Xu Yu. Case:
Xiao Ruo asked Xiao Yu to borrow the latest issue of the comic book. Xiao Yu thought: I bought this book with the pocket money I had saved for a long time, and I haven't finished reading it yet, so I don't borrow it. Unexpectedly, Xiao Ruo snatched it away, Xiao Yu was furious, chased after it and kicked Xiao Ruo's stomach, Xiao Ruo squatted down in pain...Fortunately, it was sent to the hospital in time for examination, and Xiao Yu also felt very guilty.
Xiao Yu's distress: How can I control my anger? What should I do if I don't want to hurt someone else or let someone else take my stuff?
The expert answers:
"Emotions" are organisms that evolved during adaptation to their natural environment and are genetically encoded response programs that can be induced by stimulus events or other emotions in the environment. Anger is one of the primitive emotions of human beings, and it is an emotional experience that gradually accumulates tension due to external interference, suppressed desire fulfillment, and hindered purpose.
The situational factors of the case were that Xiao Yu "was robbed of his beloved comics without his consent", and his anger induced his aggressive behavior to "kick". This impulsive attack, which is not planned, and for individuals with poor control, chagrin usually follows.
Here are a few "tips" to improve your emotional intelligence:
1. The ability to express emotions.
When encountering a situation where boundaries are violated, express your attitudes and emotions in words, such as: "I am angry that you snatched my comic book without my permission. ”
2. Exercise the ability of emotions to promote thinking.
Emotions allow individuals to move back and forth between positive and negative perspectives, which is conducive to thinking from multiple perspectives. For example, when you kick him in anger, you feel guilty; swallowed his anger and was robbed of the book, and felt that he was a wreck; Pretending to lend it generously to Xiao Ruo, I am not happy...If a similar situation happens again, it is suggested that Xiao Yu can choose to report to the teacher and let the teacher criticize Xiao Ruo for returning the comic book to him.
3. The ability to recognize emotions.
1. Recognize moral sentiments. Such as shame, guilt, admiration, gratitude, etc., moral emotions can provide the motivational power of moral behavior, both motivating good moral behavior and discouraging bad moral behavior. Research has shown that true pride, empathy, and gratitude motivate prosocial behavior in individuals; Guilt and shame were negatively correlated with juvenile delinquency, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and other undesirable behaviors, which were more likely to stimulate individual compensatory behaviors.
2. Recognize that emotions can change, such as from anger to guilt, or from anger to regret.
4. Learn Xi ability to regulate emotions.
1. Quickly stop anger: calm is better than yelling;
2. Tips for reducing anger: clarifying priorities (thinking from a different perspective), letting the other person think overnight, giving the other person time to express their opinions, etc.;
3. Leave the stimulus environment (stimulus source) first;
4. Emotional catharsis: talking, writing, exercise, etc.;
5. The ability to manage one's own and others' emotions by attenuating negative emotions (not weakening or exaggerating the messages conveyed by those emotions).
The author is the deputy secretary-general of the Guangzhou Association of Psychological Counselors and a national second-level psychological counselor