Netizens' thoughts:
My boyfriend is very good to me, I will buy anything I want, he has never been too expensive or anything, he is very generous to me, and he is also very protective of me, but I don't know if I am more and more dependent on him after falling in love, he will send me a lot of messages when I was just a friend, and I am very jealous to see that I am playing with other men, but now I feel that he has less words with me, today when he was outside, I asked him to look up, and sent him a sunset **, and told him that I miss you very much in Nanjing, Then he gave me a memoji, and for a while I was a little embarrassed and didn't know what to reply, so I said if I picked you up, he replied with a hmm, and then he went to other topics, in fact, I kind of hoped that he could respond to me, maybe he was a little straight, and he didn't know how to fall in love, but there were times when I wondered if he didn't like me so much, maybe I was also sentimental.
My answer :
The other party doesn't like you so much, if he doesn't like you so much, he will never treat you with any reservations and doesn't care about the question of whether he is shy or not, so from this point of view, the other party likes you and really likes you, but your current relationship state, or the stage of the relationship has reached a so-called bottleneck period, which can also be called a flat period. During this period, you will get along with each other, and you will face the kind of relationship that you don't know how to continue, have more fun, and have more joy to get along, so the other party is helpless about it, and then you are looking forward to it.
One party is very helpless, and the other party is looking forward to it, so there will be a performance that is too demanding of the other party, hoping that the other party can be satisfied, can be qualified to poke themselves perfectly, and then create a heart-warming moment for themselves like when they first first met, to the beginning when we were still friends, so the relationship to a certain stage is to go to two people to work together, and then to overcome some troubles, or to create more fun.
But fun is a thing, it is not excavated in the other party, more fun must be in the outside world you are in, then the other party may not be aware of this, but you are indeed aware, for example, you see that today's weather is very good, let him look up at the sky, look up at the sky, let the other party see that today's weather is indeed very good, you put your eyes on the outside, but the other party does not, The other party is still in a feeling of digging in you and keeping his eyes on you, so he doesn't project his eyes on the outside world, to the outside world.
Netizen replied:
You said it well, I've been really confused lately, and yesterday was my 100th anniversary with my boyfriend, we met in college, he was from Taizhou, I was from Nanjing, today I was emotionally broken when we were separated, crying very sadly, he was very good to me, but he was a little straight, he didn't know how to fall in love, we are now in a long-distance relationship during winter vacation, my parents didn't know that I was in a relationship with him, he secretly came to Nanjing to find me, and then the next day we went to Yangzhou for a day, But there was no preparation and no planning in advance, I was very tired and tired, the 100-day anniversary was very bland, usually I may be a very romantic person, he didn't seem to pay so much attention to this anniversary this time, there was no sense of ceremony, I was a little sad and then I was about to be separated for a month and couldn't see each other, even more sad, I admit that it was tear incontinence physique, I was very depressed when I was waiting for the train at the high-speed rail station, but my boyfriend didn't see that he had been brushing Tik Tok there, Later, I found out that I don't talk much and have been silent, as soon as my boyfriend talks to me, I really want to cry, he sees me crying and he is also very uncomfortable but he doesn't know what to do, and then he is still there to brush Tik Tok, he also reflected, on the high-speed rail and the subway, I really want to cry, I can't help crying.
My reply :
The other party's mind is not delicate enough, it is difficult to perceive your subtle sadness, and I don't know how to appease you well, that is really a big shortcoming, I think this sentence should be your most true heart, you also think so, then the other party does have certain advantages, but his advantage is really enough to support many times when you feel particularly sad and sad, feel particularly lonely and cranky, can he be very good at smoothing down and dispelling your doubts? Obviously, it is difficult for the other party to do it, and if it is difficult to do it, then it is really a suspense that your relationship can talk for a long time.
What kind of boy is more suitable for you, that is, pay attention to details, delicate mind, and then retain a sincere and warm heart of the boy is more suitable for you, the most important thing is that the other party is a very good at observing and discovering an emotional state of his girlfriend, emotions one after another such a person, if the other party is a careless person, the other party is a rough person, feel that this is nothing person, what he does is a gesture that doesn't matter, he can't empathize with you, In that case, such a guy is definitely not suitable for you, because you can't experience that more pleasure in the other person.
But a boy like this, he is rare, there are really not many, boys are not as sensitive as girls, the genes are superior to boys, most boys are really straight, it doesn't matter, as long as it's a good character, it's okay, but it's a thing of feelings, it needs that emotional experience, and it needs that kind of warmth to be seen, if you are in many moments, many lonely moments are not seen by the other party, If the other party turns a blind eye to this, then you will definitely be disappointed, and when the disappointment is accumulated to a certain extent, then I think you don't have any expectations for this relationship or this person, you know.
I didn't believe in people who were born to fit in before, in fact, I now think that there is really that kind of person who is born to be in tune, such a person is that the two people will involuntarily reach a certain consensus at many moments, and then have a certain sense of tacit understanding, they can have a certain understanding, even if the other party does not say, the other party can also see that the other party wants to speak and stop feeling, this is the best relationship, such a relationship, he does not belong to the kind of analysis, to figure out each other, The kind of relationship that thinks about what the other party is thinking, such a relationship, it is more of a true outpouring, and more like a tacit understanding of the innate talent of the two people.
But then again, it is really rare to be able to have a person who can chat with the same frequency and resonance and be able to communicate with the heart, so since it is rare, in other words, most of the love relationships need to be run-in, and the run-in should also be divided into whether the other party is willing to cooperate with you to cater to your run-in, if the other party he is really a son can be taught, he is just simply not, that will not be able to learn, with your patience, gentleness to let the other party feel to let the other party move, A good intention that touches you may be able to spur yourself to learn, understand some delicate psychology of girls, and learn how to talk about love.
What I just talked about,It's through an acquired study to make up for a short board in my heart that is not delicate enough.,Then your boyfriend I think it's very much in need of a knowledge of this area.,If you don't make up for it, you'll definitely don't understand you more and more.,Girls don't need to be coaxed the more they grow up.,It's more and more necessary to be understood.,This kind of being understood is that the other party must want to understand you from the bottom of their hearts.,Want to understand you.,Want to care and take care of you.,Want to go a long, long distance with you., It has to be that the other party has such a firm determination that he can do it, and he can achieve it, you know.
If the other party doesn't think so, if the other party has not realized the seriousness of this matter, that is, one of your moods, one of your emotions is often not seen by the other party, not understood by the other party, and is often shelved by the other party, and then you hide in the corner alone, curl up in the corner, digest it alone, and cry and cry there but the other party can't do anything, the reason is that he won't fall in love, and this reason is really untenable at this time. You don't want to listen to the other person's defense, you just look at what the other person has done for me, and whether you feel more love, only this thing can last a relationship longer.
Netizen replied:
We sometimes have conflicts together, he doesn't understand romance and doesn't understand the point of my anger, every time I tell him, he says he will change, next time I must pay attention, but it still doesn't seem to be enough, he will be very tired when he comes out with me to play for a long time, I want to sleep very sleepy, I am very sad, but how do I teach him, I really want to tell him, but tell him that he will say that he knows the baby, I will change next time, I don't know how to say.
My reply :
So the root cause is that the emotional concentration that the two of you need is not the same, the emotional concentration you need, the other party is difficult to give you in other words, if you want this relationship to continue, in more moments you don't ask the other party too high, don't ask too much of the other party, and you have to know yourself very well, in more moments you have to learn to be yourself, if you can't do it, then your relationship is really faltering, difficult to continue, you know? The emotional concentration that the other party needs doesn't need to be very high, he thinks it's almost enough, and at a certain point, he really doesn't know how to adapt, you know? He can't be blamed, he doesn't want to.
It's just that he is really a very helpless performance in many moments, just like what? Just like a scumbag who does math problems, this math problem is very difficult, just with his own academic performance and ability, he can't solve it at all, you let him rack his brains, do everything possible to write a lot of answers that he is also wrong, he is also unable to fill in a correct answer, at this moment is a feeling of powerlessness, not that he doesn't want to, you know? Therefore, in the face of this situation, he is helpless.
But fortunately, you have always been very tolerant and tolerant of the mentality to give each other more opportunities, let the other party change, it is because of your tolerance, you have come to this point, if you have experienced so many heartbreaking moments, disappointed moments, and do not give him patience, then you have already broken up, can not talk for so long, but people's stamina, people's patience must have a certain limit, you can't always teach each other, You can't expect the other person to do nothing all the time, and then you keep treating the other person and then lenient to others, so if the other party never realizes it, then the relationship is really in jeopardy.
Netizen replied:
Yes, it does.
My reply :
So one of the best solutions for your relationship is that you must understand that the other party is an iceberg, understand why the other party is an iceberg, and then you have to know very well that you are in many lonely moments, in many moments when you have nothing to rely on, you don't count on each other, you don't demand too much from each other, you have to count more on yourself, a sense of security, a sense of joy, a sense of joy, more to create and then put your own happiness ** completely on yourself, don't pin on each other's body, It's not that the other party doesn't do anything for you, it's just that what he can do is limited, is it?
You don't expect the other person to be able to do something in terms of emotional value and delicacy, something that can soothe and comfort your soul, you don't expect it. If you count on it, then you will definitely be unhappy in this relationship, and you will become more and more unhappy, which is necessary, so if you can accept this, then you and the other party can continue to talk unharmed, but if you can't accept it, you think that such a romantic relationship, it is better than that, then it will be boring to talk, then you think that one of his existences is useless, Then I think a breakup may be the best destination for your relationship.
I didn't let you break up now, but I just said that when your enthusiasm is slowly exhausted by the other party, when your expectations are slowly put aside in the corner by the other party, when more and more are accumulated in such a helpless moment, you will definitely lose a lot of expectations for this person and this relationship, and over time you will no longer need this person so much in this relationship, and the will to break up may arise at that time. It may also be that two people break up peacefully and understand the handshake and make peace.
Netizen replied:
What my family means is that I don't expect too much from him, and don't impose my own expectations of love on him? In fact, I really want to tell my parents about his existence, I want to go further with him, but sometimes I feel that we are not really suitable, whether I am too demanding of him, should not bring my emotions to him, I sometimes play a little temper with him, because I want him to care more about me, coax me a little more, but I am afraid that he will annoy me.
My reply :
Love is in need of these emotions, is the need for you to be coquettish and vexatious and pretentious, if you don't have these emotions, then your relationship is like falling in love, without those happy moments, is this relationship interesting? How old are you? Do you have the kind of relationship that you have already fallen into the kind of love relationship of the elderly, the kind of love relationship of the middle-aged when you are young? Don't you think it's too early to say? Don't you think it's a pity? You still have a lot of those heart-warming and happy moments, all kinds of experiences have not been experienced, that taste will not make you dream, do you just terminate one of your emotional fate lines now, I don't think it's necessary.
Netizen replied:
To tell a joke, I often brush Douyin to see those couples in their daily lives, and see the boys' little surprises when they poke and poke people, or subconsciously care about or will record all the time, I'm a little envious, I can hardly see my boyfriend take **, and I can hardly see him post about my circle of friends, he posted twice or I said, I was a little sad, he took the initiative to take a photo with me yesterday, I thought he would post a circle of friends, because yesterday was the 100th anniversary, I said it was ugly, I want to take a better picture, he said it was okay, and he didn't show it to others, and I kept it for myself to make a handbook later.
My reply :
I really want to say, you need to really understand yourself, and then don't put your happiness on others, and don't be too demanding of others, in many moments of sadness, sadness, loneliness, you have to go to yourself, those spiritual traumas, and you don't need the other party to solve your problems and see those clues in your heart, small emotions or something, you can continue to talk to the other party but can you do it? Are you that kind of person? You need to have a high concentration of feelings, but the other party doesn't, so the two of you don't get along at all, and it's very poignant, right? But it's true.
Netizen replied:
I don't know what to do now, my family I sent him what you said, I want to have a good talk with him, and now I really like him.
My reply :
If you can't accept the other party, he doesn't understand your style, the other party doesn't have the mind to be so delicate and not so able to see your little grievances, small emotions, those helpless moments when the other party has been maintaining a kind of like an iceberg standing there and it is difficult to change, you can't accept it, then you can't talk to the other party, and now continue to talk to the other party, it's just a lingering breath, and it's just a dying day to go on every day. Every day like this will make you feel extremely tormented, you don't know if you're not happy.
Of course, no one is perfect, it is impossible for everyone to be a hexagonal warrior, everyone has a certain shortcoming, then the other party's shortcoming is that the mind is not delicate enough, but the advantage of the other party is that it is really good for you, and it is also good from the heart, but such a good, he only stays in one action, he has more emotional value, and he is very lacking in the spiritual world, so you have to weigh the pros and cons, it can really be good and perfect, It's still hard to do, right? But if the other party has the heart to cater to you, I believe that it is really possible to win against all odds, at least better than now.
Netizen replied:
But sometimes I'm really happy with him, and I know that there are times when I'm really dependent on him.
My reply :
You are very dependent on him, but the more you rely on him, the more you will ask for the other party, but the other party he can't resist your requirements for the other party is too high, he is now in a state of messy in the cold wind, the other party is helpless, just a case I gave you just now, scumbags do math problems, racking their brains can't do it, but what about the scumbag, the scumbag can easily complete it, and the answer is still correct, so he is now in a kind of like a scumbag, he has the heart to learn, yes, But I feel very strained, very powerless, very more than enough and not enough, so it still takes a little time to dismantle a mental defense in his heart.
At the same time, you also have to give the other party a little time to be consistent with yourself, you still have to be patient, gentle and considerate, lenient to others, strict self-discipline to teach the other party, the other party has the heart to change, will definitely listen to your words, and then will be subtle, step by step, and then slowly change, you don't expect to eat a big fat man, you know? So let's lower our expectations for the time being, but hope still needs to be ignited.
One of the biggest fortunate things about your relationship is that the other party didn't do it intentionally, but unintentionally, and the other party didn't want to be so dull, and didn't want to be an iceberg standing there, and then didn't take care of your emotional feelings, the other party didn't mean it, so he just didn't know how to do it, didn't know how to effectively heal his own lack of goodness, so he lacked a patient of yours to support a patient guidance, lack of such an opportunity, Because the other party didn't mean it, he is also innocent, and since he is innocent, he is not guilty.
Netizen replied:
But I have another question that I am more worried about, that is, this is the most real self of the other party, if you just want the other party to become the way you like, it will be very easy for the other party to lose the most real self, will make the other party lose themselves, maybe the other party will always be in a very twisted, very unhappy state, at that time he will become very uncomfortable with you, so sometimes, you have to respect the other party, and then be consistent with yourself, and then convince yourself, You can accept each other's imperfections, alas, mutual respect is really important, there is a saying that adults don't need to change, they just need to screen, you go and touch it yourself.
Netizen replied:
Okay family, I understand, thank you so much, I haven't had anyone to tell and I don't know who to talk to, thank you.
Netizen follow-up :
Family, after I told him last night, he knew what he was wrong with, and then bought me milk tea and strawberries, but I was a little worried about whether it was the reason after I told him yesterday.
I didn't know how to reply to him for a while.