Lead.
The mother-in-law relationship is generally considered to be one of the most complex interpersonal relationships. After all, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are strangers who have never met, and the only bond is a common son. Therefore, it is normal for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be discordant.
However, there are also mothers-in-law who get along very well with their daughters-in-law, and although they are not as close as mother and daughter, they can get along well.
A 61-year-old Aunt Zhang has lived in her son's house for seven years and witnessed her grandson go to kindergarten. She has maintained a harmonious relationship with her daughter-in-law for a long time, without too many contradictions. However, in recent days, Aunt Zhang suddenly had the idea of leaving her son's house.
So what made Aunt Zhang's relationship with her son and daughter-in-law change so much that she had the idea of leaving?The root of the matter goes back to 8 years ago, and the following is what Aunt Zhang personally recounted.
Narrator: Aunt Zhang.
I'm Aunt Zhang, 61 years old this year, and my hometown is in a third-tier city. When I was 53 years old, I lost my wife, so my son took me into their house.
We only have this one son, who was smart and studious since he was a child, and later admitted to a university in Chengdu. After graduating from college, he chose to stay in Chengdu and met a girl who had graduated from college.
At the beginning, in order to let our son develop in a big city, we sold a big house in our hometown city and used our savings for many years to buy a house for our son in Chengdu. After my son got married, my wife and I continued to live in our hometown. At that time, I was already retired, and I agreed with my wife that we would travel together when he retired and live a happy life for a few years.
However, plans can't keep up with change. When his wife was 55 years old, he suddenly died of a heart attack.
I was very sad because my only son had already made his home in a big city and was far away from me. I feel very sad to think that I will have to spend the rest of my life alone in the future.
My son is very filial, he and his daughter-in-law helped me deal with my wife's funeral and offered to take me over to live with them. He said that he was not worried that I was alone in my hometown, and my daughter-in-law also persuaded me to follow them. I was touched by the filial piety of my son and daughter-in-law, so I thought, let's go with them. Anyway, I only have this one son, and sooner or later I will have to live with them.
So I went to my son's house, and they usually go to work and come home in the evening. I'm mostly cooking dinner at home and then taking care of some of the housework. Life is pretty easy.
After living at his son's house for less than a year, his daughter-in-law became pregnant. Due to her poor health, she stopped going to work when she was five months pregnant. I took care of her wholeheartedly, buying what she wanted, cooking what she wanted, and even bringing meals to her bedroom.
After the birth of my little grandson, I took care of him wholeheartedly. Due to my busy schedule, I forgot about the sadness of my wife's death for a while and devoted myself to taking care of my grandson. The grandson grows up day by day and becomes more and more cute. Being a family together and having a lively day makes me feel tired, but my life is full and happy.
My little grandson is very cute, my son is filial, and my daughter-in-law respects me. If I have to find fault, the only fly in the ointment is my daughter-in-law's attitude towards me. That's the only thing I'm not happy about.
Speaking of this daughter-in-law, I really can't find anything wrong with her. She doesn't like to talk much, and she doesn't usually communicate with me much. When the family ate at the dinner table, she also buried her head in eating, and no matter what my son and I said, she would not express her opinion.
My son and I always have something to say every time we eat. In order to get my daughter-in-law involved as well, I made a point of talking about my grandson and thought she should be interested in it. But she still didn't respond to my words, which made me feel very disappointed.
I always expect her to join us in the conversation and make the meal even more lively. The family is reunited after a long absence, and talking is also a kind of relaxation. But every time my son didn't eat at home, and my daughter-in-law and I were left at the same table, I felt the most scared.
And in this case, she remained silent and made me eat very dullly. Whenever this happens, in order to relieve the awkward atmosphere, I always deliberately find a topic to chat with her, but she simply responds to me, which makes me not want to talk any more, and I always feel that there is a sense of alienation between my daughter-in-law and me.
Maybe because we rarely communicated, we never had an argument with each other, and she was always very polite to me and very respectful of me. Usually, whenever she talks to me, she starts with "Mom", like "Mom, what do you do", not "What do you do, what do you do".
It's fair to say that if she doesn't call me Mom, she won't talk to me. From this point of view, my daughter-in-law is doing a good job, and I can't find fault with her, but it's the things that we rarely communicate with each other that make me feel a lack of closeness between us all the time.
Actually, I really want to have a closer relationship with my daughter-in-law. I only have this one son, and I don't have a daughter, so in my heart, I really want to be able to treat her as a daughter. I think I'm very nice to her, the clothes she and her son wear are always littered on the couch, and I wash them every time, then dry them and tidy them up and stack them in the closet.
Every night, they like to sit on the couch and watch TV, eating while watching TV. The peels and melon seed shells they eat are always thrown on the coffee table, and I never care about them, I clean them up for them.
When I cook every night, I always prepare it according to my daughter-in-law's taste. At dinner, I pay attention to which dish she likes to eat. Over time, I also figured out her tastes and cooked to her liking every night. However, even so, the daughter-in-law never showed a happy look.
I try to cook in a different way every day, but I always feel that my daughter-in-law is a little neglectful of me. I have lived here for 7 years, and my daughter-in-law has never shown a smiling face, and I am very depressed, always wondering if my daughter-in-law is dissatisfied with me, why does she look unhappy every day?Did I do something wrong and make her unhappy, and she was too embarrassed to tell me?
Thinking like this, I really wanted to find out why my daughter-in-law was unhappy, but I never dared to ask, for fear of making her unhappy again. Later, I tentatively said to my daughter-in-law, "I'm old, if there's anything I can't do, you can bear with me." ”
At this time, the daughter-in-law replied, "Mom, everything is fine." Her answer relieved my doubts for many days, and at the same time my heart warmed. But she still said this as before, and her eyes didn't look at me, which made me feel very uncomfortable.
I always felt that there was something between us, and sometimes I wanted to talk to her about it, but seeing her attitude of rejecting people thousands of miles away, I swallowed it back, feeling that my daughter-in-law didn't want to share too much with me.
My son and daughter-in-law leave work at 6:30 every night, and when they get off work, I just finish the meal. When they come back, I quickly bring the meal to the table and say, "It's time to eat, come and eat!".Then, they started to wash their hands and eat, and I sometimes asked my daughter-in-law how the meal was doing, and whether it was delicious. The daughter-in-law always said, "It's delicious, Mom, it's delicious." But when I said this, my daughter-in-law still didn't look at me, and there was no expression on her face, giving people a very distant and perfunctory feeling.
My daughter-in-law's attitude makes me feel more and more unfamiliar. When my grandson was in kindergarten, one day, I tentatively told my son that when my child went to elementary school, I would go back to my hometown. The son said, "What are you doing when you go back to your hometown?"This is your home, not only now you can't go, but you can't go when your son goes to elementary school. Your daughter-in-law and I are often away from home on business trips, and there can't be no one in this house. Anyway, I won't let you go. ”
My son's words comforted me, they need me, and that's a good thing. It shows that I can be useful to them and be needed by my son, which is also a good feeling.
Since my wife passed away, all my feelings have been pinned on my son. My pension has also been spent on my son's small family. As long as I have extra money, I will pay the mortgage for my son. For my son, I really want to do anything. As long as they're doing well, I'm happy. So my son didn't let me go, and I was still happy in my heart. Because I didn't want to leave my son.
But my daughter-in-law's lukewarm attitude makes me always unhappy. Last year, I had a serious illness and was in bed for days. My son brought me medicine and poured water, but my daughter-in-law ignored me. Her room was next to my room door, but every day she didn't come to my room to look at me when she passed by my door, which made me feel very uncomfortable.
Just the other day, I had a cold and was very unwell. My son happened to be working overtime again, and because I was afraid of infecting my grandson, I let my grandson sleep with her. My daughter-in-law also agreed, but she didn't ask a word about my illness, and I forced myself to make dinner that day, because I didn't have an appetite, so I didn't come out to eat, but my daughter-in-law still didn't ask me a word, and she didn't say that I should come out to eat. My heart was so bad.
Thinking that I am usually so good to her, I cook according to her taste every day, and I will do whatever she likes to eat, but I am sick, and she treats me like this, which is really chilling. I don't know if I'm too sensitive.
Last night, when I asked again that I wanted to go back to my hometown, my son was surprised and said, "Mom, why is that?"Isn't your son and daughter-in-law treating you badly?”
I hurriedly said, "No, son, you two treat me very well, and my mother lives very happily, but now that Xiaobao is older, I miss my hometown too." Besides, there is still your grandmother in my hometown, who is almost 90 years old, and I want to go and see her. ”
The son then said: "Okay, if you want to go back to your hometown to see your grandmother, then go back and live for a few days." But don't stay too long, Xiaobao can't live without you. ”
Actually, I didn't tell my son the truth, and it was true to go back to see the old mother, but it was also true that I didn't want to stay with my son. And I made up my mind that I would never come back when I left.
At night, I lay in bed, thinking back to the time I spent with my son's family in the past 7 years, and an unspeakable pain made me feel very depressed. I don't think I can stay any longer, or I'm going to be depressed.
But when I really want to leave my son's house, I am a little afraid that I will not fit in. If I go back to my hometown, I will be sick and no one will take care of me. But I feel very uncomfortable with my son's house and daughter-in-law like this. In addition, I am afraid that if I have a conflict with my daughter-in-law in the future, it will be even more difficult to get along with my daughter-in-law in the future, and it will be too late to leave at that time.
So, whether to go or not to go, I'm very entangled now.