1, Female: Husband, you can pick me up after work later. It's going to be hard to get a taxi"
M:"Wife, I happen to have something to do, you can go home by yourself!"
Female:"Husband, it's too dark, I'm a little scared.
M:"Wife, it's okay, black is just a color, nothing to be afraid of.
Female:"Oh!Husband, are you afraid of green?"
M:"Wife, you wait for me, I'll be there soon, I'll be there right away, I'......ll be there right away"
2, I was almost late for work today, I hit Didi, got in the car and found that it was my boss, he said with a serious face that you were going to be late, and I said with a hippie smile:"It's up to you to perform"。I was really late when I arrived at the company, and my boss deducted my salary, and I gave my boss a bad review!
3. Adjust monitoring.
I bought 650 yuan of beef today, and when I got home, I found that there was still 50 yuan to find me, I went back to him to ask for it, but people didn't admit it, so I asked for monitoring, and found that I didn't pay at all.
4, an ugly girl crossed the river with a monk in the same boat, and the monk inadvertently glanced at the ugly girl, and the ugly girl immediately lost her temper:"Boldly bald, dare to peek at a woman from a good family in broad daylight!"When the monk heard this, he was so frightened that he hurriedly closed his eyes. When the ugly girl saw it, she was even more angry:"You peek at me and don't count, you dare to close your eyes and think about me in your heart!"The monk couldn't reason with her, and twisted his face to the side.
The ugly girl was unforgiving, crossed her hands on her hips, and reprimanded loudly:"You think that seeing me without a face just means that you have a ghost in your heart!"
5. Recently, I met a Chinese medicine practitioner and chatted with him, and he suggested to me: in the future, I should exercise more, drink less carbonated drinks, not alcohol, drink more plain water, don't drive when I go out, and try to walk or take the bus!Eat less meat and more vegetarian ......I nodded: What the hell is wrong with me?He said, "Your income is too low......
6. One day, the teacher asked the children in class"What is a Hero?After a moment of silence, a weak voice said"It's Daddy".
The students laughed, and the teacher was curious"Why?"
The kid said:"Because my mother told me that my father went to a far, far away place to save the whole building in a fire......
7. Wife: Honey, don't you get bored when we talk about unnutritious topics?Wife: Oh, I ate eggs, vegetables, bananas, and apples at noon at the company today, how about it?Nutritious enough, right?It doesn't grow meat yet!
8. Saw a colleague and her five-year-old daughter on the street. Although it was the first time I had seen her, the cute little girl said that I wanted me to take her to the playground. I tease her:"Aren't you afraid that I'll sell you?"The little girl said"My mom said that she had a particularly ugly colleague who was the kindest, so it must be you. "I ......
9, "Anyway.""No matter where you use this word, it's full of negative energy and negative attitude, I don't know if you like to use it or not, anyway, I don't use it.
10, I went to my mother-in-law's house last night, and when I arrived, I saw my father-in-law standing outside the house and was very unhappy. Ask him what's wrong?He said they were arguing. I couldn't help but smile and knocked on the door, the door opened suddenly, and a basin of water rushed to my face, this was the first time my mother-in-law apologized to me, and she also emphasized three times, saying that it was not footwashing water.
11，"Judging by the way you look, you shouldn't be married yet, right?""Do I look young?""No, it's obscene. "A full man doesn't know that a hungry man is hungry, and a hungry man doesn't know how full a man is empty.
12, when I met with a blind date, he wanted to go on dating, but I didn't think it was suitable and declined. Which Cheng wanted to grab my hand and said: Let me return the money I bought to him, I said I won't confiscate it, why should I give you money?
This product: I bought the flower for 80 yuan, and it's useless to take it home, you have to give me money if you buy it for you!
13, Doctor:"Do you have a fever?"I ......"I felt like I had a low-grade fever, but I couldn't detect it on a thermometer. "Doctor:"If you are too fat and have thick fat, your body surface temperature will be lower, so you can't measure it. When you feel feverish, you already have a fever!"
14, my wife was on a business trip, and she just got home from work in the afternoon, and she called**:"Where are you?"I replied:"Home. "She said"Is it?Then you tell me how many potatoes are in the fridge?"Thankfully I didn't go out tonight, I opened the fridge and said, "Two." ""And what about eggplant?""Two too!"
What about green peppers?""I counted, one, two, three, four, four. "
That's okay, you fry three fresh, I'll be there right away.
Home!"15, the man mustered up the courage to confess to the goddess:"Did you know?I like to be alone. "
Female:"Oh, you like someone, then I'll go first. "
M:16, I:"Son, how many points did you score in this test?"The son's brow furrowed:"Dad, the next time you want to hit me, can you make another excuse?"
17, yesterday, I called ** to my cousin:"Sister, I invite you to the buffet!"
Cousin:"Still eating?The jade bracelet on my wrist was stuck and I couldn't take it off, and I had been on a diet for three days. "An hour later, my cousin called excitedly:"Where's the cafeteria?I just fell and the jade bracelet shattered!I'm an old pig!"
18, I fell in love with a girl in high school, and I pursued it hard but never came to fruition......At the end of my junior year of high school, I ran to the school gate early and waited at the door, but I never saw her.
I found out later: that day, she ran over the wall.
19, it rained last night and was idle, the family shouted to play mahjong, I was lucky, I had several ** in a row, my wife kept losing, and I owed me first when the money was lost.
I stretched out a finger in front of her once and saved five yuan, my wife slapped me and said if it was enough.
20, my son took the homework book and asked me to check. I looked at it, pointed to the notebook and said:"This word has a crooked waist, that word is missing a leg, your trauma is very serious!"said that the son was full of displeasure. After a while, my son corrected his homework. I looked at it and said happily:"Well, no trauma. "
Dad, did you get the question wrong?"。
I replied:"Son, I am a surgeon, only responsible for surgery, the wrong question belongs to internal medicine, go to your mother. "