Hello everyone, and welcome to today's lesson. As human beings, we all want to improve the happiness of our families.
Therefore, we find that we love a person, we manage a person, educate a person, in fact, it is the interaction between people, so it becomes very important to study people. I remember once in a big class, one of the students said Mr. Lu, I don't work with people, he said that my work objects are cats, dogs, I am a pet doctor, I said pet doctor, you have to establish a relationship with the owner of these pets first, he can bring his animals to you for treatment. Then if cats and dogs run over to you on their own, and you don't see it, you definitely don't see it. So we are a human society, and we all deal with people. We have to solve all the problems with people, including the management of a happy family, the growth and education of our children. So if we want to study people clearly, we must know what aspects of people are included?
The first one is the ** muscles, which include the internal organs and stomach, right? It's called physiological, for example, if I drink a glass of water now, I know where my mouth is going? I know what the future holds, you know? Ladies and gentlemen, do you see that the water goes out from the mouth along the esophagus, gastroduodenum, intestines, ileum, colon, and circles? Therefore, everyone found that without this digestive system, it is the only system in the human body that opens back and forth, and the influence of the outside world is relatively large. So everyone found that they didn't say that the old stomach disease and the old stomach disease can't be cured every year, right? Therefore, the stomach is not only a human digestive organ, it is also a human emotional organ, and we should pay attention to the impact of physiology on people. What must a person have if he has a physiology? There must be a psychology, this is easy to understand, so let me ask you again if you have a physical psychology, what else?
The second one, let me say a few words to you, you can feel it, for example, Lu Jinhua at this moment, so how to define me now? At this moment, Lu Jinhua has the psychological state of spreading family system education to students, and expresses a person who is a teacher in the social role function. Then if I go home and see my parents, then I have to give me another definition, when I meet my parents, with the psychological state of love for my parents in front of me, I express a person who is a social role function of a daughter in the way of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children. Therefore, social functioning behavior is very important. Each of us has our own role, different environments, we have different roles, so different roles, that function is different, and ultimately it is all shown through behavior. Therefore, if we want to study a person well, we will conduct an in-depth study of him from the state of physiological, psychological, and social function (behavior). But there is also a very important word here, which is character. Many times, some of the clients who come to me for counseling have found that it is often his role in the incident he tells is not functioning well and is dysfunctional. There's definitely something wrong with that behavior, and a lot of times it's important for us to get back into our role. Let's take this as a realistic question. For example, this mother-in-law will say a word to her daughter-in-law, saying that I will treat you as a daughter-in-law, you remember, he will treat you as a daughter-in-law, but you are not his daughter-in-law, why are some daughters-in-law more tired? It's because you were originally someone else's daughter-in-law, and you still want to enjoy the treatment of being a daughter, which is a bit unrealistic, this is the deviation of the role. That mother-in-law is good to her son-in-law. The mother-in-law's idea of being good to her son-in-law is very pure, very simple, just one. I'm kind to you, you can be nice to my daughter. The mother-in-law has a bit high requirements for her daughter-in-law, why? Mother-in-law's idea is also very simple, I am more demanding of you, you can make my child better. You see, this is a different character, different positions, and her starting point is different. Then it also functions and behaves completely differently. That's my understanding of human nature.
Therefore, whether it is a big class or a small class, I will be based on human nature itself, and pay attention to people in the trinity of physiological, psychological, and social functions (behavior). How do we love children? Physiological, psychological, social functioning (behavior), how do we love our husbands? Physical, mental, social functioning and behavior. Even if you manage a person, you have to think about his health, you have to think about his emotions, you have to think about his role, his functioning and his behavior. So all my curriculum system, its core and most valuable is this set of things. When we care for children, we must remember what aspects we should look at? From these three aspects, comrades who are in love, it is also beneficial for you to listen to it. For example, you say a girl asks this boy and says, uh, do you love me? This boy said I love you, this girl said how do you love me? The boy was in a hurry and said I can't wait to take my heart out and show you how much I love you. This girl said dig it, what do you say you should do? If you learn this set of things, this girl asks you to say do you love me? The boy said I love you, and the girl said how do you love me? You can tell her in a chic way that I express my deepest love for you from the trinity of physical, psychological, and social functioning (behavioral)! The girl was shocked when she heard it, wasn't she? So there's a way to do it, and I suggest you keep that in mind.
Let's see what's in our hearts? I will lead you into the process of human psychology to see what is included in the heart, and psychology includes two aspects: one is that all people have, which we call common psychology.
One is what you have that others don't have, and that's called personality psychology. This is the focus of our learning, and in order for everyone to learn more deeply, this content is not easy to forget, because it is so important. As we all know, we have a lot of practical methods, in fact, they are all based on the characteristics of human nature, the essence of human nature to tell you. So I would like to ask you that if you can listen to it, repeat it, and memorize it, that's the best. Now pull our minds back to our childhood. When we were very young, when we recalled the summer vacation, where did you like to go for the summer vacation, did you go back to your hometown? When we were young, we all went back to our hometown, and the trees were so cool, and the old people went back to kiss each other. So when I go back to my hometown and sleep at night, there is no air conditioning at that time, the conditions are relatively poor, we all like to sleep on the roof and sleep on the side of the road, right?
So the old man said that if you don't come back easily, how can you go and live outside? Besides, it's hot, and it's not safe.
The average old man would put up a bed near the window, pull a mosquito net, and then you would fall asleep, and when you woke up at twelve o'clock in the morning, you suddenly found the whole village shrouded in deathly silence, the white moonlight covering the earth, and from time to time a few wild dogs barking from afar. At this time, you subconsciously looked out of the window, and you suddenly found that there was a white shadow outside the window, fluttering comrades, don't scare you after listening to it, if it was when we were young, you wanted to see this image, you must be afraid, are you snorting, right? Calling an old man with his head covered, right? Say grandpa, grandpa, what do you think this is? As soon as the grandfather heard the child screaming there in the middle of the night, he came out with a stick and said What's wrong?
What do you think Grandpa? Grandpa walked over and looked at it and said, "Oh, don't be afraid, child, this is a white dress you wear to worship the sky, and grandma has washed it for you." When you listen to this sentence and see it clearly, are you less afraid, less afraid, less anxious? So the bold slept on the spot, and the timid slept with his grandfather. Well, comrades, my story is finished, and my question comes out. Throughout the whole process of telling this story, it is important that you can collect the elements of psychology. Everyone recalls and recalls, what do you feel the most about this story just now? Isn't it just emotion, wow, scared, isn't it this feeling, so where does this emotion come from?
Attention, everybody, it's very important. Don't take notes at this time, listen well, I'll tell you.
What's the first step? It's the eyes that see that thing outside, are you so-called scared, isn't that emotion?
You don't see it, you don't know what you're afraid of. The eye sees that from the perspective of this mental process of human psychology, it is the level of cognition, and then the feeling is the beginning of the cognitive process. So what does it mean to feel? Sensation is the response of the sense organ to the individual properties of external objective things, which we call sensation. Then the sense and perception are closer, and the perception will come immediately. Then perception is the response of the sense organs to the overall properties of external objective things, which we call perception. After the perceptual connection is connected, do you have imagination, do you have associations, your thought process has been started. So after you start to recognize him, you think he's something scary. So you don't have emotions, your emotions have the power to push you to ask for help.
So our grandfather or other elders came to us and told us, saying that the child should not be afraid that he is a dress, what is this process called? This process is called the process of re-cognizing, and we generate new emotions on the basis of this re-established cognition.
This new emotion pushes us to develop an adaptive behavior, that is, sleeping, let's figure it out, do you feel it? I just want everyone to understand that the front is cognition, which is emotion. So this is behavior, so let's look at the mental process, which includes the cognitive process, the emotional process, and the volitional action process.
Speaking of which, I would like to give you another in-depth talk, no matter who it is, including children, lovers, etc., when he makes you uncomfortable, you recall and remember what often makes you uncomfortable, and you find that it is often his certain behaviors that make you uncomfortable, right? Or maybe he's releasing an emotion that makes you uncomfortable. I'll tell you bluntly, it's unscientific when you focus only on emotions and behaviors. We must figure out the cognitive reason behind him, that is, a person with a high level, a person with strong energy, his cognitive ability is very developed, he can see things that others can't see, he has vision, and then he will have the corresponding emotions and behaviors. But the average person is an emotional person, a very impulsive person, his cognitive ability is very, very narrow, he is very small, then he amplifies emotions and behaviors. So this person seems to be behaving badly and emotionally bad. So here you pay attention to this sentence: comrades, when there is a problem with behavior, do not use the method of behavior to solve the problem of behavior, but should rise to the cause of the emotion behind him. When you find the cause of your emotion, or when you can't find it, don't dwell too much on your emotions, but rise to the level of cognition. Then by reconstructing cognition, we can generate new emotions and emotions, and we can produce new behaviors that we want, which is a conceptual explanation. I'll tell you a case in a moment, let's put it together.
So what about personality psychology, it includes two aspects, one is personality tendency, the other is personality psychological characteristics, you say that personality tendencies include: demand motivation, interests, attitudes, world view, values, outlook on life. Then the psychological characteristics of personality include: ability, temperament and character, which is personalized in this part and is not the focus of our course. The focus of our course, I want to lead you to do a detailed and serious study of these three aspects, which is the focus of our teaching.
So in our lesson, I've condensed it a little bit, readjusted it, and what has it become?
You just need to remember the knowledge, feelings, and actions, and you're good to go. What does that mean? That is, there are emotions behind all behaviors, and all emotions must be related to cognition. If we adjust our emotions too much, if we adjust our behaviors too much without adjusting our cognition, our emotions and behaviors will not get better. I'll give you another analysis, everyone is optimistic about knowledge, being able to be kind, and doing well.
If you can have a high level of consistency and coordination, that is, you are mentally healthy and you are positive.
Because knowledge affects emotions, emotions, it affects behavior, behavior, it also affects emotions, emotions, it also has an impact on cognition.
So when we talk about cognition, there is a case where three plus eight equals few, that is, when the child writes his homework, he obviously knows the question, but he writes him wrong, everyone has an impression! So before listening to this course, what would everyone say: not serious, sloppy and not worried! So after listening to our course, you will say that it is caused by unproficiency, this is the problem of unproficiency, this is the problem of changing the cognition of parents and friends, from the adjustment of cognition, you adjust the cognition, and then the emotion is adjusted, and then the behavior is followed. So what is the use of behavior? The imbalance technique works very well, that is, after the child makes a mistake, you must not immediately criticize him, but let the child stay in the mistake for a while. If you put him in a state of imbalance, the effect will be very noticeable. So today, I'll give you another example, and we can connect them completely. Therefore, this is a systematic set of courses, and everyone needs to listen to them one by one.
Okay, let me share a case with you. I have a student who is a big business executive and a strong woman, and her son comes back every two weeks when he goes to high school. When the mother's son comes back once every two weeks, he hurriedly goes shopping, cooks a big table of meals, and waits for the child to come back. After the child got home, he directly told his mother, I won't eat, I have made an appointment, I am going out to play, and I said that I will leave with a basketball. As soon as his mother heard that you couldn't go, you had to eat. The child said, I made an appointment, I said yes, I can't talk and it doesn't count. Right? I won't eat it, you guys eat, you have to leave, this mom is very angry, right? You see I cook so much for you, right? You said go away, ah, so my mother became stern when her voice was loud.
As soon as the child heard this, he began to quarrel a few words, and the child was also very individual, threw the basketball, turned his head and went into the house, stopped eating, and did not go to play basketball. The father hurried over to persuade him to knock on the door and not open it, the mother began to sit here and cry, the child was angry inside, this father had no choice, and called me a **, saying that Mr. Lu's family is now a mess again. The daughter-in-law is crying here, and the child is also sulking, what can I do? I said you tell me what happened, and he told me everything, and I laughed. I said it's simple, you give ** to your daughter-in-law, she lost her temper and made a mistake, what do you mean?
I've written it out to you, and that's the wrong starting point for your tantrums. You want to cry, you want to quarrel with him, I will teach you a way to cry, a way to quarrel with him, you cry hard and quarrel, he still has educational meaning. I said that your starting point is wrong, your crying is in vain, and the whole family is also messed up. You give the ** to your daughter-in-law, but his daughter-in-law told me that the child was disobedient, and he said a lot about it, and I said okay, you also said it almost, and you cried almost. Let me ask you a question. Now the senior of your group company specially asked the assistant to call you, asking you to go to the meeting immediately now, whether you go or not. She said I'll go, I said you can't go, you haven't eaten yet. Hey, she was stunned for a moment, can you understand what it means? For you, you are the senior executive of the company, and the senior of your group company is your day. That is for the child, the agreement of the brothers, that is the day of the young man, and for him to keep the agreement, he must go. Your chairman shouted to you, you have to go, but according to your point just now, then he can't go, then you have to finish eating. I said you tell the child again: you have to tell him that his mother has cooked so much for you, and you are willing to go out to play basketball, I have no objection, but why don't you tell me in advance.
If you told your mother in advance, I don't have to cook so much, I'll make a few delicate ones, and I'll buy you some more fruit, right?
You can still eat with your friends and play there. I can understand that good friends haven't seen each other in two weeks. You don't say hello, come back, you just go, you don't know how to tell me in advance, you don't feel sorry for your mother and start crying. The starting point is adjusted to not feel sorry for you, and cry harder. That kid will definitely tell you, Mom, I was wrong, I was wrong, next time I will tell you in advance, Mom, don't cry, I will tell you in advance, oops, I feel sorry for you, everyone is crying, crying, the departure person has not adjusted, adjusted. What is it to adjust your child's behavior? He will apologize, he will be distressed. So when you have emotions, it's not scary, we often say don't have emotions, it's impossible, God has emotions, right? I remember a colleague studying psychology would have a question, what was it? I don't dare to lose my temper since I studied psychology, why? Because once you lose your temper, people will say, hey, you see you're still studying psychology. Whoever told you that you can't lose your temper if you study psychology, that's not right. Is it that we know that the starting point of the tantrum is **? We can have a higher and more controllable control over our temper. That's the point, there's no such thing. You look at the case just now, my mother was casual, she was angry and cried, and it ended up in a mess. Then if you understand these things, through the content of my lessons, you can adjust the starting point of your tantrums, you can cry, you can also educate children, and the final result is also good.
Therefore, these contents are very important from the adjustment of cognition, emotion and behavior, so this is the idea that we get education, and we have focused on these aspects from the beginning.
For example, our Guigu Wisdom Student Sports Training Camp, which is the training of children, is also like this. I also designed it from a physiological point of view.
Let's say a 5-kilometer hike, right? Walking twice for nearly ten kilometers, that is to adjust the body, which is called opening the body, called the process of opening the body.
What about the psychology, be happy, open the door of your heart. What about social function (behavior), that is, to open the brain and open the brain, so that we can behave better, this is the idea that we get education, and I have a lot of course content, which is the starting point. Starting from whole-person education, we use the trinity of knowledge, affection and action to make our family happiness index burst! That's the end of today's lesson, my name is Lu Jinhua, we'll see you next time.