Remember the narrative in the previous article ** Steps to Healing?The reason why I did such a series of sharing is because I saw a healing course in Drem's psychoeducation. Remember that question we left behind?Have you ever had a time where you couldn't fully meet your parents' expectations?What did you do during this experience?
Of course, as for how to meet the expectations of children or parents, since they have promised to share, Natural Light must keep its promise.
Mindset: How to meet your child's expectations
We don't necessarily have to meet our children's expectations, and you have to be able to learn to reject some of your children's expectations. Sometimes children are very good at creating an atmosphere or pressure that parents feel they can't refuse, especially children who have restructured families.
The financial situation of a restructured family is not the same, the child lives in two families, and then you will feel guilty, you will feel that you can get used to him, but in fact, it may not be good for the child at times. So at this time, you need to be aware, maybe you have to face his doubts and denials of you, but even if you inherit his doubts and denials of you, you have to reject his expectations of you.
Raising a Healthy Mind: How to Meet Parents' Expectations?
Parents will be like that, too. There are times when parents have strange expectations of their children, and it is not just a matter of high and low, he is paranoid. For example, if you work in a very large company, your mother thinks that no matter how big the company is, it is also a factory. If you don't work in **, you are not working and always want you to quit, and then go to a ** unit with very little money to think that you are working.
Let me tell you, as children, we can't fully meet the expectations of our parents, we have been under the expectations of our parents, we will not be able to complete our personalized process, we can't become ourselves, this is very troublesome. So sometimes parents don't have expectations for their children, and that child will be at a loss;Parents expect too much or too much from their children, and the child will - he is not at a loss - he will be very tired, because he needs to force himself to live as expected by two people.
The reason why we can't refuse many times is that we can't bear to let others suffer in our hearts, and we put that pain on ourselves. But not all rejections will cause pain to others, and we will probably learn how to say no.
Of course, I also said in the second point, that is, we should also be clear about our expectations of others, and when we are arrogantly expecting others to meet certain expectations of us, we may not be right in this expectation.
For example, some people expect their leaders to take more care of themselves, why should they take more care of themselves?You just have to always ask yourself why he is doing this. Why must others be satisfied with themselves? So we have to learn that when we have expectations of others, we don't take our expectations as a necessity, we understand how our expectations come about.
Mental Normalisation: Learn to structure the healing itself
Alright, now it's time for the fourth step of healing. That's what we have to really learn to deconstruct healing itself. What does this mean?It's that no matter what level we have a tear, this tear is often seen as not the norm because it hurts. For example, the expectation, the ideal self, and the actual self, because it causes you pain, so you think it's not the norm, but it's not. This narrative ** has one thing in common with existential philosophy, just like "The Road Less Traveled" said, life is difficult, life is very difficult, but people just don't want to admit it.
What I want to say by this is that each of us will encounter some kind of mental tear in our upbringing, and this is the norm. If we don't think it's the norm, we always have a very strong expectation that we will be happy, and that expectation is a problem in itself.
If we don't deconstruct this experience that we are a little bit miserable, we will feel that it is not normal – in fact, suffering is.
Of course, I may be a bit arbitrary to say this, but you can see a lot of books on this, and there are a lot of psychologists who also give people a false and unreal expectation that you can live happily ever after, and there will never be any mental tearing again - that can't be, that's impossible.
There is some psychology that talks about happiness, about happiness, and then says that you just do it, and then you live happily ever after. It's an illusion sometimes, and happiness doesn't come without, it certainly does, but it's not a norm. You can't expect a person to live a certain life and be in some kind of comfortable and beautiful state all the time, it's unlikely.
So healing really has to happen from the inside out, to have power, we need to have the power to put death and come back to life. When I say that we need to cultivate the righteousness of Haoran, it is not at all that we only see the explosion of positive energy, it is not like this.
This is a more important concept, that is, when you truthfully see that there will be a lot of unpleasant things in life, and then you can cherish those cool things. Don't be fooled by those psychologists, and then you will definitely live a certain fixed life.
Do you have a deeper understanding of narrative through your recent reading?For more articles on the history, origins, and technical methods of narrative, search for Healthy Psychology uh***.