From ancient times to the present, raising children is a great science.
The Three Character Classic" says: If you don't teach, your father's fault.
Lung Yingtai said: Child, you take your time.
In the new era, with the rapid spread of the Internet, we have come into contact with a lot of parenting methods, and we have also listed children's education in the first place in family life. However, in front of children, they are often helpless, especially parents with boys, who often feel scratched and unable to cope.
As the saying goes: there are boys in the family, but they often fall into the confusion of parenting problems;
A first-time mother, but she doesn't know how to balance love and letting go.
3 to 4 years old is "a little grinding spirit that people are tired of dogs", 6 to 12 years old is "an operator who angers the master", and after the age of 14, he becomes a "silent and rebellious alien", all kinds of bad things, how should a boy be raised? How do we educate this cool boy to grow into the man we expect from standing up to the sky?
The book "Raising Boys" shared with you today, combined with the various manifestations of boys' growth, starts from the root of the problem, and lights a bright light for us to raise boys:
Respect their growth patterns and learn to understand them.
The author of this book, Steve Bidalf, is a well-known Australian best-selling expert on parenting, an expert on family issues, providing education and parenting training for Australia's top boys' schools, and his parenting books have helped 5 million families around the world.
In this book, the author answers the key questions that a boy faces from birth to growing into a man.
Next, we will share the three key contents of the book, which are:Understanding Boys The three stages of a boy's development; Understanding Boys The problems that boys exhibit are influenced by hormones and brain structures; Helping Boys What parents, school, and society should do for boys at different stages.
1.Understanding Boys The three stages of a boy's development;
In life, mothers will always say: I conceived my child in October, and who else knows my child better than me.
But when this naughty little boy challenges your patience again and again and makes your scalp tingle, have you ever wondered why? Do you know what they really need, how and when you want to give?
In the book, the author points out that boys' growth needs to go through three stages, and only when we fully understand the necessary stages of boys' growth, and according to the characteristics of boys at each stage, can we better give corresponding love and guidance.
The first stage is fromUntil 6 years old, it is love.
This is the best time for a boy to grow up, and the author calls it the "tender years."
At the beginning of their lives, they don't care whether they are boys or girls, the gender difference is not very big, and their fragile little lives need the love and care of their parents wholeheartedly, that is to say, from this time, parents will begin to save the first love in the emotional piggy bank of the parent-child relationship.
Boys in the age group of 0 to 6 years are more dependent on their mothers, and despite the importance of fathers, boys prefer to stay with their mothers, who are more likely to form a special intimacy with their children.
As we have seen, the child is generally carried by the mother after birth, because out of the nature of maternal love, first, the mother is willing to take care of the child, and secondly, through breast milk and caresses, the mother can be in close contact with the child and can give the child the greatest comfort. Therefore, mothers need to love their children more gently, so that children will feel safe, their brains will be calm, and children who grow up in love will gain more ability to love and prefer to cooperate with others.
Kindergarten is the first time that children are separated from their families and exposed to an unfamiliar environment, and boys will be more anxious because of separation than girls, and they will think that their parents don't want them anymore, and they are easily irritable and crying. Therefore, we try not to let children enter kindergarten before the age of 3.
The first ** deposit of love: the mother is gentle, the father is kind.
The second stage, from 6 to 13 years old, is to try.
As the child grows up day by day, by the age of 6 or so, you will find that the boy has changed and become more like a "man".
The house is full of Ultraman, armored warriors, all kinds of guns and knives, golden hoop sticks, and mecha equipment, and from time to time I can see them holding monsters and Ultraman, putting on a waiting pattern, imagining a battle that is about to break out, and roaring loudly.
At this stage, boys are still dependent on their mothers, but their interests have changed, because they are adventurous, and their hero-worshipping nature will make them pay more and more attention to what men should have, and they will start to become interested in their fathers, and they will try to transform into men, and they will learn more about what it takes to become real men, and at this time they will take up the idea of the man around them, and make their father interested in them by creating a series of problems.
The second ** deposit of love: fatherManyAccompaniment, mother's continuous care.
The third stage is from the age of 14 to adulthood, which is transformation.
When I go to middle school, I will gradually find that my child becomes less inclined to talk to himself, and what his parents say will always be twisted and unable to listen to .....
It is not difficult to find that boys' adolescence is the most problematic stage, and although every boy is very different, boys at this stage have one thing in common: argumentative, restless, and moody. At the same time, their interests are shifting and they are turning more to the outside world.
For 14-16 year old boys, they don't always listen to their parents, and their parents have to build a bridge between their children and the outside world, and find a suitable guide. This guide should be able to correctly channel the child's psychology and give correct guidance on behalf of the parents, so that the child will not make some fatal mistakes without the attention of adults.
The third ** deposit of love: parents let go appropriately and look for a matchSuitableGuide people.
2.Understanding Boys The problems that boys exhibit are influenced by hormones and brain structures;
Everything has roots, and there are various manifestations of boys growing up.
All animals are female at the beginning of life, and it is the Y chromosome that allows the fetus to develop into a boy.
Hormones are products of the secretion of the Y chromosome, it accompanies the boy throughout his life, and if we understand it, we can understand the child.
*Hormones are produced in different amounts as boys grow and also cause different changes in boys at each stage.
By the time the child reaches 4 years old, the hormone has doubled, and the boy begins to become mischievous and active, and will be more interested in combat, heroic behavior, and adventure games.
At the age of 11 to 13, the hormone rises sharply again, reaching 8 times the previous one. Under the action of powerful hormones, children's limbs grow violently, the brain system is reorganized, and they often fall into a chaotic life, sluggish, wooden, and unplanned.
At the age of 14, ** hormones reach their highest value, sexual characteristics, sexual consciousness begins, and restlessness is always accompanied by boys.
To sum up, every behavior of a boy is the result of the action of ** hormones, and when they are jumping and naughty, we have to understand him more; As they begin their transition to adolescence, we need to care more about him.
Another thing that needs our attention is the difference in brain structure between boys and girls. We often see that boys are usually not as good as girls in terms of expression and coordination when they are in elementary school, because the development of boys' brains is slower, and secondly, there is less connection between the language and sensory areas of boys' brains. The right hemisphere of the boy's brain will be more developed, and their hands-on ability will be stronger, so we need to talk to them more and tell stories to enhance their comprehension and language skills.
3.Helping Boys What parents, school, and society should do for boys at different stages.
In order to make each boy have the excellent qualities of being positive, brave, responsible, and daring to take responsibility, so that the world has more good men, we should unite the family and school, and work hard to create a fertile soil for growth.
Parents giveContinuousof love
We often say that the father is the pillar of the family, and the mother is the sunflower of the family. The father's pattern, the mother's emotions are crucial for the family. What a family can give children a sense of security is not how much the father has achieved and how strong the mother is, on the contrary, the father's firmness and kindness, and the mother's gentleness and calmness can bring the greatest wealth to the child.
Let them feel the love of their parents before the age of 3 and try not to be separated from them;
When they are 11 to 13 years old, their mothers should cultivate good living habits, tidy up their rooms, do housework, and get more good communication in the process of working together. Father gives more "little things" to accompany and play games together.
When you reach the age of 14, you can't just scream at this time, you have to accept them, and lead by example, so that they can see the power of an example.
In addition, boys are usually overenergetic, and parents can direct their energy to sports. Healthy exercise can not only strengthen the body, but also shape children's tenacious character and improve their ability to work together. But in moderation, we must guide them to deal with this matter calmly, not to cause physical harm to the body by blindly pursuing victory, and to avoid learning some unhealthy things from some immature men, such as aggression, selfishness, and alcoholism.
The school becomes a vibrant playground
In addition to the family, the children also spend a lot of time in school, if the school can negotiate with the parents according to the actual situation of the boys, to see if the children need to enroll a year later; If schools can bring in more qualified male teachers, give boys male encouragement, and set male role models; If schools can improve the school system, prevent school bullying, create a vibrant education, and help children unleash their passion. Then the child will grow up happier and better.
Society builds a good network
When children reach a certain age, they begin to go out into the outside world. They need to have the right outlook on behavior, someone to guide them, they need to have a healthy network support from all walks of life, appropriate and beneficial social activities can help boys become better men, can make our parents feel at ease to hand over their children to them, and can also let children find a sense of value and identity in the process of growing up.
Write at the end
The book "Raising Boys" mainly writes about the three stages that boys must go through in the process of growing up, as well as the reasons for these three stages and what our parents should do at each stage. The secret that teaches us to raise boys is:Respect their growth patterns and learn to understand them.
Each boy is a unique being, they are aggressive but not lacking in bravery, they are noisy but sunny, they are adventurous but compassionate.
Knowing them and then accepting them, understanding them and helping them, let love always accompany their growth, and store enough love in the emotional piggy bank, so that every boy has enough courage to face the wind and rain of the world and grow into the man we expect.