Manure tank:
Please forgive me for calling you a dung tank for the time being, because I really can't remember if your name is Feng Gang or Feng Gang.
I have called you a dung tank since I was a child, and now the WeChat note I give you is also a dung tank. Even so, I don't have the slightest malice or ridicule towards you, just like you call me a monkey all day long.
You and I grew up together, although you have to call me grandpa and I have to call you grandson according to generation.
This kind of disparity in seniority is not my reason, nor is it your reason, we are the same ancestor, just because your family has developed too fast, resulting in the current disparity in generation, you should be proud.
Even so, I never considered myself a grandfather, I treated you like a brother.
I didn't give you this nickname, please don't blame me. I remember when we were in elementary school in the village, my classmates already called you dung tank, which may have something to do with your name, Feng Gang (Gang) and the dung tank to be honest read a bit like (laughing and crying), you can be nicknamed without much effort.
After you receive the letter, please make it clear to me whether your name is Feng Gang or Feng Gang, and I will note your real nickname in the future.
The reason why I am writing this letter to you today is because yesterday you sent me a message saying that your father opened a ** for you after drinking a little wine, urging you to find a partner to marry quickly, if you really can't find it, let your aunt who likes to be a matchmaker introduce you to one.
You told your dad that you didn't want to find a partner for the time being, and your dad asked you why, and you said you didn't know, but you just didn't want to find it. Then your father gets angry and criticizes you a few times, and you talk back, and you and your father quarrel.
Your father said what is the use of raising your son, he has been floating outside for months as an adult, he doesn't know what he is doing, he doesn't let go of a fart at work, and he doesn't earn much money, not only can he not count on anything in the family, he has no daughter-in-law in his thirties, your cousin is already fighting for three children, and his peers in the village as big as him have been grandfathers for several years.
You told your father that you wanted your grandson to be born on his own. Your father is even more angry, scolding you little bastard, saying that your mother has spoiled you since childhood.
Your mother scolded your father on the side for letting him fart less, and after drinking some horse urine, he didn't know what his last name was, nonsense. Your dad dropped the phone in a fit of rage.
Reading the message you sent, I have mixed feelings.
On the one hand, memories come flooding up in my heart, remembering that your father loves to drink and after drinking, he is open-mouthed, loves to play drunk, and causes trouble.
I remember when I was a child, we were still in elementary school in the village, and one afternoon we were playing with glass balls at the mouth of the alley, and the fool Wubao in our village was watching from the sidelines, and while watching us play, he clapped his hands and shouted: "Good play!" Well played! ”
Do you remember the Five Panthers? It's the one who has been stupid since he was a child, I remember he had to be thirty or forty years old at that time, and he should be about the same age as our parents.
At this time, your father came from afar, drank a lot, hiccuped, his eyes were foggy, he walked crookedly, and when he passed by the dung heap of Haiguan's house, he almost fell into it, and scolded him at the gate of Haiguan's house: "Heap dung at the door all day long, give your family three days, and if you don't clear it for me, I will let you eat it in the dung roll pancakes!" ”
When your father came over and saw the five leopards jumping and screaming, he spat in his face and said, "You fool, what are you calling?" You know what a! I don't care about you! ”
As a result, because of this spit, the fool Five Leopards suddenly became a madman Five Leopards, jumped up more than a meter high, and suddenly choked your father's neck with his hand, and your father was pressed to the ground by him before he could react.
The five leopards pinched your father's neck with both hands, your father was facing the sky on his back, he couldn't shout with his mouth open, and he couldn't get angry, he rolled his eyes, and his hands and feet were scratching and kicking in the air, and he was about to be strangled to death by the five leopards.
I remember we both were scared stupid, and the wood didn't dare to move. I thought your father was going to die at the hands of fools.
Fortunately, at this time, the third brother of the five leopards came out with a lame arm and saw it, and kicked the five leopards out.
After the five leopards were kicked out, they seemed to have suddenly woken up from a dream, their eyes looked around in a panic, and the energy in their bodies just now was suddenly gone, and they sat there stupidly like deflated balloons, their lips kept trembling, and their saliva flowed downward, as if to say, "What happened?" ”
When the lame saw his brother like this, he was furious and said, "Get out of here!" I'll clean you up when I go back. ”
So saying, he gave the five leopards another kick, and the fool hurriedly got up from the ground and ran home with a puff of smoke.
Your dad hasn't woken up yet, foaming at the mouth and rolling his eyes.
Seeing this, the lame arm pinched your father, shouted your father's name, slapped your father's face with his hand, and sent him artificial respiration.
After a while, your father finally woke up, gasping for breath, and making a sound like a dog eating a bone and getting stuck, and he couldn't spit it out, and he couldn't swallow it.
Your father rolled to the left, coughing vigorously, and the left side of his face pressed against the yellow earth, tears and sweat beads and snot and dust mixed together, turning black.
The lame arm hurriedly helped your father up, and apologized: "Uncle, are you okay?"How did the leopard go crazy?”
Your father was speechless, waved his hand, signaled that it was all right, and carried him home with a lame arm.
Your dad is the only person I've ever seen who can drive the fool five leopards crazy.
I still remember a lot of interesting things about your father after drinking, so let's talk about it later.
What I want to talk about today is another thing, which is about finding a partner to marry.
When it comes to finding a partner to marry, I understand your feelings very well, because we are the same age, you are a single, and I am also a single.
It can be said that we are connected by the same fate.
After reading the message you sent, I feel that I have a lot of things in my heart that I want to say to you, but I clicked on the input box, looked at the pinyin nine-square grid but didn't know where to start, and I didn't type a word for a long time, and I fell into contemplation for a long time with my mobile phone.
The anxiety and anxiety of not being able to express my inner thoughts caused by your news made me toss and turn in bed and couldn't sleep.
At almost twelve o'clock in the evening, I got out of bed, put on my clothes, lit a cigarette and went to the balcony.
The night of twelve o'clock is still a little noisy, there are still a lot of vehicles on the road in front of the community, and from time to time there are motorcycle parties driving motorcycles whistling by, and the piercing engine sound pierces the night sky, which makes people feel scolded.
Some bird poop fell on the air conditioner hanging on the outer wall, which was pulled by the pigeons raised by the uncle on the first floor, looking at the bird feces on the first floor, I was even more irritable, thinking that the next time I met him, I would have to talk to him well, can you not casually, take care of your birds.
Suddenly, an inspiration hit me. Pigeons?Flying pigeon biography?Why don't I write down what is on my mind?First, I think I can express my heart better through writing, because I used to have the habit of writing a diary, and I wrote letters with my junior high school classmates for a period of time in high school. Second, I think it's always a bit weird for two big men to send WeChat all day long. So, I decided to write to you.
After getting off work at noon today, when Wang Dengbul, the manager of our production department and the director of the workshop, and I went to the noodle restaurant opposite the factory to drink noodles, there happened to be a postal courier sitting opposite me.
I asked him if anyone had sent any letters, and he said that there were, but not much. I said do you want to stuff the letter in the mailbox now?He said yes, you can go straight to the post office, but now there are fewer mailboxes than before, and if you don't look for them, you may not be able to find them.
Hearing him say this, I thought it was true, I didn't seem to have seen a mailbox for a long time.
I asked him if the nearest mailbox near my factory and the neighborhood where I lived was in **, and he told me. He asked me if I wanted to send a letter, and I said no, I'll help someone find out.
I don't want him to know that I want to send a letter.
Then he said that if he sent a letter, he could stuff it in the mailbox, and they now open it once a day and send it away the next day. You can also contact them to pick up the letter, which is a little more expensive, in addition to the stamps, you have to add a service fee of five yuan, but it will be faster to send it away on the same day. There is also a way to send express, without stamps, is to send together with the express package, the cost is more expensive, eight yuan in the province, twelve outside the province.
Then I asked him how much it cost to send stamps to other provinces, and he said that the inside of the port is also the eight cents in the city, and the outside of the port is also one piece of two outside the city. When I asked where to buy stamps, he said the post office was there. I asked him what time the post office closes at night, and he said six.
He also told me that the recipient's address must be clearly written, and if you don't leave it, the letter will be sent to the post office on the recipient's side, and the recipient needs to pick it up by himself.
At half past five in the afternoon, I said hello to Wang Dengbulb and said that I had something to do and left early. He said just go, I'll keep an eye on it for you, who hasn't had anything to do, right?
He raised his head and motioned for me to go quickly, so that the factory director would not see it.
The reason why he is so happy, I think it's because I paid for him to eat noodles at noon.
I rode to the post office and arrived at 5:50. After entering, I saw that the little girl at the front desk was already packing up her things and getting off work.
I said that I will buy stamps, and the little girl was a little angry, and pointed to a beautifully bound stamp collection book on the counter and said, "Which set do you want to buy and see for yourself?" Hold on! ”
I opened the booklet and flipped through it, and found that it was full of sets of stamps, including animals, plants, and landscapes, and no beautiful women, and the price of each set was different, and the cheapest one cost a few hundred yuan.
I told the little girl that I wanted a regular stamp that I could send a letter to, and she said how big would it be? How many?
I'm going to say five pieces of two. The beautiful woman skillfully tore five stamps out of a pile of stamps and threw them at me.
Six bucks! "When I got back to the rental house, I started writing.
Let's discuss something for you, in the future, except for particularly important things, don't send messages, and write a letter if you have something.
If you're free, give it back to me, and forget it if you're not free. We know the roots, we grew up taking off our pants, and I know what you know, but there's nothing to talk about.
As I write this, I suddenly remember one thing, and that is that I haven't bought the envelope yet. See, it's quite troublesome to write a letter!
Moreover, I find it really difficult to write with a pen now, please ignore my calligraphy and crossed out typos.
It's already past two o'clock in the morning, so I'll go buy a few envelopes tomorrow, and then I'll write down my thoughts about finding a partner to marry in the evening, and send them to you the day after tomorrow.