From an early age, we learn the importance of humility, moderation, and self-reflection.
However, excessive meekness, weakness, or low self-esteem can often make life difficult.
If kindness lacks boundaries, it is often the self that is hurt in the end.
It is not difficult to find that those "good people" who always seem to give unconditionally do not always reap the corresponding rewards.
On the contrary, those who may not be so approachable on the surface, because they stick to their positions and methods, do not follow the crowd, do not compromise easily, are often more able to win the respect of those around them and live the life they yearn for.
In married life, we often see a phenomenon: although some people do their best to preserve their marriage, it is often the one who pays more who suffers betrayal and hurt.
I have a friend who is so withdrawn from her husband that even she can't tell what she's afraid of.
For example, if she goes out to dinner with friends and doesn't come home after 10 o'clock, she will feel anxious and worried that her husband will call her and ask why she hasn't come home yet.
Even when she knew that her husband was at fault, she did not dare to point it out clearly, for fear that this would make him more unhappy and cause more anger.
Although she does almost all the housework, she always bows to her husband's advice when it comes to important decisions.
Outsiders may mistakenly think that she is financially dependent on her husband, but in fact, she has a good job and earns even more than her husband.
Her husband not only failed to give her the emotional support she deserved, but often denied, suppressed and controlled her.
The root of her overly submissive and cowering personality is actually her deep fear of conflict.
In essence, she is a kind person who devotes herself to the education of her children, works hard for the financial situation of the family, and strives to live in harmony with her husband in order to create a warm family environment.
Her kindness is mixed with weakness and fear of conflict, a character that makes her seem powerless in the face of challenges.
For example, after an argument, if the husband threatens to divorce because he feels that his authority is being challenged, she will immediately feel at a loss and quickly soften and no longer dare to contradict.
She is bent on a perfect family life, which she has made her lifelong pursuit.
She feared that the divorce would cause harm to her children and that all her efforts would come to naught.
She can't afford the risk of a failed marriage and is even more reluctant to let her children grow up in a single-parent family.
Faced with this situation, she did not find an effective solution to the conflict, and as a result, she was extremely frightened by her husband's threats.
From my friend's experience, we can see that kindness does not mean that one should accept being violated, and that giving is not wrong.
The key reason why many people feel powerless, bullied or taken advantage of is that they lack enough inner strength to fear conflict.
They lack faith, do not believe that they can live well on their own, panic about the unknown future, and therefore prefer to cling to everything at hand, even if it means accepting hurt, repeatedly forgiving and conniving with each other.
This approach ultimately leads to the other party's neglect and contempt for themselves, while ignoring their own needs are also worthy of attention.
A healthy marital relationship requires the joint efforts, mutual understanding and support of both parties to maintain.
If one party always retreats, hides their needs and emotions, and tries to satisfy the other through accommodation, then the apparent harmony will not last. Someday, long-pent-up emotions will explode and destabilize the relationship.
There is a sentence from the movie "The Godfather":
Gentleness without boundaries only makes people worse; Compassion without principles can only be abused. ”
Therefore, in order to overcome this distress and suffering, "good people" must set their own boundaries and follow principles. When others make mistakes and violate your boundaries, it's important to stand firm for your rights.
Avoid justifying the wrong actions of others, and likewise do not easily waver in your own positions and principles.
Those who fail to uphold their principles are highly susceptible to manipulation and control by others.
When faced with conflict, don't run away or hide immediately, try one rejection, one rebellion, one rebellion, and see if these actions really cause irreparable damage to yourself. Even if there is a loss, it is a process of growth.
After all, it is only when people learn to courageously reject those who are unjust and unwilling to accept that they can gradually develop inner strength.