It took three days to read "The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko", and to be honest, it was shocking. I was amazed that Songzi was such a smart, beautiful, and hard-working girl, who had a decent job and should have lived an enviable life, not to mention dazzling, but step by step went in the opposite direction.
Like me, I think every reader will have this question, what is the problem with pine nuts?
Matsuko has also been a top student since he was a child, and became a teacher after graduating from college. Teaching is a respected profession in Japan.
She's pretty and likable. However, fate suddenly took a turn.
She lost her job and couldn't face her family, Songzi chose to run away from home, step by step towards a life of displacement, being abandoned again and again, engaging in customs business, drug abuse, murder and ......
After all, who caused the fate of Matsuko?
Naturally, there are factors such as education, family of origin, and social prejudices. But these uncontrollable things, everyone is experiencing to a greater or lesser extent.
Let's start with herself.
The twist of Matsuko's fortunes began with two things.
The first thing is that it was from her and Principal Tasho to the place of study trip.
When the two of them arrived at their destination, they were told that there was only one room left in the hotel. However, the room has a curtain and can be divided into two rooms. At this time, Principal Tansho pretended to say that he could not live in the same room for the sake of Matsuko's reputation.
But Matsuko agreed.
To be honest, the reason for the pine nuts here is that they are tired and want to rest. But the deeper reason is that Matsuko doesn't want to disappoint others, or is afraid of causing trouble to others. But this caused her more trouble. This is obviously a trap set by the principal, she didn't see it clearly, and she was stupid enough to think about others.
Sure enough, Principal Tansho got into her bed. This, she should have thought of.
Afterwards, the principal threatened her that if she made a statement, she offered to share a room with the principal.
In order to calm things down, she chose to be silent.
It was from this incident that the fate of Matsuko began to change step by step.
The second thing that happened next was to push the pine nuts directly to the edge of the cliff.
During the study trip after the inspection, there was a theft of the hotel where they were staying. Originally, this matter was handled properly, and it had little to do with pine nuts. The object of everyone's suspicion, Long Yangyi, was just her student, but Long Yangyi didn't admit it. Matsuko wanted to return the stolen money and put an end to the matter.
The reason why she did this was also to meet the expectations of Shunji Saeki, a teacher of the opposite sex who had a crush on her, and wanted to prove to him that she could handle this matter well.
So, she made a ridiculous move and took her colleague's money to pay it back herself without saying hello in advance. However, unexpectedly, the shopkeeper did not buy it and demanded an apology from the person who stole the money.
In a hurry, Songzi actually said that she stole the money, and took the responsibility on her own head.
Although the owner promised not to call the police, the director also said that he would not tell anyone else. But when she returned to school, Matsuko found that this was not the case.
When the principal found out about this, the director put all the blame on her, and the colleague who was given the money also came to accuse Songzi.
Songzi went to Long Yangyi and tried to make him confess, but was framed by Long Yangyi to find him guilty.
Matsuko was forced to resign.
It's like one set after another, she gets deeper and deeper, but the person who sets the trap is herself.
At this point, we see that everything she does happens in the expectation of others. She knew that if she lived in the same room with the principal, she would be violated, but she still had luck and did not refuse;When the theft occurred, she was just an investigator, because she didn't want to disappoint a teacher of the opposite sex who had a good feeling, so she forcibly involved herself ......
After that, Matsuko's life was completely out of his control, and it seemed that he was declining all the way.
After she ran away from home, she lived with a man from Tetsuya. This man claimed to be a writer, but he couldn't make money, and if he couldn't support his family, he asked Songzi to sell himself.
is also to fulfill this man's expectations, Songzi really went.
Toru also came back from drinking, knowing that Matsuko was not hired. A slap in the face of the pine nut, what kind of reaction did the pine nut fall to the ground?
Only the ground and Tetsuya's toes are seen. His thumb sticks out of his sock. Remember to help him sew, the idea suddenly came to my mind. ”
At this time, Songzi did not resist and was knocked to the ground, thinking about how to help the other party.
Toru also suspects that he is having an affair with another man. I'm thinking,The reason why Toru was able to ignore her dignity like this was precisely because she flattered her again and again, and finally turned into connivance.
At this time, the pine nut ** is still self, and he has become Xi to the derogation of others.
After that, she shuttled between various scumbags. Ironically, in the end, she also fell in love with her former student Long Yangyi, and wanted to live and die with him.
Matsuko's vitality is very strong, she has an unyielding tenacity, and after falling into desperate situations again and again, she grows again through her own efforts.
However, she does not seem to have the strength to grow on her own and must be attached to men before she feels alive. She put her hopes in the hands of others again and again, took men's expectations as her life goals, and then, she was hurt again and again.
Why do pine nuts keep living in the expectations of others?
Because, from the expectations of others, she can feel needed, and she thinks this is love. So much so that every time she interacts with a man, she can't tell the difference between being needed and being loved, and she can't tell the difference between sweet words and true feelings. She is too lacking in love, always confused by superficial needs and language, and can't see clearly the hidden deep needs under the superficial overtures of others.
The men she met almost always needed her, and that's it.
Saeki, Tetsuya, Okano, Onodera ......It's not that they love her, but the man who really loves her, Akagi, she misses it.
Will a person like Matsuko, who has been living in the expectations of others, have such a tragic ending?
Not necessarily, I think.
Just like before she went into society, she was always an honor student in the traditional sense, gaining the respect of others and getting a decent job.
If she didn't have Principal Tando by her side, if she didn't have Long Yoichi, if she was like Akagi ......It's a pity that there are no ifs.
So, step by step, she embarked on the road of being a bathroom girl, taking drugs, killing people, going to jail ......
If we had been walking in an environment where there was no wind and waves, I believe that the pine nuts might not have been so upside down.
She is very smart, her Xi ability is better than others, whether it is being a bathroom girl or hairdressing, she is the one who does the best. In other words, if she has been accompanied by benign expectations, her life will be much smoother.
But unfortunately, Matsuko's side has always had vicious expectations, and she lives in the expectations of others. Unable to face the complex human nature, the pine nuts have become the "fish and meat" under the knives of others, without self, and are slaughtered by others.
I won't leave if I am subjected to domestic violence, I still believe in betrayal, and I think I have won ...... by interfering in other people's marriages
For her, the expectations of others have become hell for her.
Later, Matsuko made a lot of money by working as a bathroom girl, but this did not make her feel happy and happy. Because,She seems to be financially independent, but she is still mentally hollow.
Of course, this has something to do with her family of origin. She has lived in her father's expectations since she was a child, and to be a good student, she has tried her best, and she is still not clearly loved by her father.
Lack of love pine nuts, don't know how to love.
Therefore, when she grew up, she always wanted to get a certain love.
Without a man in her life, she would be lifeless. But after encountering, she couldn't distinguish between true feelings and falsehoods, and she was all in every relationship. As a result, they were hurt again and again.
Mother Teresa's quote I thought fitted her perfectly, "We think poverty is hunger, lack of clothing, and lack of housing, but the greatest poverty is not needed, loved, and cared for." ”
In real life, how many people live too much in other people's expectations?
I believe that Matsuko must be more than alone.
I read the e-book and did some underlining and notes. I also saw many people write their feelings, saying that it is dangerous, and I am similar to pine nuts.
Mu Qiang or Mu Nan, low self-esteem, no self in love, living in the expectations of others, ......The characteristics of these pine nuts, you, me and her, always see yourself or part of yourself in the pine nuts.
This is a wake-up call.
I'm glad I read this book, even if it's not too late.
An article is not exhaustive, and I recommend it to you here. Be sure to see for yourself, because everyone will have a different interpretation.
December Creation Incentive Program