My surname is Zhang, and my wife originally had two daughters, one of whom died of illness, I was hit hard, I couldn't afford to get sick, and it took several years for my body to gradually recover.
Because I lost a child, I was more concerned about my eldest daughter, "I'm afraid of melting in my mouth, I'm afraid of falling off in the palm of my hand", after all, I only have this one child.
Later, when the child grew up and started a family, I was very reluctant, so I often went to see her and bought her things, for fear that she would not be able to take care of herself.
However, on Mother's Day, I didn't wait for my daughter's blessings and gifts until I saw my mother-in-law, and I realized that I had become a big joke.
At that time, my wife and I only wanted one child, so after giving birth to our eldest daughter, we discussed not having children, but at that time, my wife's family was still a bit patriarchal, and my mother-in-law also wanted me to have another boy.
Which family in our village doesn't have a male baby, there is a male baby in the family who can stand up to things, and when you go back, your daughter marries into someone else's family, and the children born are all other people's surnames, what should our family do? "My mother-in-law often persuaded me like this, but I didn't listen very comfortably in my heart.
I don't have much thought about whether it's a son or a daughter, and they are all children born by themselves, which child is good and which child is bad, it's all the same.
Sometimes while eating, my mother-in-law began to say again, "I gave birth to a daughter, and when I turned around, the child was old and lonely, and there was no one to help me, and I had a younger brother to help in the future." ”
"There are many male babies in the village, and no one bullies them, you see the widow Zhang next door, the orphan and widow, how difficult it is to live. ”
Although I know that my mother-in-law just said that, but I will inevitably listen to it if I talk too much, plus I have many brothers and sisters, and I can indeed shout to help each other in everything.
A son and a daughter also sound good, and when the child grows older, he will have a companion, and in the end I agreed.
Soon I was pregnant with my second child, but when I was pregnant, I accidentally encountered the flu and was hit, and I couldn't take medicine casually at that time.
Fortunately, my husband took good care of me, and my mother-in-law also attached great importance to this child, so I survived.
I could see that my mother-in-law and husband were disappointed, probably because I was not in good health when I had the flu, and the child was born very weak.
For a long time, I could only watch the child through the glass, and then the family could not afford to pay so much for hospitalization, so they said that they would take the child back to raise it.
The mother-in-law also said, "How did the children grow up in the past, they didn't have to eat or wear, they went to the hospital, and they still grew up and lived well." ”
"This hospital is cheating money, spending so much money on hospitalization a day, I look at the child and it's fine, go back and stew some soup for you, the milk is enough, the child will be naturally well." ”
I felt in my heart that if this was a boy, I guess my mother-in-law would like to live in the hospital with her, she would be a daughter, so she would not want to let the child be treated like this.
The child was born without being like her mother-in-law said, and it will get better and better later, but she has always been weak and sickly, and she gets sick at every turn.
Sometimes my eldest daughter will think that I am partial to my sister, but I can only say that my sister is young and in poor health, so she naturally has to let her sister be more careful.
After giving birth to two daughters, the mother-in-law can't say anything about having another one, what if it's another daughter? The burden on the family is even heavier.
And since giving birth to her little daughter, her mother-in-law has been looking for some trouble every now and then, maybe she is uncomfortable.
One morning I was not feeling well, so I didn't get up to cook, so I called my mother-in-law to help cook some noodles, but I didn't call me when the noodles were cooked, or I went to the kitchen by myself to find that it was cooked.
I vomited after eating two **, the noodles were half raw, and then I started to have diarrhea again, and my husband was not at home when he went to work, so I was hungry for a day.
When I came back in the evening, I wanted to tell my husband to bring me something to eat, but I heard my mother-in-law talking loudly. "This Xiao Zhang shouted at her to get up and eat and not eat, saying that she had no appetite and was uncomfortable, and she had to eat when she was sick, because she thought I didn't make it delicious, so she had to buy it outside, right? ”
I was sick and didn't have the strength to say anything, and I couldn't solve the idea of my mother-in-law wanting a grandson, so it was inevitable that she would get angry, so I asked my husband to heat up some leftovers for me to eat.
When the children were older and my husband had earned some money, I left the countryside with the children and went to the city on the grounds that it was better for them to study in the city.
At first, my mother-in-law didn't want us to go, and said something in her mouth, "What kind of books do girls read, what's the use of going to the city to learn well, isn't it someone else's." ”
Usually the husband doesn't speak, but that time the mother-in-law talked more and more, and began to say, "I think this second child is sick like this, it's better to give it to someone else to raise, and you have another child." ”
The husband stood up in a moment, "How can my own children be sent out?" The child's parents are alive, and it's not that they can't afford to raise it, I see that you are annoyed when you see the child every day, I take the child's wife to the city, and I don't bother your eyes. ”
But what I didn't expect was that the child came to the city and was a little uncomfortable, and I thought it would be good to rest as before, but the disease became more and more serious.
I couldn't sleep every night when I was worried, so I stayed by my child's side, but the child was gone, and I felt like the sky was falling.
I hugged my husband and cried, saying that the quilt that the child slept on still felt hot, and every day I woke up, I felt that she was still calling my mother in my ear.
During that time, I cried so much that I couldn't open my eyes and my gray hair grew back, and I was in my twenties at that time.
Since that tragedy, I have been more concerned about my eldest daughter, almost holding it in my mouth for fear of melting, holding it in the palm of my hand for fear of falling.
I look forward to her growing up smoothly and without any harm, I look forward to her smile, her growth, her happiness.
Every time I see my eldest daughter going out with a schoolbag, I always think that if my youngest daughter is still alive, it is estimated that she should be at the age when she should study.
Fortunately, my eldest daughter is healthy and growing up well, which can be regarded as a little comfort in my heart.
But sometimes my eldest daughter thinks I'm too annoying, and I just want to care more about her.
Every morning, I prepare her favorite breakfast, put away the mouthwash, squeeze the toothpaste, prepare the face wash, and wait for her to get up.
When she comes back from school, I will ask her about school and how she gets along with her classmates, and I know that I care about her a little too much, but I just can't let it go.
Mom, I'm leaving. The eldest daughter screamed coquettishly, carrying her schoolbag and preparing to go to school.
"Be careful, do you really want your mother to send it today? "When my daughter was in high school, she didn't let me send her to school, saying that my classmates and parents didn't send it, and I was afraid that she would be unhappy, so I had to stop sending it, but I was still very worried.
"No, my classmates all go to school on their own. The daughter pouted, her face not very happy.
Then be sure to see the car and pay attention to the road. ”
Got it, Mom, I'll take notice. The eldest daughter laughed and ran out with her bag on her back, and I closed the door when I saw that she was gone.
As the days passed, the child was older, and in the blink of an eye it was time to get married, and she was leaving me.
I couldn't help but feel lonely and empty, I often sat alone at home and missed her, I began to go to her house frequently, bringing her all kinds of delicious food, all kinds of clothes, all kinds of daily necessities.
I'm just afraid that she won't pay attention to her body, and I'm afraid that she won't have a good life.
Mom, you're bringing so much delicious food again! "Although my eldest daughter always greeted me with a smile, I knew that she didn't really want me to visit her so often, so every time I was not empty-handed, I always brought something she liked to eat, so that she would not be too resistant to me coming to see her often.
This is for you, eat more and pay attention to your body. "I'm always busy stuffing them with all sorts of things, even if they already have their own lives, their own families.
I found out on Mother's Day that I had actually become a joke.
My daughter always gave me a gift on Mother's Day before she got married, but in the first year she got married, when I waited for her gift as usual, I didn't wait for a ** when it got dark.
My heart was filled with loss and incomprehension, and I couldn't understand why she had forgotten this special day.
The next day, I couldn't help but go to my daughter's house again, but I happened to see the scene of the eldest daughter holding her mother's hand and shopping together on the street.
I always thought that my love for my eldest daughter was meticulous and irreplaceable.
But now I realize that I have ignored that she has a life of her own, a family of her own, and I think I am protecting her, but I don't know that I have become a burden in her life.
I decided to change myself and learn to respect my eldest daughter's choices and life, and I stopped bothering her and didn't worry about her anymore. I want to learn to let go, face the pain of the past, and enjoy my life.
I know that I will always be her mother, but I also have to learn to let her grow up independently and live her own life.