Photography丨Xie Shenggang.
Gentle upbringing (excerpt).
Edited by Yang Ying read丨Zhang Yiwen.
When a child makes a mistake for the first time, parents only need to tell him why he is wrong and what to do right. When instructing, maintaining a respectful attitude towards children can make children respect their parents' opinions, patient and detailed explanations can make children understand the causes and consequences of mistakes, and empathetic emotions will keep children from being shrouded in the shadow of mistakes.
If the child makes a similar mistake again, it may be that the child is not familiar with the correct method, or that the lesson is not deep enough. Parents should first analyze the reasons for their children's mistakes, and if it is the former, they should explain it clearly, explain the matter, and then give him a chance to do itIf the latter is the case, the child should be criticized appropriately.
What should be criticized
When children start or come into contact with new things, due to lack of understanding and preparation, their behavior is not very reasonable, even if there are deviations and mistakes, it is reasonable. This is when help, not criticism, is needed.
It is understandable that the first time you are wrong, the second time you are wrong, and you can't tolerate it if you are wrong again. It is reasonable to criticize at this time. There's a famous saying: "Attitude is everything." "The frequent occurrence of mistakes is more due to a problem of attitude.
So criticizing a child should be directed at the child's attitude, not at the thing itself. For example, after the child gets the unsatisfactory report card back, the parents do not calmly analyze the reasons with the child, but complain more about the grades themselves, and vent to the child in order to vent their dissatisfaction, and this blind criticism is not conducive to the child's acceptance and correction.
This needs to give a practical case to illustrate, there is a junior high school boy who loves to play online games and often skips class, which affects his schoolwork, and his parents are very anxious, so what should I do?
The first offender should be reasonable
Although this child's academic performance is okay, his self-control is relatively poor, and he does not foresee the consequences, so he wants to run out and play games when he can. When this happens, parents should be patient with the consequences of doing so, but also express trust and expectations for their children. It is important that the child understands what is wrong with such a practice!Don't get angry and beat and scold at every turn.
Again, it is necessary to make an agreement
Because the child couldn't help it, he secretly ran out to play a game. Parents should tell him harshly that this is not okay. In view of the fact that he has made such a mistake again, it is necessary to agree with the child on a plan and ask the child to guarantee what kind of punishment he will receive if he repeats it. Of course, this punishment should be a reasonable way that is acceptable to both parties.
Repeat offenses are punished
When the child makes another mistake, the parent has two options, one is to remain silent and let him understand that the parent already knows everything that happened, telling him that you reserve the right to take the punishment, but you are not going to implement it yet. Or, according to the agreement, let the child keep his promise, accept the punishment, and make him promise again what to do if he reoffends.
In the process of growing up, it is inevitable for children to do wrong things and make mistakes. However, parents need to understand that when a child makes a mistake, he himself will feel guilty. Therefore, if the child makes a harmless mistake, when the parents criticize and educate him, it is enough to try to stop it, so as not to cause the child to be dissatisfied with the parents because he feels wronged, which will affect the parent-child relationship.
Anchor |Zhang Yiwen.
The work is selected from "Gentle Upbringing".
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**: Haibo TVEditors: Yan Min, Duan Shengqi.
