Quarrelling, this seemingly simple action, is actually an esoteric art. Do you think that a quarrel is when two people raise their decibels to each other, louder than whom?Then you couldn't be more wrong. Quarreling and winning the other party is not only a skill, but also a kind of wisdom.
Let's first clarify a core question: what is the purpose of quarreling?If you're just trying to vent your emotions, then you can make any noise. But if you want to achieve something through arguments, such as persuasion, then you have to follow some basic principles.
Principle 1: Calmness is the foundation
You may be thinking, how can a quarrel be calm?But in fact, calmness is the deadliest of quarrels. When the other person is emotional, your calmness can not only keep you clear and move forward and retreat freely, but also make the other person's emotions appear more out of control, so that they lose their minds and mess up.
Principle 2: Logic is key
The quarrel is not louder than whom, but more rigorous than whose logic. You need to state your point of view in an orderly manner and refute the other party's arguments with facts and logic. Remember, emotions can be contagious, but logic is convincing.
Principle 3: Emotions are the blade
While we are to remain calm, appropriate expression of emotions is necessary. You need to make the other person feel your firmness and sincerity, but remember not to overdo it, otherwise it is easy to lose control.
Principle 4: Listening is defensive
When arguing, many people only focus on expressing themselves and neglect to listen to each other. In fact, listening is a kind of politeness, but also a kind of defense, it can calm our emotions, it can allow you to better understand the other person's views and weaknesses, grasp the rhythm, so as to be targeted.
Principle 5: Transfer is a strategy
When the situation moves against you, a proper shift in conversation is necessary. This is not an escape, but to find a more favorable battlefield. But remember, change the subject naturally and don't give the impression that you're avoiding the issue.
Principle 6: The end is art
There must always be a result in a quarrel, and how to end the fight is equally important. When you have the upper hand or the other party's mood eases a little, you need to come up with a reconciliation plan or withdraw from the fight and leave the scene, so as to save face and achieve the goal.
I want to say, can you really win a fight?If your goal is to humiliate the other person or even destroy the other person, then even if you win the fight, you may lose the affection between the two parties. The real winners are those who can find a solution to the conflict that is acceptable to both parties.
So, the next time you're in the mood for a fight, ask yourself: Do I really need to win?If the answer is yes, then these principles may help you get closer to victory. But remember,True victory is often not in quarrels, but in peace of mind and tolerance.