Chen Hefang. What is the performance of repressive education（2023-12-31）
"Suppression" is an abbreviation of "crackdown" and "repression", and does not discuss issues such as "who is suppressing", "what is suppressed", "how to suppress" and "what are the consequences". But as the word "repression" suggests, it is clearly a destructive rather than constructive education that "discourages motivation" and "suppresses growth." According to the division of "repressive methods", there are five manifestations of repressive education.
PUA: Suppressing self-confidence and cultivating imbeciles
PUA-type repression" is a natural growth that hits and suppresses self-confidence, and parents directly and rudely criticize it. Examples of corresponding parent words are as follows:
The grass is so poorly colored, you are really careless".
You can't play with Xiao Ming, you're short and small and you have to avoid him."
You can't build the blocks well, you're really clumsy."
You can't play football, you run slowly, don't try to play sports".
If you can't learn the bamboo flute, you are not qualified to play **".
You can't go to ** travel, don't be pretentious and choose remote areas".
Don't choose liberal arts, you can't be a white-collar worker if you read too little."
These discourses cover aesthetic education, physical education, intellectual education, comprehensive education, as well as practical social networking and tourism, covering the basic aspects of children's education. However, the above words will suppress children's self-efficacy, and cultivate them into "imbeciles" full of inferiority complex and shame, and parents will act as "judges" who "predict failure" or "prevent in advance" in the unique way of "high criticism" under the pretext of "don't be reckless", depriving children of successful experience, and suppressing and harming the talent and growth of "self-confidence".
In order to reduce "PUA-type" suppression, parents need to learn the parenting principle of "full praise", and let their children return to self-confidence through the method of "liking progress and encouraging them in time". Every child needs to be full of self-confidence, he doesn't even need to be very good, but there is always his own shining point, parents should not extinguish their light, but should ignite hope for his life.
Brain substitution: Suppressing self-determination and cultivating puppeteers
"Brain-substituted repression" is the fight against opinions and the suppression of autonomy, and parents directly direct the action. Examples of corresponding parent words are as follows:
It is wrong to paint the grass blue-green, and the grass should be green."
You can't play with Xiao Ming, Xiao Hong is more suitable to be friends".
It's not right for you to build blocks like this, you have to build them according to the method I taught."
You can't play football, you can only grow taller if you play basketball."
You can't learn the bamboo flute, you have to learn vocal music if you have a good voice."
You can't go to ** tourism, developed areas have more cultural connotations".
If you can't choose liberal arts, science and engineering are easier to get into."
Under the pretext of "wisdom sharing" and the unique way of "high control", parents act as "brain substitutes" and "decision-makers" who "analyze and judge" and "set the path", depriving children of their decision-making experience and suppressing and harming the talent and growth of "decision-making".
In order to reduce the suppression of "brain substitute", parents need to learn the parenting principle of "independent decision-making", and let their children be decisive through the method of "being invited to speak and respecting decision-making". Every child needs to be decisive, he doesn't even need to be brave in his heart, but he always has his own choice, parents should not prevent him from choosing, but should encourage and help him activate his brain.
Hand substitution: suppressing self-reliance and cultivating people with disabilities
"Hand-substituted suppression" is to crack down on self-care and self-reliance, and parents directly do it on their behalf. Examples of corresponding parent words are as follows:
Don't paint the grass, it will stain your hands".
You can't play with Xiao Ming, he will run around and bump into you."
Don't build blocks, it's better to rest than to spend your hands and brains."
You can't play football, you're going to get hurt."
If you can't learn the bamboo flute, you'll be out of breath if it's too hard."
You can't go ** traveling, altitude sickness hurts the body".
Don't choose liberal arts, it's inconvenient for us to arrange a job for you."
These words will suppress children's self-care ability and self-reliance, and cultivate them into "disabled people" who are lazy and dependent on their parents to raise them.
In order to reduce the "hand-to-hand" suppression, parents need to learn the parenting principle of "self-care and self-reliance", and let their children live competently by "taking a back seat and drawing a clear line". Every child needs to be competent in life, he doesn't even need to be dexterous, but he always has his own strategy package, and parents should not prohibit him from exercising, but should encourage and guide him to free his hands and feet.
Utilitarianism: suppressing oneself and cultivating tool people
"Utilitarian suppression" is to crack down on subjectivity and suppress self-growth potential, and parents directly limit the target. Examples of corresponding parent words are as follows:
I can color the grass, and I must become a painter when I grow up."
You can't play with Xiao Ming, his poor grades will bring you badly."
Don't play with blocks, wasting time will delay learning".
If you can't play football, it will affect your academic performance."
If you can't learn the bamboo flute, you have to hurry up and learn it."
You can't go to ** travel, and you have to go to a big city to accumulate essay materials".
Don't choose liberal arts, science and engineering can make a lot of money."
Under the pretext of "getting ahead" and in the unique way of "high desire", parents act as "beneficiaries of "predicting values" and "setting goals", depriving children of multiple trial experiences, and suppressing and harming their talent and growth of "exploration and construction".
In order to reduce "utilitarian" suppression, parents need to learn the parenting principle of "being themselves", and let their children live their own lives through the way of "being indifferent to fame and fortune and accepting diversity". Every child needs to live his or her own life, he doesn't even need to be gifted, but he always has his own right to dominate, and parents should not encroach on his power, but should allow him to find another way.
Rewards and punishments: suppress self-drive and cultivate hollow people
"Reward and punishment suppression" is to combat and suppress self-motivation ability, and parents directly reward and punish intervention. Examples of corresponding parent words are as follows:
The grass is very well colored, rewarding you with 10 minutes of playing with your phone".
You can't play with Xiao Ming, otherwise 10 minutes of playing with your phone will be deducted."
If you succeed in building blocks, you will be rewarded with buying a new one."
Participate in a football training session and reward you with 20 yuan".
Take a bamboo flute course and reward you with 30 yuan."
If you go on a ** tour with us, you will be rewarded with 20 hours of mobile time".
If you choose to study science and engineering, you will be rewarded with 20,000 yuan of pocket money."
On the one hand, parents' rewards are constantly failing to riseOn the other hand, the abuse of punishment in schools, whether it is improper posture, irregular hand raising, hand-to-ear, chasing and running, eating snacks, carrying prohibited items, or late submission of homework, copying homework, failing exams, not studying seriously, etc., all "non-standard behaviors" must be criticized and punished, and teachers' punishments are also intensified because of continuous failure. Whether it is the misuse and abuse of rewards and punishments at home or school, they all suppress children's self-motivation ability, cultivate them into "hollow people" who lose motivation, and act as "drivers" of "reward, inducement" and "punishment and prevention" under the pretext of "traction growth" and in the unique way of "short-term and fast", depriving children of their natural selection experience, and causing suppression and harm to their "self-guidance and motivation" talent and growth.
In order to reduce the "reward and punishment" suppression, parents need to learn the principle of "self-driven" parenting, and let their children grow naturally through the way of "reducing external forces and filling the heart". Every child needs to grow naturally, he doesn't even need to be knowledgeable, but he always has his own rhythm, and parents should not go against their own rules, but should promote and protect his self-discipline.
The "problems", "examples" and "improvements" of the above five types of repressive education are summarized as follows:
Focusing on the present, there are all kinds of "suppressive" education in reality, which leads to children's general "lack of self-confidence", "lack of decision", "lack of self-reliance", "lack of self" and "lack of motivation". "Repressive education" is no longer "beating children" and "scolding children" in the narrow sense of the past, but is more insidious and more far-reaching, and the above-mentioned types of repressive education hinder the healthy growth of children.
Looking to the future, Chinese children in the era of digital intelligence must establish the "five haves" growth goals. One is to have dreams and be able to appreciate oneself based on one's multiple intelligencesThe second is to have a mind, fully activate the brain function and be good at analyzing and making decisions;The third is to have hands and feet, and have the interest and ability to solve practical problems by hand;Fourth, be creative and find a new and unique path in life;Fifth, be motivated, relentlessly pursue the desired goals based on attraction and a sense of achievement. The ideal future calls on parents to stop "suppression" and lead their children to create a better future, so that they are qualified to "nourish a lifetime with a happy childhood".