ran to the roof and wanted to jump off the building.
My mother was frightened and ran to the roof to accompany me, holding me all the time, and we cried together all afternoon.
The conflict between me and my father was completely intensified.
When I was in the third year of junior high school, my grades were not satisfactory, and my father began to scold me again, "With such a little score in the exam, no one will give me food, what's the use, ...... eat for nothing."”
I slammed the bowl on the floor, ran to the bedroom, unscrewed the mineral water bottle, and poured all the water over my head, and I didn't think I was going to ** right away.
Often, my heart is overwhelmed.
Sometimes, I would cut my palm with a knife and watch the blood flow out, and the pain in my body made me feel like I was still alive.
My mother found out about my wound and was terrified, so she took me to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist asked me what I wanted?
I want my parents to get a divorce soon. I said.
At that time, my mother started crying, and she said that she didn't understand why life was like this, even though she was a family.
In order to make our lives better, my mother decided to ask for help from a professional psychological counselor.
The psychology teacher pointed out the root of the problem with a sharp point:"Children's problems are family problems, and the most fundamental reason is that the relationship between parents is not good. ”
The teacher said, "It's clear that the parents are sick, but they want the child to take medicine!" ”
It turns out that none of this is my fault.
Mom studied for a while and began to adjust the way she got along with Dad.
She no longer quarrels with her father, and she doesn't speak ill of her father anymore. Sometimes Dad couldn't control his emotions and started yelling again, and Mom either responded calmly or took me away from the scene and came home after the emotions calmed down.
Once, my mother took the initiative to talk about the past and sincerely apologized to me.
At that time, I was stupid, and then I cried loudly, and the grievances in my heart couldn't be stopped, and I flowed out in an uproar.
Mom changed, dad changed, yelled less often, and would clumsily try to talk to me.
One night in March this year, my dad yelled at home again because of work, yelling at mom and then at me.
I started to get impatient and started shouting at him, "Why are you so loud? Then he slammed the door and went back to his room.
Then, I sent a message to my mom: "Don't call me anyone, I don't want to be anyone's punching bag." ”
Mom quickly replied to the message: "It's not your fault, I know you're uncomfortable at the moment......"Didn't reason with me, didn't defend my dad.
My mother's calmness also affected me, I slowly calmed down, looking at my dad outside, I suddenly felt that he was not so strong, and there were a lot of troubles and anxieties......
Mom said, "It's called understanding."
The mind of a "problem girl".
No one has ever cared
In the sixth grade of elementary school, my teacher treated me as a "problem girl".
I don't understand: I don't beat people, I don't scold people, I just don't obey, I have a lot of ideas, is this a problem girl?
When I was in second grade, I started boarding school. When I was in fifth grade, I was able to take the subway from home to school by myself.
Maybe it's because I've been relatively independent since I was a child, so I'm particularly resistant.
For example, when we were in junior high school, our teachers didn't allow us to eat lollipops at school. Specific lollipops.
Once, I was caught by the teacher and a few classmates stealing food, and the teacher told me to call my parents.
I was very angry, standing at the school gate, outside one foot door, inside the other foot door, peeling off a lollipop and putting it in my mouth, shouting: "I'll eat it, I'll be angry with you." ”
The teachers didn't like me, but my classmates liked me very much.
Once, I was punished by the teacher for standing, and as soon as I stood up, seven or eight classmates stood up in a big way.
The teacher approached my parents over and over again, asking them to discipline me strictly and stop indulging my "not afraid of heaven and earth" personality.
Every time my mom wants to communicate with me, it's actually called communication, but it's really criticism.
They also wanted to take me to a psychiatrist, but I was determined not to go, because I was not sick, so they had a problem.
When I was in my third year of junior high school, my parents suddenly said that my mother was going to accompany me to study in the United States, and I was completely unprepared for being taken to a strange country and leaving my best friends.
It's hard for Asians to fit in, and in the U.S., no one cares about me, and I feel like people look down on me.
I was alone, and I couldn't understand what people were saying, let alone study.
In China, the teachers didn't like me, but my grades were good and I had friends; In the United States, I don't have anything.
My only sustenance is to stay in front of the computer and wait for my good friends in China to go online.
For half a month, I didn't go out and didn't see anyone, chatting with domestic classmates and watching anime all night.
One day, my mother saw that I was surfing the Internet again, and after persuasion failed, she cut off the network cable in a fit of rage.
I broke down, as if my heart had been gouged out, and hysterically tore up all the books in the house, smashed them around, and collapsed on the ground crying.
After that, I locked myself in my room completely and stopped communicating with anyone, online or offline, and then I couldn't get up at all, I often felt out of breath, I couldn't sleep all night, and I felt like the world never had a light again.
I was depressed.
My state frightened my mom and she started learning about emotional management and self-care. Slowly, she changed, she stopped asking for me, forcing me.
Sometimes, she couldn't help but scold me, and she would apologize very sincerely: "I'm sorry, I didn't respect you just now, and I disciplined you again." ”
When I'm sad, she asks me, "Do you need Mommy to go out for a walk with you?" "We walked together, went to the malls and parks. Mom doesn't talk about school anymore, she just accompanies me.
Two years later, when I was 18 years old, my mother said to me, "You've grown up, you have to learn to support yourself." ”
I also have this plan, and I have always longed for an independent and free life.
I got a job as a waiter in a fast food restaurant, it was very hard, but I was not afraid of hardship, I felt that it was too good to support myself, and after half a year, the store manager began to let me do management work.
In the process of working, I found that I was very interested in management, so I applied for the university franchise management and management major, although I missed a lot of homework a few years ago, I was never afraid of hardships and ......
Conclusion:
Do you want your child to work hard for what you see as success, or do you want your child to show his original qualities and talents?
It's an eagle that lets them fly into the sky, and a rose that makes them bloom and become the best version of themselves.
Each life has a unique texture and a journey that belongs to it.
As parents, we need to fully embrace what our child has and let them be the best version of themselves, and we appreciate them no matter what season they are open.