Lu Kewen has recently become popular again because of talking about older leftover women. There are all kinds of sounds.
However, many people did not understand the core issue of what he was talking about. That isMate selection logic
This article also talks about this issue.
In the feudal society where the parents ordered the matchmaker to say the words, the logic of mate selection is actually very simple - the door is right.
What do you mean?
It is to judge the social status of a person's family through the stone drum at the door of a person's house and the pillar on the door.
Generally speaking, it was very common in ancient times for the daughter of a civil official to marry the son of a military general, and the daughter of a military general to marry the son of a civil official.
For example, the famous Empress Changsun, whose father was Changsun Sheng, the general of the Sui Dynasty's right Xiaowei, and her mother was the daughter of Gao Jingde, the assassin of Yangzhou in the Sui Dynasty. And she married Li Shimin, the son of Li Yuan, the Duke of Tang.
The biggest advantage of this marriage model is that both men and women are about the same strength, and they can help each other and protect each other in officialdom to maximize the interests of the family.
In this kind of marriage, although there is a difference in the status of men and women, it is much more gentle compared with the superiority of men and women in the outside world. Because the strength of the woman's family cannot be underestimated. The so-called hostess of a large family can have the final say at home, essentially because the female family is also strong.
And this kind of thinking is the same among the people. In the society of Shinong industry and commerce, it is not impossible to have marriages across social classes, but they are often very rare, otherwise there would not be so many poignant love stories.
Looking at Lu Kewen's comment area, I found a problem at that time.
A lot of women are confusedMarriage and mate selectionproblems.
Marrying means that women are not choosing their own mates but are chosen.
In mate selection, the woman is the active party.
This is like a person who only scored 600 points in the college entrance examination, and it is possible to reach the score line of Tsinghua University. However, is it up to this person to decide whether or not to enter Tsinghua University?No, but passively waiting for Tsinghua's choice.
And if this person scores 600 points in the test, and chooses a school with a high probability of getting into this score when filling in the volunteer, it is an active choice.
So, is it wrong for a woman to ask to get married?That's right, who doesn't want to improve?
However, getting married means losing the initiative, not you choose someone else, but someone else chooses you.
It's like in "Thirty Only", there is never a shortage of women around Liang Zhengxian, a high-quality sea king.
Everyone knows that Liang Zhengxian is high-quality, rich, and handsome. But is it easy for these girls to get married?It's not easy, including Wang Manni, they are all one of the ones chosen. And there is a high probability that it will not be selected.
This reminds me of what a friend said: a 30-year-old female teacher in a township primary school with an ordinary family background. I was introduced to a returnee with a master's degree, and the talent was introduced back to his hometown, and the boy's parents are still small leaders in the local system. In the words of a friend, I feel that the girl's attitude of falling in love is too low, and she keeps reporting the trip to her boyfriend when she goes to study and Xi in other places. But in fact, such a boy, in a small city, as long as there is no major problem, his parents and various elders can introduce him to all kinds of girls, and there is a high probability that he will be better than the current girl.
Not all the time, there is an opportunity to stand and earn money.
Lu Kewen actually said very, very superficial, there is no problem in the general direction, but there are many flaws in the details.
As a matter of fact. The logic of mate selection for some older leftover women is:
I'm 1.6 meters, so I want to find a taller one, 1.8 meters, is there a problem?
I earn 100,000 a year, and I want to find one with an income of 300,000 a year, is there a problem?
I have a small house, and I ask the man to have a big house, is there a problem?
I'm okay looking, I want to find someone who looks handsome, is there a problem?
And these conditions are not optional, but must be all present.
on the Internet.
You will find that each of these conditions is no problem to be singled out, but once put together, the difficulty of matching is as difficult as the sky.
Let's take test scores as an example. Take, for example, urban women.
For example, if a girl has four assessment items, the comprehensive score is 500 points. Divide it into one grade.
She was looking for a boy who was better than her in every way. Is it too much to be 10 points higher than her in every item?It doesn't seem excessive.
But what is the score of this boy at this moment?540 points.
What's the difference?During the college entrance examination, one can only take two books, while the other can take one.
Well, at this time, there is actually not much of a problem, because the female competitors with a score of 500 are only those below 540. There are only 500 people in 540-40. The number of people under 500 is unknown. In the process of matching girls upwards with males backwards, there is a chance that they can be matched. Even if it is appropriate, it is called a strong combination.
However, if a girl with a score of 500 wants to find a boy with a score of 600, then the difficulty is not as simple as doubling, because competitors have a higher score than a girl with a score of 500, and what advantage does a girl with a score of 500 have to ensure that she is favored by a boy with a score of 600?
Between 500-600 points there are 100 people.
It's like the competition ratio of a public *** position is 1:40 and the other is 1:100, and fools know which one is easier to go ashore.
And what are our traditions?Men can calmly accept to find someone whose conditions are not as good as their own.
In the eyes of a boy with a score of 600, there is no difference between a girl with a score of 500 and a girl with a score of 520, just look at which one meets his needs.
At the end of the day, girls with 500 points want to find boys with 600 points, and girls with 520 points want to find boys with 600 points.
Anyone who has taken the college entrance examination knows that the number of people with a score of 600 is much less than that of more than 500.
What does this lead to?There is an imbalance between supply and demand in the dating market.
There are very few men who are really good, and there are too many women who want to find these men. (I can't figure out the story of Wanda's son).
This is the error of the logic of mate selection for older leftover women:The matching mechanism is incorrectI want to match someone who is much taller than me
Moreover, in many cases, as women age, their composite score may be subtracted rather than added. But her competitors will only be more and not less.
If a high-quality man who has a car, a house and no loan in Shanghai is faced with an older leftover woman with a score of 520 and a young woman with a score of 500 at the same time, who do you think is more likely to succeed?If the man is still very important about childbearing, the results are even more obvious.
I observed those friends who are married at marriageable age and those who are not married in their 30s, some in big cities and some in small cities, and found that those who are really married and happy are often very sober.
The matching patterns seen are:
Primary school township teachers marry grassroots civil servants;
Ordinary civil servants marry middle-level leaders of banks;
Career editor married to civil servants;
The school administration is married to a university teacher.
In fact, the conditions for these men and women to marry are similar. Maybe a girl with a score of 500 is looking for a husband with a score of 510. The gap between them is within the acceptable range of both sides, and there are many aspects of each other's victories and defeats.
Let's take exams as an example.
Only top students can guarantee that they have almost perfect marks in all subjects. Top students, how many are there in a province?
What is the state of most people?Some of the people are good in physics and chemistry, but the language and English are almost meaningless. Some people are okay in English, but mathematics, physics, chemistry, politics and history are almost meaningful.
If a girl scores 500 points, is it difficult to find a boy?It's not difficult, it's not difficult at all. And it can take the initiative in the relationship between the sexes.
In the same way, it is not difficult for a girl with a score of 580 to find a boy with a score of 600, and it is also common in real life.
But what are you afraid of?
Those with 500 points or even less than 500 points want to find those with more than 600 points, and those with 580 points want to find one with more than 700 points.
Not to mention this strength gap, is there any possibility of acquaintance, and even if there is an opportunity to know, how can it be guaranteed to attract these high-quality men?And you can keep these men around?It's impossible to think about it on your toes. There are so many actresses in Hong Kong, how many of them really marry into top wealthy families?
Like Liang Zhengxian in "Thirty Only", will he lack women?Without Wang Manni, there will be Zhang Manni and Li Manni to post up. The reality is so cruel.
Ma Zhe said that everything should be grasped well, seeking truth from facts, and proceeding from reality is the only magic weapon to solve problems.
What does that mean?Know yourself correctly, don't rely on imagination to find a partner.
If you make up your mind to be single, this society is very open and there is no big deal.
But if you really want to get married, the logic of mate selection must be correct.
It is never recommended for women to be compatible with backwards at willFind a boy who is inferior to yourself in all aspects, not only will you not be psychologically acceptable, but your future life will not be particularly smooth.
But don't have a wrong perception of yourself, thinking about finding something much better than yourself, because it's hard to find, and if you find it, you may not be able to keep it.
It is important to understand that when buying a lottery ticket, winning the jackpot is always a very unlikely event. Finding someone who is much stronger than yourself is similar to buying a lottery ticket.
Finally, I want to make it clear that I respect the choice of older leftover women very much, this is personal freedom, we are just ** this problem, don't dig too deep, let alone maliciously evaluate and personally attack others.
Seeking truth from facts, many problems will be solved.