Why do conversations in homeschooling always turn into arguments?
Why are children who are taught with their hearts always mischievous?
Why are children increasingly reluctant to talk to their parents?
Almost every parent has encountered these problems. When communication has become the biggest "pain" between parents and children, parents should reflect in time - is my listening style correct?
Parents should listen "quietly".A parent once asked me why her child was so naughty and didn't listen to her at all.
Unable to sit still in class and often desert; When I got home, I didn't want to study hard, I couldn't listen to anything, and I often talked back to us. ”
He's only 8 years old, how does he feel rebellious? ”
I asked her how she usually communicates with her children. The parent looked at me in amazement
"What do children want to communicate, they are not sensible yet, just let them be obedient. ”
I think I understand the problem.
Many parents are not accustomed to listening to their children, and often feel that the questions raised by their children are very stupid and what they say is nonsense, and they have time to toss with them!
Where are there so many questions, go and do your homework! ”
Got it, Dad is busy, go play by yourself. ”
It's so dirty, do you know how hard your mom does it to wash your clothes? ”
When children are young, children always have an endless desire to confide in their closest parents, and they want to share everything they hear, see, and think with their parents. They are very curious about the world and have countless questions for their parents; They like to be spoiled to their parents, and they want their parents to know ...... at any feeling
However, the busyness, impatience, and eviction of their parents make them feel that their parents do not want to listen to them.
When they grow up, children are used to being silent and don't say anything from their parents, so they are still criticized by their parents, "When you grow up, you can not take your parents seriously".
The root of the problem is still in the parents.
A psychoeducational expert argues:Only when parents are willing to listen will children be willing to speak
Parents want their children to talk as much as they want, sit next to them, and listen quietly to their children's vomiting. ”
Don't interject, don't interfere with the child too much, and don't rush to comment when the child is not finished, this is a sign of disrespect for the child. ”
Only when children are fully respected will they be willing to speak their minds.
Parents should "identify" with their children
Of course, communication between parents and children is not only about listening, but also about appropriate interaction.
Here are some counter-examples.
The child says to you, "I'm tired," but you reply:This kind of dialogue does exist all around us, and perhaps you who are reading this article are one of them.You've just woken up, and you're not tired", "You're not tired, you're just sleepy", "I think you're lazy"...
The child says to you, "I don't want to do my homework", but you reply:
It's a bad boy who doesn't do homework", "I want to be lazy again", "Don't talk nonsense, go study"...
The child says to you, "Mommy, I'm hot", but you reply:
It's cold here, get dressed quickly", "Put your clothes on, be careful of catching a cold", "Don't be willful, what should I do if I catch a cold"...
We don't think there's a problem with blurting out words, but when we put all the similar conversations together, I don't know if you find a terrible truth:
We are used to denying our children and making them afraid to say what they want!
In fact, every parent has an "authority" mentality in their hearts, and it is precisely because they are adults and parents of their children that they are responsible for their children, so they think that everything they do and make for their children is good.
It may be good that this is result-oriented, but there is no doubt that the child's heart has been hurt.
They will think that it is useless to talk to their parents because they will never be understood.
They will feel useless because their parents are constantly criticizing and denying them.
Children are always denied, they are confused, they think that their feelings are not credible, and their thoughts are not credible.
Growing up in an environment of long-term denial, children will not only become more and more silent, but even develop low self-esteem, depression, cowardice, and lack of opinions.
Parents should encourage them in a timely mannerCommunication should be carried out in the positive interaction between parents and children.
Parents are willing to listen, willing to spare a lot of time, willing to listen quietly to their child in full, these are not enough, it is better to add some positive interaction.
For example, always make eye contact with your child and encourage them to continue with a smile. If you find your child silent, you can gently touch them or ask "what's wrong"; Your child is doing well and can occasionally say "awesome" ......
In short, it is important to encourage your child from time to time during the interaction and let them continue to talk about their thoughts and feelings.
Here are some encouraged practices:
Good at spotting children's emotional changes.
A careful parent can detect the changes in the child's mood in time, so as to accurately judge what kind of problems the child encounters and what kind of help is needed.
Children who are more introverted and less confident often do not take the initiative to confide in their parents. At this time, parents should encourage their children to talk to themselves, talk about their experiences and feelings, and vent their inner emotions.
Emotional guidance from parents is also important in this process. Parents who are calm, objective, and positive enough will naturally be able to help their children understand things comprehensively and find solutions to problems.
Encourage your child both physically and mentally.
In addition to the above, you can also give your child a hug after he finishes speaking, so that he can feel trusted and recognized.
The "heart" aspect is more important, mainly referring to parents who recognize their children from the bottom of their hearts and believe that their children are pure in nature, rather than suspecting them of being naughty and deliberately causing trouble.
What do you think of your children, in fact, they can feel it.
Parents should treat their children as friendsBacon said:A person who has no friends to confide in can be said to be a savage who eats his own heart.
The best parent-child relationship is never about the upper person competing with the lower one, but about the interaction of close friends.
It is not difficult to find that those children who perform well get along with their parents like friends, can choose to do what they like, can say their true thoughts, and can also help each other solve problems.
Only when parents and children become "friends", not arrogant or slaves and subordinates, can the two sides achieve equality and truly achieve spiritual communication.
Mr. Zhou Guoping believes that if you want your child to have a happy childhood, it is best to do the following three things:
Spend time playing and chatting with your child, so that your child can often enjoy real family affection;The three points proposed by Zhou Guoping can also inspire parents how to "be friends" with their children, which are nothing more than three points:Resist the harm of test-oriented education, so that children can grow healthily and intellectually;
Nurture children's wisdom and independence in life, so that they can both strive for happiness and endure pain.
play with children;
Respect your child's choices;
Let go and let your child grow up healthily.
In the process of communicating with children, parents should not ridicule or ridicule them if they want to be friends, nor should they criticize them excessively.
You must know that the reason why a child loses his temper with his parents is because he trusts his parents, so he will expose his vulnerable side.
In the process of tantrums, in fact, the child subconsciously hints that his parents have encountered problems and hopes to get help and solutions, but they dare not say it directly for the sake of face.
The most important thing parents should do is to understand their children as much as possible and help them solve their problems.
Listen to your child's heart like a friend, so that your child can grow up healthy and happy.