I sometimes see ** abroad about educating children, often feeling this way - children abroad seem to be more confident;In comparison, our children are somewhat self-denying;At this time, I often think about the reasons for this, and I would like to share my personal opinion with you!
I remember watching one**, although the details are a little forgotten, probably the mother trained her child to swim **;Among them, the mother is a little hesitant to the child, about.
When he was two or three years old, he said over and over again, "You are excellent!".You are outstanding!You are unbeatable!You are full of talent!You are the pride of your mother!At the same time, the child kept repeating his mother's words.
Such words of recognition and praise continue to shock and shock my heart, what powerful words a mother gives to her child!These are the words that children need so much!This is also the word that my father lacks so much!
From this, I think of the rhetoric of parents in my country, which is mostly negative and demeaning, and this is how it is constantly poured into the self-esteem of our children;So that their hearts are gradually occupied and suppressed by such words, so that they are unable to develop themselves, and also delay the establishment of self-worth, which is the long-accumulated education problem of our parents!
One of the reasons for this is because we attach great importance to the moral development of children, and an important educational philosophy we uphold is that "humility makes people progress, and pride makes people lag behind".Therefore, we attach great importance to the formation of "modest" morality, which is the implementation of a good educational concept, but it has brought about a by-product - "repressive education"!
When the child makes progress, when we have not yet recognized and praised, we demand higher standards, and even suppress and belittle with words, in case the child is proud and carried away;This is the internal reason why parents treat each other with "coldness" or even "denial" when children deserve to be praised by their parents, although it is still because they love their children!
In this regard, we need to think about the following question: what is the purpose of the mother mentioned at the beginning of the article, who constantly instills information about her self-knowledge into her daughter's heart?
She is "building a positive and positive perception of herself". This is one of the responsibilities of parental education!
In order to achieve this goal, parents should seize the precious opportunity of their children's growth in life, and constantly confirm the "belief in self-worth" to the children's heartsAfter forming a positive and positive self-perception of young children, they can face various opportunities in life and retain this positive power, and at the same time, they can also win more opportunities and possibilities in the future
Under this premise, it can be seen that parents in our country rarely have this kind of "life education" cognition - "the establishment of self-confidence personality", which is the "forest" in the field of education;On the contrary, we often focus on the "trees" in the field of education, i.e. the acquisition of a certain aspect, such as "be humble", "do not praise the child, lest he be proud." ”；Therefore, our parents' education method is sometimes "only the trees, not the forest." ”
Although a child's "pride" needs to be guided, "pride" is a secondary problem when compared to "the establishment of a confident personality".Therefore, it is necessary to first build a life, and secondly, to prune unhealthy branches.
Therefore, the neglect of the more important and priority "life education" is the lag of our parents' education philosophy!
It's not that we don't know how to develop our children's self-confidence, but why are we so stingy about recognizing and praising our children?Such a praising of the child like gold?That's another question!
Because we follow the facts—if I really think that my child is just ordinary, not very smart, or has some shortcomings in appearance, or has some problems that are difficult to change, or is different from his peers, how can I disagree and praise them?
First, the recognition and praise of children is out of love, not out of "factism", which is an important starting point!
Because for parents, children are the only love, so no matter what, it is determined that it is the love of parents!
In the eyes of parents' love, even ordinary children still have the flow of love that is constantly praised, and this is based on the real fact - "the fact of love"!And not "the child's abilities or other facts".
Second, the formation of children's self-confident personality requires the power of parents' recognition and praiseBecause parents are the first people in the world to transmit their children's self-worth to him, this leads to the beginning of the child's self-knowledge;Therefore, the recognition and praise of parents is the foundation for the establishment of children's self-worth!
Third, when parents continue to recognize and praise their children for their correct concepts and behaviors, they also continue to affirm the correct values and principles of behavior, so that they can grow into independent and confident personalities, which is the work of parents' love!
Therefore, the need for parents to always recognize and praise their children's lives, rather than belittle and suppress, is an aspect that needs to be changed!
Even so, because the parents themselves were also belittled and grew up, they did not have the ability to recognize and praise, but could only follow the education method they received and inherit it from generation to generation, which is the national education method that needs to be changed!
However, parents in our country are also waking up, and there has been a change in this "life education" - the cultivation of a confident personalityIt's just that there is still a lot of room for improvement, which is the motivation for parents to continue learning!
Here, may our parents make our children grow up like little trees, stretch and grow freely, and become people with healthy personalities, which is a vision of future education that our country must achieve!