1 Walking home at night, I stepped on a piece of at the gate of the community, and I was so angry that I scolded the cleaner who was resting nearby on the spot: Are you just taking money and not working, why is the I pulled in the morning still there?!
2My sister is small and burly, and the boys ignore her. One night, the handsome guy next door came and knocked on the door and asked if she could go out for a walk with him. My sister said yes excitedly, asked him to wait, closed the door, put on lipstick and blew her hair, and changed into a new dress, before she came out and asked the handsome guy: "Where do you want to take me?"The handsome guy said: "My family is not here, I want to go and withdraw money, you give me a guts!."
3 buddies, nicknamed juniors.
During the National Day holiday, I wanted to go to a friend's place to play, and I was embarrassed to say it, so let me contact him.
So I sent a text message to my friend: Xiao San wants to visit you, is it convenient?
As a result, ...... happened to be seen by a friend's wifeMy friend and wife are still in the midst of a cold war.
4 The fourth aunt was nervous, that year my cousin had just been in junior high school, and on the morning of the midterm exam, the fourth aunt prepared a breakfast of one fritter and two eggs, which meant that the exam scored 100 points. When the results came out and did not meet expectations, the fourth aunt patted her head: "The full score is 120 points, isn't it a blockage for me to get these 100 points?"Later, during the final exam, the fourth aunt learned a lesson, and the breakfast was made in the shape of 120, but the cousin did not do well in the midterm exam, and the fourth aunt got on fire and smoked, and did not score 120 points, but the 120 ambulance came.
5There was a pig in our village, and once it broke through the pigsty and ran into the forest, and never found it, but a year later the pig came back on its own, and brought back a wild boar and a herd of piglets!Hey, a trip that says go, a desperate love, even a pig is better than me.
6 Every day, I see a group of ladies talking and laughing in the park.
On this day, I found that all of them were silent, and something very serious must have happened. I walked up to a lady and asked, "Why don't you talk today?"”
She replied, "Because everyone is here today." ”
7 In an art class, the teacher asked everyone to draw clay pots.
The teacher asked everyone to draw peculiarly, saying that it was easy to attract attention.
Student A looked at the clay pot painted by classmate B, and said with a smile: "Some clay pots are very valuable at first glance, and the clay pot you painted looks like a few dollars." Student B was silent for a minute, then added a few oracle bones to the clay pot.
8 It's really infuriating today. The taxi driver asked me, "Are you going to **?".I replied angrily, "What's the matter with you!".As a result, the driver drove me out of the car in displeasure, and it turned out that he just wanted to know the destination.
9. I asked a few friends to play mahjong at home. My girlfriend watched from the sidelines, I won, she danced, I lost, she shook her head and sighed......I glared at her and said, "Why are you nervous about me playing cards?""Can I not be nervous?".It's your money that loses, but if you win, it's my money!She said angrily.
10 "I didn't understand the plot of that movie just now. "My girlfriend kept muttering when she came out of the movie theater, and I patiently told her about the movie.
She asked, "AhhhYou watched a movie with me without being distracted!”
11. My wife and husband visited the auto show, and all the car models were very beautiful.
My husband said: "I heard that the model cars have an income of several thousand yuan for an hour. ”
The wife said enviously: "Husband, then I will also be a car model tomorrow." ”
My husband said, "I don't have that much money. ”
My wife said, "I'm a car model, why do I want you to have money?"”
My husband said, "If you don't pay the audience, who will come to watch?"”
12 A beautiful female colleague, her husband brought her lunch, and left without saying a word. The new male colleague asked: Who was that just now?She replied: Delivery. The newcomer asked again: Why didn't you give money?She said: No need, just sleep with him at night. The male colleague was silent, and the next day, he brought her a lunch of four dishes and one soup, and the whole office burst into laughter!
13 Seventy ways to please your girlfriend.
You say you don't know how to please your girlfriend?I have 70 ways to make her happy, the first is to buy a bag, and the remaining 69 are to realize it ...... herselfHaha!