Books:"The way of speaking without wronging yourself and not hurting others".
Author: Guy Win.
Publisher: Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences Press.
In life, there will always be complaints.
Why is the bus late? ”
Why is the driver driving so slow in the car today!”
Driving today, why is there a red light on every road!”
Complaining is the venting of dissatisfaction, but also the inner release of emotions, if the complaint as the main theme of life, we may fall into the whirlpool of negative emotions and find it difficult to extricate ourselves.
This book is to help us solve the problem of complaining, let us encounter things, neither let ourselves feel wronged, but also do not hurt others, let the negative emotions go away, and let the self-esteem and self-confidence come back.
Most of our complaints are just to confide, to vent our feelings, to vent our pain, and we need someone to listen to.
When complaining, we need an object that can empathize, whether the listener is from the heart, who can express sympathy for our predicament, and can give us an empathetic response, so that we can experience the liberation of the soul and the release of stress.
We don't control the listener, maybe the other party will agree with our current complaint and give comfort, maybe the other party does not agree with our current complaint, and the response given by the other party may become a secondary injury.
A safe guide to emotional catharsis that helps us reduce the probability of secondary injury.
When we need to complain, we can find our safe range to confide in and seek a response.
There are three conditions for this safe range of emotional catharsis:
1. Whether the person we confide in understands and supports us.
Second, is it appropriate to show understanding and support for the situation of the person we confide in?
3. Does the topic of complaining have anything to do with our listeners?
Expressing a complaint in a safe and empathetic situation is a way to relax your emotions and connect with each other.
Once we are sure that the environment is safe, how do we properly express our complaints?
The book provides an effective way to express grievances and make reasonable demands that can solve problems without harming physical and mental health, improve interpersonal relationships, and gain self-esteem and confidence.
I complain that the sandwich "the bread slice of the top layer is "a word to listen to".
The middle layer of meat in the middle of the "complaining sandwich" is "the complaint itself".
Complaining about sandwiches "The lowest bread is" digestive aid ". A digestive aid is all about closing a complaint with a positive statement.
If you listen to the words, you need to grasp the tone and anger well, so that the complaint recipient can more easily accept what we are going to say next, open the other party's ears, and reduce the degree of psychological resistance when the other party accepts the complaint.
The complaint itself is fact-based, and the description of the situation makes it sound like a request rather than a-for-tat prick.
Digestive aids are positive finishes that serve two purposes, first.
1. Be like sugar to make the other party happy to accept;Clause.
2. Increase the degree to which the other party solves this matter and propose some measures to improve it.
The "Complaining Sandwich" solution to complaining may seem fantastical at first, but after getting used to this expression, complaining can also make the results better and better.
I didn't get the results I wanted from my previous complaints, so next time, try the "Complaint Sandwich" and maybe there will be a surprise.
I like this way of speaking without wronging myself and at the same time not hurting others, the art of balance in speaking, which can be both.