After marriage, if you find that your life with your partner is not so happy, it is mostly due to these three problems:
You expect too much from each other, but you are not tolerant enough. Or that your expectations for marriage are too high.
There is a big problem with the way you get along, and the edges and corners of your personality are still colliding with each other.
Your communication skills are slightly lacking, which leads to suppressed emotions on both sides.
According to the research of psychologists, quarreling is actually a two-way communication process, in interpersonal relationships, as long as there is communication, there will be results, generally speaking, there are three kinds of communication results:
Type 1 Constructive Dialogue:
Constructive dialogue means that the two of you have understood each other's intentions through a quarrel, the problems that bothered you have been resolved, and at least you have fully exchanged positions.
Type 2 Adversarial Dialogue:
An adversarial conversation is one in which the two of you quarrel and further exacerbate the confrontation, and the other person is becoming more and more disappointed in your eyes.
Group 3 Discouraged Dialogue:
Discouraged dialogue refers to the fact that the two of you quarrel without resolving any problems or further expanding the conflict, and those pent-up emotions will only be resolved through other means.
At this time, there is a feeling of anger and disappointment hidden in both of your hearts, which can be extremely detrimental to your intimate relationship.
Now you can think about what kind of conversation you often have when you are arguingIf you often engage in confrontational and discouraged conversations, then the relationship between you is definitely going downhill.
This is not to say that the other person doesn't love you anymore, but that the way you communicate is inherently wrong, and if you move in the wrong direction, no matter how hard you try, you will not reach the end of happiness.
So how do we change discouraged and confrontational dialogue into constructive dialogue?Please memorize the next tips.
Don't forget to conclude your remarks after a quarrel.
If you have a heated quarrel. You don't know what to do. Then you can take the initiative to make a concluding statement about your quarrel, and you can say this to him:
I just thought about it for a while, we have been arguing for so long this time, and we have not come to the conclusion that there is a problem, and it has not solved the problem. Such quarrels are not necessary.
I hope we can avoid quarrels because of emotions in the future, this time I was overemotional, and I will reflect. But my original intention is to solve the problem, and I hope you can understand my thoughts. ”
When you calm down and make a concluding remark, you can ease the relationship to a certain extent.
Don't make wrong mappingWhen couples are arguing, we need to think about how to solve the problem first, instead of blaming each other. For example, if there is a conflict between you, you should not think:
He's such a rotten person, he will never be able to change these stinky problems, he is not suitable for me at all. ”
If you think like this a lot, the more you will be able to communicate well with the other person at a later stage.
On the contrary, we should put the following words on our lips every time we quarrel:
I know you're for my good. ”
You know I'm worried about you and worried about you. ”
I don't want you to be better off all the time. ”
We both share the same goals in life, but we will inevitably disagree. ”
When you put these few words on your lips and use them as the opening sentence of your quarrel, you will find that the severity of your quarrel will immediately dissipate more than 40%.
Although these two tips can help you reduce the antagonism with your partner during a fight, these two tips alone will not repair a flawed marriage.