Since January, I have received a lot of private messages from girls complaining about their relationships.
Because there were so many private messages, I didn't reply to them one by one, but I read them all. I've found that many people seem to have grown up, but their attitude towards relationships is still immature.
Today I select a few representative letters, and in order to protect the privacy of fans, I will only repeat the content of the letters and our recommendations:
1There is a boy who claims to be a bit of a mom and says that he is in pain, his three girlfriends are very strong, and each of them has a conflict with his mother, and he doesn't know why he is always tormented by strong girls?
My reply: Mom Bao men naturally like strong women.
Many mom boys subconsciously attach to the image of their mothers, fear them, and hate them. On the one hand, they listen to their mothers in everything, but on the other hand, they don't want to admit their weakness. Therefore, Ma Bao men usually fall in love with strong and shrewd women.
And the more these women are cruel to him, the more he misses them. Even subconsciously, he wants his strong other half to clash with his mother, because he wants to rebel against both his strong mother and his shrewd wife.
This kind of subconscious "little ninety-nine" may not even be aware of Ma Baonan himself.
If you have been tormented by multiple partners of the same type for a long time, then the problem is definitely on you. If there is a family involved in the whole process, then the problem is also the way your family of origin gets along.
2 There is a girl who was pursued madly by the current before falling in love. But after the two have been together for two years, the girl's status in this relationship has been declining, and now she is disgusted by her boyfriend every day. But she was once proud and became more and more inseparable from this man.
During the Chinese New Year this year, she almost begged this man to go home with her to visit her parents, but this boy pushed back and made the girl sad.
My reply: A girl who longs to be recognized and accepted by her other half, in other words, a girl who lacks love. She is very easily deceived by scumbags with narcissistic personalities.
All people have a superficial personality and a deep personality, such as a narcissistic person. His superficial personality is enthusiastic, generous, and self-confident, so when he meets the girl he likes, he will engage in exaggerated performance-style pursuits.
And girls who lack love, they have never received unconditional love since they were young. Her parents love her because she studies well, and her elders like her because she is well-behaved, such a girl is easy to have a dream complex in her heart, and she hopes to have an excellent person in her bones who loves her unconditionally and saves her.
Therefore, girls who lack love are especially easy to be conquered by boys with this narcissistic personality. And girls who lack love look gentle and obedient on the surface, and are easily moved. But in fact, deep down they have a very strong sense of possessiveness and insecurity.
And the deep personality of the narcissistic personality is to only love yourself, only pay attention to your own feelings, if the world can't dance with him, then the world doesn't care, you get along with the narcissistic personality for a long time, the selfishness and coldness in their nature will come out.
When these two people meet together, it will be sweet for a while at first, but in the end, the girl who lacks love will be eaten and wiped clean by a man with a narcissistic personality. I've come across too many examples of this before.
There is a girl who also met a big scumbag, this boy seemed very calm and introverted at first, usually wearing a pair of gold-wire glasses, like a cold school bully. The girl fell right away, so she took the initiative to pursue the boy.
has been together for three years, and the progress of the relationship is not at all, the girls are becoming more and more hysterical, but the boys are used to escaping the Cold War and disappearing. In October, the girl cut her wrists and was saved by the landlord, and now the family is forcing the girl to break up with her boyfriend.
My reply: This is a typical case of an anxiously dependent personality encountering an avoidant attachment personality.
Many people with anxious attachment personality are usually very prone to internal friction, and their hearts will be a little weak, although they are kind and gentle, but their emotions fluctuate greatly, and they are easy to have extreme thoughts. She is not good at handling interpersonal relationships, especially when she disagrees with the friends around her, and it is difficult for her to properly handle this slightly antagonistic atmosphere.
Many people with anxious attachment personalities will be a little clingy after falling in love, and they want to prove that the other person loves them through the other party's constant feedback. In fact, this shows that they have no sense of security in their hearts, and they look up to and envy people who are emotionally stable and have a stable core.
So when they first meet someone with an avoidant attachment personality, they are attracted to the superficial personality of the avoidant attachment personality.
For example, many people who are avoidant attachment types do not care about anything on the surface, and sometimes they seem very calm about the world and have no expectations. It's not necessarily a good attitude, but it gives the impression that they're emotionally stable.
After these two personalities fall in love, they are calm and gradual at first. However, after getting along for a period of time, there is often a situation in which the anxious attachment personality is hysterical and evasive, and the attachment personality is silent and cold.
It is very likely that both parties are in love with each other, but they are always hurting each other.