"There will always be sacrifices."
This year's Chinese New Year, I don't want to go home.
It's just that I think it's boring to go home, because the group of friends who grew up together got married one by one last year. I realized that when a person chooses to get married, most people will default to the fact that they are downplaying the other relationships.
I've always felt wrong, but I've always strengthened it.
For example, when I go home, I will take the initiative to find an unmarried person to play, and when my friends call me after marriage, I will also half-push and half-push.
There are two reasons, one is the influence of traditional culture.
After getting married, they must be very busy, they have to go to relatives, take care of children, have to be sophisticated, all kinds of busy, not as idle as you.
We were all taught that way, and eventually this notion evolved"They didn't have time to take care of us when they got married." Then I won't look for them, so I don't have to trouble them.
Here's a real-life example:
On the morning of returning to Guangzhou, a friend took the child to my house to play.
I said I'll take you to Aunt xx, my mother's first reaction after hearing it was:"Newlyweds, don't always bother people. ”
Without bothering, it is strengthened again.
The second reason is that I slowly feel that we can't talk together.
After marriage, the in-laws, children, and married life are generally these topics. I can't interject and I'm not interested.
Later, I compared myself, and I felt that staying on topics that I wasn't interested in was consuming me, and that it was better to concentrate on my own business.
So, a lot of relationships, with the blessing of these situations, are diluted.
I've actually talked to my friends before:
"If I don't take the initiative to find her because she's married, isn't that fair? What if she wants to play with me, but she doesn't dare to come to me because I don't take the initiative to find her? Isn't it cool to have a good relationship? ”Friend said:"It's her choice, it's not up to you, there must always be sacrifices."
I don't think so.
"She is no longer her".This assertion turns marriage into the antithesis of all relationships.
Choosing marriage and family means giving up or diluting other relationships;
All things, all people should give in for the sake of marriage;
Looking at it this way, marriage is not like a pampered and proud child. It says you have to let me do everything, and it says I don't want you to associate with anybody.
It makes all sorts of unreasonable demands, and then people gladly accept them.
That's where I find it unreasonable.
I don't want to give in to things that don't make sense, but when I can't change, I stay away.
On the day of Ah Fei's wedding, I told Xiaoyu that I was a little sad.
The little fish comforted me:"She's still her".
This sentence seems simple, but the more you chew, the more flavorful it becomes.
Yes, I don't feel sad if I'm "she's still her".
After getting married, there are several more layers of identity, namely wife, daughter-in-law, and mother. But these identities should not be a stumbling block for "she is still her".
She can still be herself, after becoming a mother and a wife, she can be herself with some concessions (being completely herself is ideal, and there should be compromises in any relationship), which is a healthy relationship.
After all, before we become any character, we are first and foremost myself.
We don't need to be who we are or what we accomplish, our existence itself is a value.
These two ideas have been running through my life philosophy for the rest of my life, so much so that I am afraid of being coerced and losing myself in marriage.
Because in the existing system, once you enter marriage, it is difficult for her to be her again.
When I'm alone, I'm not going to be easily changed, but when I do get into that situation, I can't help but be scared.
It's not that I don't choose, it's the culture and behavior that push me out.
I wish you ordinaryGood luck with a long flowering period
When friends get married one by one, parents and relatives like to say something:"When they're all married, what do I think you'll do? ”
Actually, almost all of them are married, and I'm still fine.
Teacher Shen Yifei said:"It's already a very lucky thing to have someone who can walk you through your life for two or three years. ”
There is a sentence on today's hot search:"If you want absolute freedom, you have to endure relative loneliness. ”
I think both of these sentences make perfect sense.
"When the person who has been with you for a few years leaves, will it be sad? ”"Absolutely".
Sadness is a natural emotion, and leaving is an inevitable consequence.
I still want to say that in life, people must learn to enjoy sadness and enjoy loneliness.
Happy, sad, lively, lonely, you can be self-consistent in these situations, which can be regarded as living up to life.
Moreover, people can't have both and more, choose freely, there will inevitably be lonely time, just accept it.
At last. I ended with a very romantic sentence, which I think is very romantic and kind-
"Whether you have me in the future or not, I want you to take good care of yourself. ”
I would like to replace this sentence with:
"Whether you have me in the future or not, I hope that your choice is right, I hope you are happy, happy to be yourself. ”I wish you ordinary
Good luck with a long flowering period