In real life, I found a very ironic thing: in the emotional world, those who dare to take the initiative to ask for needs often live better than those who can meet the needs of others.
The emotional market is a market full of poor information and highly opaque, maybe you live in 1401 on the 14th floor, and the other half who matches you perfectly in all aspects lives in 1603 on the 16th floor, but the only intersection in your life is when you take the elevator upstairs that day, he sees you carrying something and asks, "How many floors?" And then you never see each other again in your lives.
And in this environment, the "good men" and "good women" who are traditionally recognized are often the ones who suffer the most:Because they are very good at meeting the needs of others and meeting the expectations of society about their identity, they rarely take the initiative to fight for it, and their personal consciousness in a relationship is extremely weak.
A very heart-wrenching fact is that in the vast majority of our contexts, everything that is linked to good is often this kind of passive altruism, less ambitious, and relatively passive people.
In the vast majority of cases, the biggest characteristic of a good child is that he is well-behaved; The biggest advantage of a good employee is hard work; A good companion is most worthy of praise for its dedication and dedication.
You will find that people who make such evaluations of them rarely evaluate them on the basis of their autonomy and personal worth, often because of the strong altruistic attributes of these people, which give them a so-called "good" moral crown.
Therefore, in the traditional context, a good man is often honest and loyal, not good at words, but he can play the role of a good husband, silently support the family's economic burden, and work hard for a lifetime like an old ox; In the traditional context, a good woman is often introverted, gentle and virtuous, and sits behind the scenes with a virtuous attitude, managing the firewood, rice, oil and salt of the whole family.
Not to mention that these two kinds of people are difficult to meet together, to put it mildly:Even if they meet and know each other, unless there is really no suitable object around, otherwise there is a little more self-conscious and active person, and they will be taken away by these people in minutes.
Because of this type of person, what they always need is a sense of purpose :They need a goal, they need someone to tell them what to do, they need a guide, they need a relationship that clearly assigns them a role, and then they get a sense of accomplishment in the process of playing that role well.
To put it bluntly: when a good man meets a good woman, it is unlikely that there will be the kind of warm picture that we fantasize about, "what you want to eat, husband, whatever you do, I can do it", because often this so-called "good man" will become at a loss at this time.
What he needs is someone to sit on the couch and tell him, "Husband, I'm hungry, go cook me some noodles, don't have poached eggs, I want someone to eat fried eggs."
At this time, the so-called "good man" will feel a full sense of accomplishment while cooking noodles: you see, I am so good to my wife, she likes to eat my food, and every time she is hungry and does not order takeout, she has to ask me to cook noodles for her.
It's just an example, but I believe that people who have certain emotional and life experiences can get what I mean.
So in marriage, the so-called good man and good woman often don't get along together, but some other people who take the initiative to make demands on the other half and need the other half to meet their needs become their partners.
In an opaque market, no one tells you what your fair value actually is, what equivalent exchange they are willing to pay in order to get that fair value, and what you can ask of others.
In the traditional context, good people are often not so self-aware, and they will only follow those who can provide them with role guidance, a sense of mission, and allow them to play their role well.
Again, in the emotional world, those who dare to take the initiative to ask for their needs often do better than those who can meet the needs of others. Emotion