Original article No. 275.
Recently, I can always hear the screaming and scolding of neighbors (mothers of children) and the crying of children. I don't know why, but their windows are still open in the winter.
Sometimes it is rhythmic, and the mother and child call together. Presumably, the mother is violent, and the child is being beaten, beaten, and howled.
The time is basically fixed at two time periods, 10 o'clock in the evening and around 7 o'clock in the morning. Based on experience, it may be a problem with the completion of homework and a frustration in waking up in the morning.
Once my son said, "Mom, you might as well go to their house." I thought about it too, but in the end I held back. I thought about myself as just a neighbor, and it wouldn't be useful if they (including my dad) knew I was a counselor.
People who come to my studio for consultation are paid, and even if they do, even if what I say is easy to understand and concise, they may not be able to listen to it, for example, the content includes "how can you do it, then you can come to me a few times later, that's not to save money!".”
But you find out, it's useless.
When they are emotionally upset, I suddenly appear that I can't solve any problems, and maybe even add fuel to the fire. Because when people are excited, rational thinking is in a state of inhibition, and primitive thinking is running around, which means that I may also be scolded with their children. It doesn't matter, I was looking for scolding, but I can't solve the problem.
If you see a leader in the hallway one morning with a black face, it's not that you've done anything wrong, it's that the leader has been wronged elsewhere, or that he or she just had a challenge at home.
If you encounter a neighbor downstairs with a drooping face, it is not because you rushed to pick up the parcel at the courier locker yesterday, but because he was subjected to some suppression at home. Generally speaking, everyone's emotions are generalized, but to different degrees.
If you have just fought a battle at home, and your face is like Guan Gong, and when you walk out of the house, you will immediately see a peony blooming on your face, then you need to think about whether there is something wrong with the brain hardware.
I didn't go because I assumed that they were all normal people. There is another situation, it is a normal person, but the moment he sees me, out of the instinct of a social person, he must first put aside the current anger and switch to the state of a social person, at least the violent eyeballs under the anger have to be withdrawn a little bit. That's the challenge.
If their internal strength does not reach this level, the result is straightforward, then I am the one who is implicated. If their internal force is practiced to the point where their expressions can be switched freely, then after I leave, the level of violence that the child will face next will be increased by one level, because when you press the ball underwater, how much force you press down** is how much force.
That ** force, the child suffered it for me, how can it be good?
So, I can't go.
Unless there is a kind of person who does not need to speak with the weight of pressure and power status, and is not negotiable and overrides you. That's the police. In China, parents beat (discipline) their children, as long as they are not so naked that even a fool can see that someone is about to die, the police will not take action lightly. So there is no solution to this problem.
It's just that what parents don't know is that they have planted a mine in the future. This thunder is very weird, you buried it yourself, and you buried it at home, but you don't know exactly where it is buried, you don't know when it will, you don't know under what circumstances it will explode, you don't know how powerful it is, and you don't know what it can destroy the whole family into and how long it lasts.
Hitting and scolding children is the simplest way to educate them, which is the ability of the primitive brain, which will occur when human civilization has not yet been civilized, and is the result of the unevolved and perfect brain. Respecting people and paying attention to ways and means are the abilities that were developed later.
Treating children in a simple and rough way is a manifestation of the inertia of parents, that is, they don't want to use their brains, because they are tired of using their brains. Of course, it is easy for people to walk on straight roads, but you should always pay more attention to winding paths.
But some things are not just lazy. When they educate their children, they don't know if they think that they are the ones who need to be educated urgently. It's not uncommon to hear the phrase "we're all first-time parents."
The implication: because he has no experience, he should be forgiven.
Haven't you ever been a child?If you substitute for the child in front of you back then, how do you think it is more appropriate for parents to communicate with you?
All debts must be repaid in the future, and all simple and crude debts must be redoubled with meticulousness and care in the future.
An adult's eyes may bury his entire old age. If we don't have any remorse for the fists we once smashed, then one day, these "fists" will fall into your heart.
He Xiangqun, founder of Ningbo Xiangqun Psychology Studio, full-time psychological counseling work, and member of the Chinese Psychological Society's science popularization expert database.