My father heard a male voice coming from my mother's room, but he beat me and my brother violently
Someone on the Internet asked: What is the suffocation of the family?
I'm willing to share my opinion: it's a depression that can't be released, a bond that can't be freed.
1. Recalling my childhood, I have never experienced the warmth of family in other people's mouths. These warm words have nothing to do with the reality of my family, especially after my dad fell into alcoholism, and the faint warmth in the family completely disappeared.
Now that I'm in my second year of high school, my neighbors who used to grow up with have all moved into high-rise buildings, leaving us as a family of four, still living in this small 60-square-meter shantytown.
Who is to blame?Is it Daddy?Actually, this was not the case with Dad initially.
Dad used to be a hardworking and honest worker, and he worked hard all the timeAfter getting married, he hopes to make the family better and better through his own hands. But it backfired.
Is mom to blame?Maybe.
I don't know what to say about the man who gave me life, but before my grandmother died, she kept cursing her mom in her mouth, saying that she ruined her dad and calling her a bad woman.
Such remarks have accompanied me for a long time since I was sensible.
Initially, I would argue with my grandmother and defend my mother;Later, I would even listen to her curse for a long time while doing things. Mom didn't care about grandma's scolding, and when she was in a good mood, she would laugh and retort: "Then what should I do?".It was your son who insisted on marrying me in the first place, and now he blames meWhen she was in a bad mood, she would stand at the door and scold her grandmother, and the scene was so hot that people didn't dare to interject.
Because of my mother, I have not been able to win my grandmother's favor since I was a child. But when my dad was busy with work, my mom was busy with housework all day, and I had to rely on my grandmother.
Even though she didn't like me, she would leave some food for me to eat. Then, she would continue to count her mother's faults.
After decades of scolding from my grandmother, I grew up and understood what my father and mother had been through.
2. My father was an ordinary worker, and when he was in his twenties, he met my mother. At that time, his amazement at her was overflowing, and when he returned home, he began to make a fuss about marrying her.
My grandmother passed away when my mother was very young, leaving her and my grandfather to live together. Grandpa's flowery deeds are well known, he is idle all day long, maintains an ambiguous relationship with several women, and has no time to take care of his daughter.
Perhaps due to the influence of the environment, my mother dropped out of junior high school after only two years. Young and beautiful, she mingles in the social circle all day long, and is contaminated with all kinds of bad habits such as smoking, drinking, and gambling.
When she was 18 years old, she had an illicit relationship with a family man and became pregnant with a child. I thought that mothers were more expensive than children, and the future was bright. However, the matter was unexpectedly discovered by the original partner, resulting in the door of the house being blocked, and in a fierce quarrel, the mother unfortunately miscarried.
The man never showed up, and his mother's reputation was discredited, like a rat crossing the street.
At this moment, my father actually proposed to marry my mother!Even for her sake, he did not hesitate to cut off relations with his grandparents!
Although the grandparents tried to oppose it, they had no choice but to let it go because of their father's insistence.
Mom thought she wouldn't be able to get married, but suddenly she ushered in a man who was willing to marry her, so she happily agreed.
If Mom had lived a peaceful life after that, maybe everything would have changed.
However, she only had peace of mind for two years, after which she regained her social addiction, spent all her family savings, and made her father wear a green hat countless times.
Although his father's persuasion was fruitless, he was reluctant to divorce. When my brother was in elementary school and I was in junior high school, he began to gradually fall into the sea of alcohol, and every day when he woke up, he poured a glass of wine so that he could have the strength to wash. As a result, he lost his job, and he became older and more irritable, and at 40 he looked like an old man in his sixties and seventies.
Grandma looked at the changes in her son and was distressed, thinking that his mother had harmed him. But there is a limit to what an old man can do, and she can only vent her inner grievances by cursing, but her grievances seem to never be quelled.
3. I don't have deep feelings for my mother, but I feel helpless and pitiful for my father.
When I was a child, whenever my father was free, he would accompany me, teach me to read, take me to the park, and buy me a pack of figs for five cents. At night, he always lulls me to sleep before I fall asleep.
Mom, I rarely see her.
Before I woke up in the morning, she was ready to leaveOccasionally, I would come home before I went to sleep, but I always looked drunk.
At that time, my dad never mentioned my mother's outside life in front of me, and I thought she was working, and even thought that other families were like that.
The elementary school I went to was nearby, it wasn't a good school, and my classmates were all kids around me, so they all seemed to know everything about my family.
While they were talking, I suddenly realized that my family was not the same as everyone else, and my mother was also different.
To prove that Mom is not the bad woman they say she is, she loves me too. Once, I deliberately got up early, stayed at her bedside, and when she woke up, I asked her to accompany me to the park.
My mother slapped me in the face: "What, you even have to take care of my mother's affairs?"Fuck off!”
Fortunately, she didn't scold me, which is already a rare tenderness for me. If it was in normal times, I'm afraid I would have swear a long time ago.
After she went out, I quietly followed her to see where she went.
She came to a mahjong parlor, and as soon as she entered the door, she heard a man inside greet her: "Sister Qiao, why is it so late today?."Where did you go last night?Went to the hotel with Brother Gao, right?”
Mom gently brushed her hair and twisted her waist: "Fart, I can't say good things." If you want to go to the hotel, I'm going with you, what's the matter with Brother Gao?”
When I learned that the mahjong parlor was a place for my mother, I used to sneak there after school to see my mother.
The mother in the mahjong parlor is something I've never seen before.
She speaks softly and smiles at the man next to her. More than once I saw those men put their hands on her shoulders, breasts, face, and even buttocks.
I thought my mom was going to get angry, like I touched a handful of her freshly combed hair.
But she didn't, instead seemed to enjoy it, smoking a cigarette and glancing back at the past.
I haven't been to a mahjong parlor since that time, and even if I pass by occasionally, I'll rush past with my head down.
Mom always didn't come home at night for a few days a week, and when she came back the next day, her makeup was on, her hair was scattered, and her face still had a blush that had not faded.
Dad once asked her where she had gone, and Mom replied casually, "What else can you do playing cards?"”
After many times, my father stopped asking, even if every time my mother sent her back with a different man, he didn't say a word.
They would also quarrel, and every time they quarreled, it was like thunder.
Dad yelled hoarsely, and Mom didn't show weakness, scolding with her waist crossed;Dad threw everything that could move the house on the floor, while Mom ran to the kitchen to pick up a kitchen knife and waved it between the two.
Grandma heard the quarrel and rushed over, so she simply sat on the ground and pointed at her mother and scolded.
The dirtiest words I've ever heard in my life are happening in our homes.
I was scared, but I knew that it would be useless to cry and shout again at this time, so I could only hide in the closet by myself, covering my ears and silently avoiding it.
Fourth, my mother often went out to party, and my father began to indulge in alcohol at home, and he also caught up with other women.
One day, I came home from early leave, and when I opened the door, I happened to see my father and a strange woman in an intimate relationship.
Dad woke up and stared at me angrily, and my face was full of consternation.
Staring into his blood-red eyes, I suddenly understood: I had lost my only loved one.
Mom always scolds me, but her time at home is too short;My father, on the other hand, has hardly gone out since he became addicted to alcohol, except for the sake of buying alcohol.
I had to go back to a home full of fear, and even if I walked a little louder, my dad would roar with anger.
I was scared, especially when he was drunk, his eyes bloodshot and panting, staring at me intensely. At that moment, I felt my whole body tremble, and anyone who saw him would be scared.
I still remember when my younger brother was in the fifth grade, because of a fight with his classmates, the other party's parents came to the door to seek a solution.
The other party was a tall father, and as soon as he entered the door, he accused my father of not teaching the child well and demanded an apology from my younger brother.
Even though Dad was thinner than the other party, he was drunk that day. Seeing someone challenge, he stood up and punched the opponent, directly hitting the blood.
The other party covered his nose and tried to defend himself, but Dad picked up the hammer under the table and waved it at the other party.
Seeing that the situation was not good, the classmate's father hurriedly pulled the child to flee in a panic, cursing as he ran.
This is not over, when the people left, Dad turned around and said nothing, waved at his brother twice, and then kicked again.
I quickly pulled my brother back to the bedroom and locked the door. However, Dad was still slamming the door outside, his mouth full of chaotic curses.
I leaned against the door and watched my brother standing dumbly on the edge of the bed, his face already pale as paper.
That night, we didn't dare to open the door, our stomachs rumbled, but we didn't dare to act rashly. We sat on the floor, legs curled up, heads buried between our knees.
We didn't dare to fall asleep, for fear that our father would break into it as soon as we fell asleep. Despite the sleepiness, we spent the night in a daze.
The next day, there was another commotion outside the door. Mom came back and quarreled with Dad again.
In order to go to school, my brother and I plucked up the courage to open the door.
As soon as my mother saw us, she immediately pointed the finger at us: "What are you two doing?".Being with a man at such a young age?It's so thick-skinned!”
Look at you, dressed so cleanly, smiling so brightly, you must be trying to seduce someone;You are dressed so beautifully, do you want to seduce others?”
Really, one family is worse than the other, one has grown up to be a hooligan, the other is a young lady, and there is no good thing!”
My brother and I took a deep breath, gritted our teeth, and walked out of the house amid my mother's abuse and my father's indifference.
I've heard too much of my mother's curses: if I wear clean clothes or smile at home, she thinks I'm seducing others;The younger brother spoke a little louder, but his wings were stiff.
Five. Last year, there was a family change when my mother's leg was broken, and doctors prescribed that she must stay in bed for three months.
At first, I had mixed feelings about the news, with some unease and some secret rejoicing.
Fortunately, Mom is stuck at home, so she may be able to stay away from the people and things that disturb her outsideBut I was at a loss and couldn't imagine what would happen to our family in these three months.
During this time, my father was still obsessed with alcohol, and the responsibility of cooking fell to my brother and me. Originally, I was cooking for a family of three, but now I have to work for a family of four, and I have to bring it to my mother's bedside.
The former is relatively simple, but the latter is a task that neither my brother nor I are willing to undertake.
As expected, as soon as I handed my mother the food, she scolded me: "You just give me these?".There's no meat, are you trying to starve me?, pour a glass of wine!”
I took a paper glass, poured a glass from my father's bottle, and handed it to her.
What kind of wine is this?Only your dad's kind of would drink this kind of wine!, don't dangle in front of me, if you two didn't have it, how would I be living like today!No money, no house, no men, all of them are harmed by this group of vampires!”
Mom's voice spread far away, and Dad must have heard it too, only to see him sneer, curse "Stinky woman, don't die well", and then drank it all.
Since my father lost his job, the unit sympathized with him and gave him a sick retirement, and our family of four lived on his meager retirement salary.
However, Mom is still addicted to playing cards, Dad is still obsessed with alcohol, and that meager amount of money is far from enough to support our lives. Every day, my brother and I have to collect waste and bottles in exchange for some pocket money.
It's ridiculous to have to feed our parents in such a way!
But what can we do?I'm 17 years old, my brother is 14 years old, and there's so much I can do. Even though this family is suffocating, we have nowhere to run!
In the first half month of bedridden, my father and mother were still in peace, one was lying on the bed, the other was in the living room, not disturbing each other, but it was difficult to avoid scolding each other.
However, half a month later, something even more suffocating happened.
Mom's group of fox friends came to visit her.
I opened the door, and the three men walked straight in, without even glancing at my dad on the couch, and went straight to my mom's room, and the last one slammed the door shut in front of my dad.
From Mom's bedroom came the sound of men making yellow tones and Mom's shy laughter.
I didn't dare to think deeply, and I didn't want to linger in the living room for a second, so I hurriedly hid in my brother's room. It's a pity that the old house has poor sound insulation, and closing the door can't block the sound from next door and outside.
The laughter faded away, replaced by a sound I had never heard before, the sound of breathing.
I wanted to cry, but the tears couldn't come out. My brother looked at me dumbfounded.
In the living room, "pop", the sound of a wine bottle falling on the floor, "pop", the sound of a fist hitting the table. However, these sounds did not stop the matter next door for half a second.
Two hours later, Mom's bedroom door finally opened.
Three men walked out, cigarettes in their mouths, contented.
Sitting on the bed, my mother was arranging her clothes and shouting to them, "Come and see me when you're free!"”
The door closed, and Dad squatted on the ground with his head in his hands and cried heartbreakingly. It was the first time I saw him cry.
However, Dad's weakness and tolerance did not change Mom, and she continued in her ways.
If I was disappointed in my family, after these three months, I feel completely hopeless.
Six. I felt like I had changed, I became absent-minded every day, reluctant to socialize with people, scared of the outside world and school, and always felt that other people's eyes were full of disgust, pity and disdain.
The younger brother is also different, becoming more and more irritable, fighting back without hesitation in the face of his father's attacks, and even having several conflicts with his classmates at school.
I felt as if my brother and I were the worst people in the world, because we lost our faith, and because of it, we lost our courage and were full of despair about the world.
I often wonder, why did I want to be born in such a family?Did I make such a mistake in my last life!
I was disgusted with them, including my once-beloved dad. If he hadn't had to marry my mom in the first place, maybe there wouldn't have been so many problemsWhat annoys me even more is my mother. If ......There is no if, such a person, do you expect her to reflect and wake up?If I had to say if, I can only say if she hadn't been born in the first place.
I've made up my mind that if I can get into university, I'll choose a place far from homeIf you can't go to college, go to a distant place and find a job. At that time, I will take my younger brother and completely escape from this family that haunts us and say goodbye to my parents.
Hurry up, I'm almost overwhelmed!