Many people mistakenly think that they should hurry up and be good when they just break up, otherwise the longer the time, the more long the night will be more dreams, but in fact, it is notJust breaking up is the moment when the antagonism between two people is the most seriousRather than reconcile, you should focus more on resolving the other person's emotions.
There are two "no's" mistakes that are most likely to be made at this stageReluctant and undeserved, reluctant to let go and adopted the way it shouldn't.
Feelings are a matter of two people, but each person is an independent individual, a good relationship is a good "fusion", rather than a person blindly using his own way to do some so-called "giving" to each other.
Many people are either stalking about reconciliation, or arguing about the relationship in the middle of the night to seek reconciliation, but in the end, the relationship is getting farther and farther away.
You think about the root of the breakup problem, thinking that the other party is not in love, but in fact, you don't realize the fundamental core of the breakup.
Redeeming your ex is to solve the problems between you and make the other person change their minds, rather than blindly pleasing the other person, "begging" or "pressing" the other person to love you again. So it's not that hard to reconcile, it's just that you haven't been able to find a proper way to save your ex.
Reconciliation requires a process, not a touch of the upper and lower lips can make the other party turn back. The problem needs to be solved, not a perfunctory emotional card, otherwise the crux of your breakup will be easy to repeat after reconciliation, and if the problem is not solved, it will explode again and again.
I will not only share with you the specific practical steps of scientific recovery, but also take you to the level of [self-awareness] and [self-growth], and use this as a foothold to learn the underlying logic of long-term relationships, and use a new and better self to redeem your lover and give a relationship a new lease of life. Of course, recovery is a complex project, the article can help you see a lot of things, have the right direction, but specific to the actual recovery operation, will also involve a lot of details and invisibility, you can pay attention to me if you need to, talk to me, I will help you.
The best way to salvage a relationship is to be yourself
Why is it said that the early stage of a breakup is the time when two people's antagonistic emotions are the most serious?
Because whether you are breaking up or being broken up, a sudden change in the state of your relationship can cause you to experience intense emotional swings and capriciousness.
The party who breaks up voluntarily will feel more joy and relief than ever before, because the negative emotions that have suppressed himself for many years are finally able to explode and vent without scruples at this moment, and his main state at this time is to be excited and welcome a new life.
WhileThe opposite is true for the party who is being broken upAfter they suddenly learned that they had been broken up, they felt crying, anxiety, insomnia, constantly speculating about why their partner broke up, and all kinds of clips kept flashing in their heads, and they would become insecure, emotionally numb, neurotic, depressed, self-doubting, and depraved and decadent.
This is called in psychology as:Post-traumatic stress disorder.
During this period, the party who actively breaks up strongly wants to get rid of the relationship and welcome a new life, while the party who passively breaks up strongly wants to redeem and beg the other party to turn back at all costsTwo completely opposed, intensely concentrated emotions collide togetherAs you can imagine, your relationship will become more and more strained, and if you are not careful, you will lose everything.
When the emotional problem is not solved, you reason with him, argue with him, and he can't listen to it at all, and you probably can't talk a lot at the beginning, most of the time you are still paving the way for comfort.
Maybe in the first two weeks, I occasionally took the initiative to chat with each other, and when I had something, I talked about it once or twice. That is, I often tell everyone that there is nothing to do, don't look for trouble, there is something to say, to understand the other party's current emotions with the frequency and scale of an ordinary friend, and also let the other party understand their own changes, especially the changes in the relationship and emotional cognition of two people, talk about their joys and troubles, talk about each other's joys and fears, ** ideals and lives of both parties. Finally, there is the reason for the separation between each other.
Many people will have a question: just chat for a few days, is the frequency too low, don't chat, but let the other party have no emotional inertia about themselves.
In fact, if you think about this question carefully, you can understand that if the other party is willing to talk to you, or if you grasp the opportunity well, it is natural to talk about your past and talk about why you separated, and you may know the more objective reason why the other party separated from you in the first place.
At this time, if you can make the other person feel that your perception of these problems is different, and even give a good solution, then your relationship can take a big step forward?
Compared with those unnutritious and stalking, is this kind of high-quality chat much more effective? How many times has this kind of communication, do you have a chance to enter the ambiguous stage? Can you increase the frequency and depth of your chats at the right time?
Most of the time, you have to refocus on your own life, to discover your own shortcomings, make up for your shortcomings, and regain the positive you used to be, which is to be yourself;
A small part of the time, you have a good idea and method, and the timing is right, you go to "tease" the other party.
Prioritize the needs of the other party and be wary of falling into an emotional storm
I've found that most people who want to reconcile after a breakup make the same mistake as if they wanted anything at the timeUnilaterally forcibly expressing one's own needs and forcing the other party to meet them
If the other person's attitude is repulsive, you know that the other party does not want to reconcile with you now, but because his needs are contrary to your needs, and your needs are not met, so you automatically block his true feelings, or keep begging him to come back in your own way, then you are too selfish.
Any interpersonal relationship is value matching and value exchange, you need to satisfy the other party first if you want others to satisfy youLet him see the benefits of cooperating with you, so that he can be prompted to agree to you, this most basic principle of being a man and doing things, everyone should understand.
Feelings are even more so, love cannot be forced, you can only rely on your own attraction to attract the other person to love you. Now, if you want the other person to come back, do you have to think about the other person's thoughts and needs, and then let him see that you have the ability to satisfy him and use your own value points to attract the other person back?
And you? You don't care about this, you just put your own needs first, and then use the simplest and violent method, you can reconcile if you want, isn't this selfish?
If you really want to redeem it, you have to respect the other party's attitude towards the breakup, to put it bluntly, he doesn't want to talk to you at this stage, okay, he has the right to refuse to communicate with you, if you attack him, accuse him, and pester him even more because he avoids communication, that's your problem, you don't understand him at all, don't care about his feelings, and you are a burden to him that "I see you".
Don't blame the other party for being ruthless, and there's no need to blame yourself for being selfish, in fact, you just fell in"Emotional storm"., emotions envelop you, making you lose your sanity and calmness.
What is often on the mind of a lovelorn?
I'm not going to redeem him at this time, what if I miss the opportunity?
Why didn't he message me back? Is it really not in love anymore?
Did he premeditate a long time ago, did he have a new love?
The more cranky you think, the greater your negative emotions will be, and the more you will take your thoughts seriously. It's just your emotions that are blocking your intellect, it's driving you to think the way it is, because it's controlled by your sense of need and desire.
These emotions make you anxious, make you eager to renew your relationship, and make you unconsciously put your needs ahead of the other person.
And if you still want to redeem it, you must overcome these emotions and let reason regain the upper hand, so that you can get out of this cycle and not let the relationship between the two people deteriorate more and more.
Prioritizing the needs of the other person is best expressed as: I know you need time and space, I will not harass you, and I accept your decision to break up.
He doesn't want to communicate without asking why, at this time acceptance is respect for the other person, and love him first accepts his emotions and feelings.
If you have also made the mistake of misaligning needs in the process of recovery, and accidentally made the relationship more and more rigid, you can pay attention to me, talk to me about your situation, and I will help you analyze whether there is still room for turnaround.
Upgrade your self-awareness and re-establish a new way of getting along
Why do many people try, try, and end up failing?
Because they all neglect the crucial step: radically change themselves.
Failure to do so creates a serious problem:"You are still the same you, but the other party left because of the original you. ”
Therefore, if we want to break the cycle of failure, we must step out of our comfort zone and change ourselves positivelyTo redeem a true breakup, don't use your mouth to "persuade others", but use your actions to "prove yourself".
Think about it:
Why is it that someone who once loved you so much is now so stubborn and heartless?
This also means that "he fell in love with you because of some of your attraction points", but after being together, these attraction points of yours are gradually ignored and buried by you, but it exposes many shortcomings that the other party can't stand anymore, and when he sees a bad person and a hopeless future, he will naturally walk away ruthlessly.
Therefore, if you want the other party to turn back, you must first upgrade yourself in an all-round way, change the shortcomings of yourself that he can't accept, rejuvenate those shining points that attract the other party, and continue to strengthen these shining points, so that they can become your best value chips.
When people are in love, in fact, the subconscious mind is also pursuing its own integrity, what he likes, what he lacks, and what he attracts, all hope to get from the other half, if you can't meet these needs of the other party for a long time, then it will naturally bring disappointment and separation.
Therefore, self-improvement does not mean that "you have to blindly improve" or "improve yourself in all aspects", but to carry out past feelings[Review].Find out what these needs are lost by the other party, and then reshape and make up for them reasonably, so that you can maximize the recovery benefits.
If you don't know how to review, I'll give you a few ideas:
What shortcomings have the other party blamed you:
What are the shortcomings that the other party clearly raised, and you agreed to but didn't really pay attention to?
Disadvantages hinted at by the other party:
What shortcomings did the other party hint at you openly and secretly, and you didn't take it seriously?
What do you do not do well:
Dig deep into your mistakes, what can be corrected or done better?
The other party's yearning for affection:
What kind of intimacy does the other person want? What type of partner does the other person want? Do you know all of this? What does he expect from you?
The more detailed and in-depth you think about these things, the more you will know why you were broken up, and then you have to change it, let yourself do what you like, and make yourself a better person, change your image and cognition, refresh the other person's previous inherent impression, and prove yourself with actions.
If you are also experiencing the pain of a breakup, instead of humbling and humblingly seeking reconciliation, you might as well change the way to make yourself better and attract your ex to take the initiative to pay attention to you. If you need specific operation methods, you can pay attention to me, and I will help you plan and assist you in implementing according to your situation, the psychology and needs of the other party, and your emotional status.