In modern society, parents' "urging giving" has become a phenomenon. Their dedication and love for their children is often accompanied by pressure and demand, which makes them feel deeply confused. However, this parental behaviour has a series of negative consequences.
1. Loss of students' autonomy
Excessive parental attention and control can lead to a lack of self-decision-making ability. They are Xi to relying on parents' instructions and requirements, and do not dare to think and act independently. In this way, when faced with problems and dilemmas, they cannot trust their own judgment and choices, resulting in a lack of self-confidence.
2. Students' coping skills are insufficient
Parents' urging and demands can lead to excessive anxiety and stress in students, making it impossible to effectively manage their emotions and cope with problems. They lack the ability to solve problems independently, and they tend to give up or rely on the help of others when they encounter difficulties, so they are unable to develop independent thinking and problem-solving skills.
3. Tensions in family relationships
Parents' "urging giving" can easily lead to tension and alienation in family relationships. Children feel helpless and pressured by their parents' behavior that they dare not do for themselves, and gradually become resistant, and even choose to stay away from the family and seek an independent and free life. This sense of alienation can have many negative effects on the family, such as lack of communication, family estrangement, etc.
There are two main reasons why parents become "creditors": first, parents expect to be rewarded for their efforts in raising their children;The second is the deep-rooted feudal mentality.
1. Expect to be rewarded
Parents spend a lot of time, energy and money in the process of raising their children, and they are eager to see their children's growth and rewards, and they hope that their children can give them corresponding feedback and care. However, this way of expecting too much and emphasizing rewards can lead to children feeling stressed and constrained, making it difficult to express their needs and emotions authentically.
2. The influence of feudal thought
Some parents deeply believe that raising offspring is to "prevent old age", and only pursue filial piety and return for their children, while ignoring the original intention of loving their children. This kind of feudal thinking makes parents lack trust and understanding of their children, and always elevates the relationship to a "debt relationship", requiring their children to "repay debts", which deepens the children's alienation and resistance to the family.
In order to change the negative impact of "urging giving", parents need to change their mindset and establish a good family relationship with their children. Here are some specific suggestions:
1. Establish a foundation of mutual trust and respect
Parents should respect their children's individuality, needs and choices, and understand their independent rights and decision-making abilities. At the same time, it is also necessary to create an open and fair family atmosphere for children, encourage them to express their own views and opinions, and cultivate their independent thinking ability.
2. Cultivate children's independence
Parents should give their children appropriate autonomy and responsibility to solve problems and cope with challenges independently. Parents can help them build an independent and confident personality by cultivating their self-care skills and encouraging them to participate in social practice and team activities.
3. Establish good communication channels
Parents should maintain good communication with their children, care about their growth and needs, and understand their confusion and struggles. Parents can provide timely advice and guidance when facing problems and decision-making, but they should also give their children the right to make their own decisions, so that they can learn to take responsibility and consequences.
I do see some parents around me who treat their children with "urgatory giving". They place too much emphasis on reciprocation and filial piety, making it impossible for their children to truly express their needs and emotions. Such a family atmosphere makes people feel nervous and depressed, and children lack a sense of autonomy and independent thinking.
Through rethinking and analysis, I believe that family relationships should be based on mutual trust, respect and independence. Parents should give their children more autonomy and responsibility, and encourage them to think independently and solve problems. At the same time, parents also need to listen to their children's voices, understand their needs and confusions, and give appropriate support and guidance. Only in this way can families build true affection and trust, so that their children can be confident and motivated in their independent development.