When I first became a mother, I was often anxious, lack of breast milk, I couldn't make complementary food, my children were sleeping scum, I couldn't spend time with my children, and I felt that I was not a competent mother.
When the child grows up to the age of 3, I thought that the things of parenting would be easier, but I saw that the people around me were desperately cultivating the baby's eighteen martial arts, English, drawing, Go, programming, and research. I'm also starting to waver, isn't my baby too ordinary?Should I keep up with them?
Fortunately, the child's father often blows the wind on his pillow, telling me to "relax" and "maintain emotional stability".It is said that children should be "stocked", but what we put is the mind, and what we raise is the habit. As long as the child has independent thinking and good habits, he will not be able to go to the top when he grows up.
This year, I read this book "Subtractive Parenting" by Mr. Da Nannan, which made me more determined to "stock" my children.
"When we subtract parenting, the child will naturally do the addition himself. ”
I agree with this sentence in the book a hundred times!Subtraction is not inaction, on the contrary, it requires a kind of wisdom that is simple.
This book is not a parenting guide, but just a mother's observation and recording of the growth process of her twin daughters, as well as her own mental journey as a mother.
After reading this book, I also let go of my harsh criticism of myself, it turned out,Being a mother is like this, being embarrassed and happy at the same time!
Every day of growth belongs to the child, let's not stack too many buffs. Teacher Da Nannan told us with personal experience that if you want to raise a baby, you don't have to be anxious:
The vast majority of anxiety comes from comparison, and children are already very different, so why should they be measured by the same set of standards?There are no other people's children in this world, and the children in front of you are worthy of all your attention.
There are many problems in life, and there is no way to find the perfect solution simply by reading books or referring to other people's experiences. Just like watching "Iron Man of Silicon Valley" can't help us become Musk, watching "Snowball" can't help us become Buffett. There are no textbooks for parenting, but more about harvesting an ordinary and ordinary life in the cycle of "problems arise - solve problems" day after day.
When it comes to parenthood, we often rate ourselves, but labelling us as "good parents, bad parents" doesn't help us at all.
Labeling a child does not help him to become better, because it is difficult for a child to develop healthily under the restrictions of labels such as "sensitive", "introverted", "clumsy", "noisy", etc. Truth is more important than perfection.
Children are not a blank slate, they have their own outlines, and even their own colors, and every day they grow up, these outlines and colors will appear little by little, and they are not subject to the will of their parents. Suppressing your urge to control your child will greatly reduce anxiety.
When you treat your child as a true friend, rather than a tool for a return on investment, you won't always be anxious about whether your child's growth is on track as we envisioned.
Let the child always feel the mother's love is always there, which is the confidence to resist all kinds of uncertainties.
The road is simple, and the same is true for parenting. Too much buff will only make children feel heavy about life, and parenting will be less than half of the anxiety of both parents and children.
Thank you 2023