Here's what a reader wrote:
My husband and I were both civil servants before we retired, and we were more critical of ourselves on weekdays, and we were generous to our son, who is an only child. My husband and I have achieved the greatest achievement in our lives: we have bought two houses through frugal living, one of which is a two-bedroom house, which is currently occupied by my husband and I; The other house belongs to a three-bedroom house, and when the son got married, the son and daughter-in-law lived there. My husband and I have a combined pension of about 12,000 yuan, and our monthly expenses are basically maintained at about 2,000 yuan, and the rest of the money is either saved or taken away by our son.
My husband and I are about half an hour away from my son's community, and my son goes home twice a month, sometimes by himself, and sometimes by his daughter-in-law and grandson. Every time they come back, they will let them know in advance, and my husband and I will prepare big fish and meat for them, and every time they leave, they will also bring large bags to their house. I have no objection to this.
Some time ago, an incident happened that made me start to feel psychologically unbalanced and feel that my son was raised in vain. Here's the thing: My son said to me in ** one day, Mom, do you have 5,000 yuan in cash on hand, transfer it to me, I'm in a hurry. Me: Son, what's going on? Son: It's not a big deal, it's my mother-in-law's birthday today, and I want to transfer 5,000 yuan to her to show her filial piety. (You know, I've grown up so big, my son has never let me experience the ritual of a birthday) I asked one more question at the time: Do you often send red envelopes to your mother-in-law? Son: When it's a New Year's holiday, you have to express it.
My reflections afterwards: 1) Over the years, my son knew that he had taken from me, and he didn't have the consciousness to give at all; 2) I only go home twice a month, and each time my husband and I are busy serving him. suddenly felt: It is really not cost-effective to raise a son as a daughter.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
In life, what behaviors of children are easy to chill parents?
1) I don't have a sense of giving to my parents, and I set up a filial piety archway in front of my lover's parents.
Any relationship, while giving, also craves the least feedback. Although many times, we will have this feeling in front of relatives and friends: only the love given to you by your parents is selfless. The point is, have you ever shown filial piety in front of your parents at an age when you have the ability to care for and reciprocate your parents? In family relationships, the two most common phenomena are: hurting the young but not the old; There is no sense of giving to his parents, but he has set up a filial arch in front of his lover's parents. I want to say that people are all species with emotions and emotions, which means that parents sometimes care about their children's attitude towards them. It's just because family affection is an inseparable part that parents will show generosity more often, but it doesn't mean that when they are left out, there is no loss in their hearts.
2) I have a lot of time to buy drunk with my fox friends and dogs, but I don't have time to chat with my parents.
When browsing the web, it is common to see multiple-choice questions like this: If you could only choose two of the following options, what would you choose? One of the options is parents. Netizens will choose the option of parents without exception. But in real life: I have a lot of time to get drunk with my fox friends, but I don't have time to chat with my parents. Regarding people's specific performance at the level of filial piety to their parents, there is a sentence that sums it up very well: There are a lot of filial children on the Internet, but it's a pity that your parents don't go online. Especially for parents over the age of 60, most of them have savings (or pensions) and are in good health. At this time, the greatest filial piety that children give to their parents is to accompany them, even if they occasionally argue together over trivial matters, it is much better than ignoring them.
3) In the face of parents' kind reminders or nagging, they always show an impatient posture.
Many people are reluctant to have more contact with their parents, or feel that their parents' mouths are too broken, or they feel that their parents often give them reminders or teachings, and feel that they are adults, and their parents should "shut up" more in front of them, so that when they are kindly reminded or nagged by their parents, they will show an impatient posture. In fact, the relationship between parents and children will change qualitatively due to the change of age: when we are young, our parents will communicate with us in a commanding and strong tone; When our parents are old, they tend to speak carefully in front of us because they have learned to look at our faces. What I want to say is: in the process of maintaining family relationships, some useless nonsense is needed. In the case where the parents are not particularly broken-mouthed, they should avoid impatience in front of their parents.
4) You can't give your parents the least accompaniment during the New Year's holidays, and you don't even bother to fight.
If you live in the same city as your parents, you should go to your parents for a reunion during the holidays. If you and your parents do not live in the same city, you should take the initiative to call your parents during the holidays. In fact, parents do not have many requirements for their children: if conditions permit, they can go home often; When possible, they would love to hear from their children and find out what you were doing and whether they were okay when they missed you. For this reason, do not use your indifference to turn your parents away. Especially when their parents are old, they often look down on the sophistication of human feelings, and at this time they will regard their children as the most important spiritual food.
Sometimes there is a kind of inertia in the interaction between people, just like the selfless dedication of parents to their children. So much so that children are Xi to their parents giving for them, but they forget one more important thing: parents also need loving feedback. Common phenomena include: 1) improper attitude in front of one's own parents, and respectful in front of one's loved one's parents; 2) Thinking that after the parents retire, it is natural to help themselves take care of their children, but they ignore the children they gave birth to and need to raise them themselves. 3) When the parents were alive, they did not show the minimum filial piety in front of their parents, and after the death of their parents, they had all kinds of thoughts with guilt.
Looking at the later life of Chinese parents only from the link of children's filial piety to their parents, I actually want to sum it up in two words: loss. It is due to the fact that many parents do not enjoy the treatment of raising children and preventing old age when they are old. However, the reason for this phenomenon is that parents should also reflect on it: it is precisely because of your excessive selfless dedication in the growth of your children that your children have become white-eyed wolves in front of you. The actual situation is: it is not that children do not understand human feelings, but they are Xi to the life mode that you are accommodating to your children in everything, so that people ignore the feelings of their parents and need to take them into account in a state of deafness. I believe that the relationship between you and your son is also a microcosm of the relationship between parents and children in many families in China, and I hope that all children can learn from this and examine whether their attitude towards their parents is reliable.
Editor's note: A more comical phenomenon: Some people obviously can't feel the filial piety of their children, and even say in front of outsiders that their children belong to the white-eyed wolves who have forgotten their mothers after getting married, but they will still uphold the frugal life in their lives, and their real purpose is to save more money for their children by virtue of their own ability.
A cruel phenomenon: some people hold a mobile phone of nearly 10,000 yuan and live a life of eating and drinking spicy food every day, but it is the result of gnawing on the old. As everyone knows, in order to let you live a glamorous life, your parents have never taken a plane, have no travel experience, and have not even entered the door of a high-end restaurant.
A more ironic phenomenon: when your parents are alive, you don't need to have substantial filial piety in your parents, even if you use the way of accompanying and beating **, and say some polite words in front of your parents, your parents can be satisfied. The point is, some people are stingy with even a few good words to their parents.
*from the web, **unrelated).