My marriage to my wife, Li Juan, has been going through 30 years. Over the years, our lives have been plain and ordinary, with laughter and tears.
Li Juan and I are both neighbors of our hometown, but my family is slightly wealthier. The marriage was purely the order of the parents, and the two sides exchanged the bride price, so the certificate was ripped off. Li Juan is introverted, not very good at talking, I am not a chatter, Xi tacit silence. After marriage, she concentrated on her husband and children, and actively took care of the family, while I focused on my career, and we lived with respect for each other.
Neither of us is a proactive character, and a dull married life is predictable. At first, it was love, but slowly the passion faded and became a routine according to the script. There were no big ups and downs between us, but there was a lot less sweetness.
Most of my friends have been married for many years. For example, Zhang Wei and his Wang Mei have been in love for 20 years. I often see them snuggling together, with warmth in their eyes, and I feel that they are still a young couple in love. Every time I see it, I will sigh softly, secretly envying the fire of love that is still burning among them.
Yesterday was the 80th birthday of my dear old mother, Liu Lian. I specially arranged a warm birthday banquet in the activity room of her nursing home, and also prepared snacks and flower tea that she likes to eat. I started preparing a month in advance, buying decorations, printing Lao ** as a memory wall, booking meals, and specially invited a few good friends of me and Li Juan to participate.
Although the old mother's health is not very good, her spirit is not bad. Before the banquet began, I went to the infirmary and pushed her over. Mrs. Liu Lian wore a garland on her head, a red dress, a smile on her face, and a lively joke with the staff. I helped her to sit down, and she said happily: "Son, mom is so happy, you have prepared such a beautiful party, mom is so touched." ”
I also said happily, "Mom, my son is also proud of your longevity. Turning 80 years old is a blessing for you and an honor for your children. Let's celebrate this meaningful day for you!”
Li Juan and other friends also stepped forward to congratulate, and the old lady smiled. Let's toast a few toasts first, toasting this gorgeous life. Zhang Wei also gave a speech, praising the old lady for being full of vitality and not at all like the 80-year-old. Wang Mei also smiled and said, "Auntie, you look younger than me!."Be sure to tell me the secret of maintenance!"There was a warm and celebratory atmosphere for a while.
At this moment, the old lady suddenly pushed me and said earnestly: "Son, Mom has something to say to you alone, can you go outside and talk?"”
I was a little surprised, but I immediately agreed. Helping the old lady to sit down on the garden bench, I asked softly, "Mom, what do you command?"”
Hearing the old lady's slightly sad tone, my heart tightened, and I hurriedly asked, "Mom, if you have anything in your heart, even if you tell me, my son will definitely listen to you." ”
The old lady sighed, patted my hand and said, "Son, you have been married for many years now, and my mother is very pleased that you have found a good partner and have a son and a daughter." It's just that my mother hopes that you won't repeat the mistakes of the past and cherish Li Juan. ”
I was confused and asked, "Mom, what do you mean by that?"I've always been very good to Juanzi. ”
The old lady pondered for a moment, as if she had made up her mind, before continuing: "Son, do you remember your father?He was also good to his mother back then, and the first few years of our marriage were quite happy. It's just that slowly, your dad changes. ”
At the mention of my father, who died young, my heart was slightly sour. The old lady seldom told us about my father, and I rarely mentioned it today, so I listened quietly.
I looked at the old lady in amazement, and she was talking about my father's affair. I knew that my parents were not in harmony, but I never thought that there would be such a secret feeling.
The old lady continued: "In those years, your father often had affairs, and I could only endure it silently, for the sake of your children. All these years of pain, you don't know. Mom really loves him, so the heart-wrenching betrayal made me suffer a lot. ”
After that, the old lady's eyes turned red, and the hand on my hand trembled slightly. I couldn't calm down for a long time, and I didn't know what to say for a while.
After a while, I asked softly, "Mom, what are you trying to tell me when you tell me this?"”
The old lady made up her mind, looked at me seriously, and said, "Son, my mother hopes that you will not repeat the mistakes of the past. I believe that Li Juan is very good to you, and you must continue to love her. No matter what the problem is, communicate with her well. Don't break her heart, and don't repeat my painful history. Do you understand your mother's mind?”
I was stunned for a moment, and I vaguely felt that things were not so simple. I pondered for a while before I muffled and said, "Mom, things are not as absolute as you think. I will treat Juanzi well according to your heart. ”
The old lady seemed relieved, patted my hand and said, "Son, that's what my mother wants to tell you. Today is my mother's birthday, and if I can talk in my heart, I have no regrets. Come, let's go back, don't keep the guests waiting. ”
After talking to the old lady, I couldn't calm down for a long time.
The old lady's words involved my sad past. My marriage to Li Juan has indeed lacked passion. Especially in the past few years, I have been tormented by cold relationships. Occasionally, I would confide in Zhang Wei, who advised me to be more committed to my family, but I had accumulated too much alienation in my heart.
Just two years ago, by chance, I met Lin Chuchu, a new young secretary of the company. This lively and cheerful girl has brought long-lost pleasure to my life. She understands me, understands me, and shares a lot of language with me. I felt that with her, I had changed back to the young man I was full of passion and dreams.
After coming and going, my relationship with Lin Chuchu became closer and closer. I would accompany her shopping, eating, and chatting with her outside of work. One time we drank too much and she took the initiative to kiss me, and I couldn't suppress my excitement and had sex with her.
I know it's unfair to Li Juan and her family, but with Lin Chuchu, I feel happier and more satisfied than ever. This fresh passion became the spice of my life, and I gradually got tired of wanting more. The pale life in marriage is in stark contrast to the colorfulness outside marriage. I was like an addiction, and I fell deeper and deeper.
I also thought about making it clear to Li Juan, but when I thought of her introverted personality, I couldn't bear to break her heart. I saw that she was busy running around for the family, and she was reluctant to ask for a breakup in her conscience. I continued to deceive myself, living in a world that was on both sides.
You negative man!You think I didn't know you were having an affair?How many years have you betrayed me!Li Juan suddenly shook off my hand and roared with tears in her eyes.
It turns out that she already knows. I was about to say something, but Li Juan turned around and ran, leaving me standing still.
Zhang Wei stepped forward and patted me and sighed: "Brother, it seems that she knows everything about you." Marriage, you have to be considerate of each other to last. Let's go outside and talk. ”
I followed Zhang Wei to the courtyard and found a bench to sit down.
Zhang Wei was silent for a while before he spoke: "Brother, I can understand your feelings, but you are going to show your stuffing sooner or later." The matter between you and Lin Chuchu, Juanzi must have noticed it a long time ago. You should take care of this and don't continue to spoil yourself and your family. ”
I sighed, nodded, and said, "I know it's wrong, but Juanzi and I really lack passion, and our marriage has become boring." I need Lin Chuchu to fill the emptiness in my heart. ”
Zhang Wei said: "Brother, have you ever thought about how much Juanzi has paid for the family over the years?"She takes care of the housework, takes care of the young and the old, and always looks like she thinks about you. Your lack of passion is not her problem alone. As a husband, you should also try to resolve the conflict, rather than choosing the shortcut of an affair. ”
I bowed my head and said nothing. It's true that over the years, I've been too involved in my career and neglected to take care of my family.
It is human nature, and there is nothing wrong with pursuing passion. But it should not be satisfied in a way that is unkind. You and I are not young anymore, we should learn to look down on things outside our bodies, and we should cherish the people in front of us. Zhang Wei continued to persuade.
I finally came to my senses and blamed myself: "Zhang Wei, I was wrong. I shouldn't abandon my wife and children just because I want something new. I must find Juanzi today and sincerely apologize to her. ”
Go man!Remember, with your heart, any marriage can rekindle passion. God has given you the opportunity to choose again, so you must seize it. Zhang Wei encouraged.
I hugged Zhang Wei excitedly, turned around and ran to find Li Juan.
I found her sitting alone on a bench crying, and I was heartbroken. I cautiously sat down beside her and said softly, "Juanzi, I'm sorry, I did something wrong." I've been so engrossed in my work over the years that I've neglected your feelings. I shouldn't have had an affair, and I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you. I really regret it. ”
Li Juan wept silently and did not speak.
I continued: "I know there is no excuse to hide my selfishness and wrongdoing, but I sincerely apologize to you and ask me to give me a chance to start over. ”
After a long while, Li Juan choked up and said, "Do you know how much I have paid for my family over the years?"I have been doing my best to take care of the elderly and children and maintain the family. Now all you get is your betrayal and deception. ”
I said bitterly, "I understand your feelings, and the damage I have done you is irreparable. But I swear I'll care more about you in the future, and we'll be able to rebuild trust. Please give me this chance. ”
Li Juan looked at me with red eyes and was silent for a long time. When she finally nodded, I shook her hand excitedly, filled with gratitude and determination. I know it will take time and effort to rebuild trust, but I will take action to make up for all the mistakes and regrets.
From now on, I will re-examine the people and things that are truly valuable in my life. Thank God for giving me the opportunity to wake up and make a new choice, I will cherish the person in front of me more and use my life to care for her feelings. There is still a long way to go, but I know that with her by my side, I am indeed no longer alone.