I'm not sure if you've ever had the film "Ten Thousand Arrows Through the Heart", which depicts the story of an ordinary family that takes place in the 90s.
The male protagonist of the story is named Ma Xuewu, who is the head of a state-owned enterprise and holds a university degree, while the female protagonist Li Baoli is a small trader who lacks cultural cultivation.
After hearing these words, everyone may have begun to feel that something is wrong, after all, these two people do not belong to the same universe.
As one might expect, the couple faced many challenges in their married life. The heroine lacks education, is too calculating, and appears very strong and pungent in personality, while the male protagonist is too face-oriented and seems a little arrogant. When it comes to the issue of marriage, they all choose to avoid it. When faced with the same problem, people often have different opinions.
In the case of moving, the heroine feels that as long as the money is given, the others should meet all her needs, so she keeps shouting at the workers. The male protagonist cares about his own face very much, and feels that his wife's behavior is too embarrassing, so he sends cigarettes to the workers to apologize.
Such incidents go on one after another, but most of the time, the heroine does not hesitate to pursue family power, while the male protagonist tends to remain neutral, expecting the benefits he receives from his wife and blaming her in the process.
There is a huge difference between them in terms of their personalities and values. Their relationship was fraught with tragedy, which led to the husband's infidelity and suicide, while the wife was eventually cut off from contact by her own son and kicked out of the house.
In this story, I not only saw the wife's pungency and calculatingness, but also the husband's cowardice and lack of responsibility. "Divorce Lawyer" is a good interpretation of the image of the "third party", which touches the audience with a kind of warmth and tolerance. In this film, neither of these characters is actually very popular with the audience, but the audience eventually decides to forgive their wives.
All because the wife is the last to take on the responsibilities of the family. As a result, the husband became the target of his wife's publicly. From a certain point of view, the wife's unreasonableness may be related to the husband's weakness and incompetence. But from my point of view, this is exactly a tragic incident of "the door is not right, the door is not right".
In married life, the concept of "family match" is often mentioned, which describes the similarity or proximity of two people in terms of family background, social status, and economic status.
From a psychological point of view, the importance of the so-called "door-to-door match" between the two sides is mainly reflected in several key aspects.
The values of the family are highly aligned with it.
The family is not only a key environment for individual growth and personality formation, but each family has its own unique values and cultural heritage. In real life, couples often clash because of a number of factors. When there are significant differences in the family backgrounds of the two people, this can lead to a clash of values in their married life.
This type of conflict can be related to differences in how to deal with a child's education, career decisions, financial management, and many other aspects.
When two people have close family backgrounds and have a high degree of family values, this will help to reduce the contradictions and conflicts in the marital relationship, so as to better promote the common progress and development of both parties.
Get support from the community.
Social support plays a crucial role in the relationship, helping couples to cope with problems, stress, and the necessary support and motivation. When a person is in a disadvantaged or vulnerable situation, his or her spouse needs to give a certain level of care and attention so that he or she can get out of this situation and be able to reintegrate into a new living environment. If there is too much difference in social status and background, this can lead to an imbalance in social support.
One partner may feel heavy pressure due to the lack of family and social resources, while the other partner may find it difficult to understand the other party's plight because of the abundance of resources.
The "door-to-door" model of marriage can be more effective in winning the support of society, thereby reducing social inequality and conflict in this area.
Economic soundness and financial management.
Economic stability is seen as a key element in a marriage relationship, which has a direct impact on the couple's standard of living, soundness and planning for the future. Economic imbalance can also have a negative impact on the relationship between couples, especially when there is a large income gap. If there is a huge difference in the economic situation of the two parties, this can lead to conflicts over financial management and lifestyle habits.
One of the spouses may feel unable to afford the daily expenses of the family due to their lower income level, while the other spouse may feel dissatisfied and uneasy due to excessive financial pressure.
When the family backgrounds of both parties match, such a marriage helps to plan and manage the economy together more effectively, thereby reducing marital conflicts caused by economic problems.
Establish communication and deep bonds between families.
In married life, effective communication and deep relationships play a decisive role in the happiness and satisfaction of both spouses. A good relationship between husband and wife should be done on the premise of understanding each other, not just through words. If there is too much difference between the two parties in terms of family background and social status, this can cause difficulties in communication and understanding.
As the other person's actions and words may feel unfamiliar or difficult to understand for both parties, this can further trigger communication difficulties and alienation from intimate relationships.
The "door-to-door" marriage model helps to build a closer relationship and promote mutual understanding and communication between the two parties, which in turn improves the overall quality and soundness of the marriage.
For Ma Xuewu, his weakness and incompetence were most likely caused by his family of origin. If he could find a wife who was closer to his values and could motivate him in an appropriate way, the end result could have been different.
In the same way, if Li Baoli had chosen a husband with a similar family background to hers, she might not have behaved as emotionally.
Obviously, the level of marital happiness is not only based on the criterion of "good match", but also on a combination of many other factors.
People have different values and needs, and the success or failure of a marriage is not only based on the compatibility of family background, but also needs to take into account multiple factors such as the ability of both parties to know, communicate, and compromise.